Intro/What do you say? (other children mentioned)

ldbryan

My son, Sam, passed away February 11.  He was four months old.

I took my daughters (almost four and two) to the park today.  My older daughter saw a friend she knows from Mother's Day Out.  I started talking to the girl's mom.  Very casual small talk.  She had her six week old son with her.  At one point she asked if I had "just the two."  I hesitated, and then said yes because I didn't want to make things awkward with someone I barely knew.  But then I felt immensely guilty.  I apologized to Sam.  How do you handle these questions?  I want to have a plan because I know this will happen again.  What do you say if someone asks if you have kids/how many do you have?

dadalou

I almost always include Nathaniel when people ask me. Sometimes it makes other people feel uncomfortable and they shut down the conversation, but I don't care. He is my son. I'm going to include him. If I don't DD will probably mention him and that he died and I will have to explain myself anyway.

Mel&John2013

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I always include my son in the count. The next question is often how old he is so I just say "He would be 18 months but he passed away at 8 months". People usually just say they're sorry, I say thank you, and we move on.

msunshine123

I'm sorry for your loss. I include my son in the count. If they ask anything else about him I just say he passed away. They usually don't ask too many questions after that.

ldbryan

Thank you, ladies!

BrittianyM

**Ticker Warning**

 

 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Sam. We are all here for you when ever you need to talk.

 

At first I was always caught off guard and didn't know how to respond so my answer would change from day to day. Now I always include my daughter in the count. She existed and mattered and still does.

LyndseyTS

I'm so sorry for the loss of your LO. It's such a difficult question to answer for anyone who has experienced baby/child loss.

Like the others, I include our daughter. Usually something like "I have a daughter. She would be x." Some people will just say "I'm so sorry" and move on. Others will (occasionally) ask questions - usually they ask if it's okay if they do first, which is nice. I'm pretty open about it - I want others to know that this happens and break the taboo, so if they give me an opportunity, I take it.

Whatever works for you is best, though.

jenn.schott

I am so sorry for your loss.

I too struggle with this question and it sometimes catches me off guard. If I answer incorrectly, I have the guilt that follows. I am a mother to an almost two year old. When we moved into our new home, our neighbors asked if we had any kids and I said no It is going to be awkward explaining all his pictures posted throughout our home.

These will happen but the key is to not beat ourselves up to much about it.

ikrystal

**ticker**

I am so sorry for your loss.  We all struggle with this question.  I used to always include my boys in my answer, but now I pick and choose when I include them.  This isn't because I don't count them in my heart or my head, but simply because sometimes I want to spare myself a really awkward conversation.  Usually if strangers ask, I leave them out (so that I don't have to answer things like, oh how old are your twins, etc).  But every other time, I include my boys.  There is no right or wrong way to answer this question.  You love your son regardless. 

BLPL101

It is such a hard question for people like us. I might say 1 living or maybe just say 2, but one passed away.