who will be in your delivery room?

cneiding

So with my first my husband and I had decided it would be just the two of us.  Well he really really stinks as a labor coach.  Really stinks.  That first labor they came in and got me set up for induction.  He went to lunch right away then came back, pulled out the pull out couch and proceded to sleep my  WHOLE.ENTIRE.LABOR! I ended up having my mother there with me.  It was invaluable.  She took care of whatever I needed happily.  During pushing my husband was awake but just stood off to the side.  What I really wanted was freezing cold cloths on my head between pushes.  My mother stayed busy making them so they would be ready after each push.  I was so glad to have someone supportive there.

My second labor I was not induced.  Arrived at the hospital and delivered about an hour later.  We arrived and it was noon.  My midwife came in and I told her of my back labor and terrible backache.  She proceede to show my husband how to press my hips inward during a contraction to take that pain away.  It was amazing.  Well he did it for 3 seconds and announced that it "hurt his hands" and he wasn't going to do it.  Also, he was starving and didn't want to miss lunch.  He went to the cafeteria.  My mother arrived again and stayed with me. Not long after my husband went to lunch I had to start pushing.  They paged him several times and he did not come back.  A nurse went to the cafeteria to retrieve him.  When he came back on like my last push he said he had just gotton his food, heard the pages, but wasn't going to leave his food before he ate!! 

My mother is no longer able to be with me in labor.  She has been disabled and my dad had a massive stroke some years ago at a  young age so they are unable to drive, either of them.  So I basically do it all on my own but I totally miss having a support person who is really support there. 

My advice is if you think your husband may be like mine make sure you arrange to have someone there that is willing to do anything you want to have done and stay by your side.  It really makes a huge difference. 

In my last labor my dr thought I was alone as my husband was in the corner in a chair during my pushing.  The time before that my dr invited him to come closer and he was like "no I am good over here".  He really wishes it was like old times where dads stayed in a waiting room and got to miss all the details of the event!

mum2lanabelliz

My husband is an amazing labour coach. He will be there for sure. My ds wants to be there. He will be 14. I will let him and my oldest dd, she is 16, but not my youngest 2. They are 6 and 8. Other than that no one else. It may sound odd but my dh and I are really close with my ex-dh and his mother. She was with me for my oldest birth and invaluable. My exdh was a lot like your dh. So I would even have her there. My mother is gone and my mil is useless.


OP would you consider a Doula? I had one with my youngest. My dh was deployed and couldn't be there. She was amazing!!!

KateLouise

My DH is amazing in labour too. With my eldest he was in the shower with me at the hospital massaging and directing the warm water where I wanted it. Then he held my leg while I was pushing.

Then he delivered my youngest on the bathroom floor, which was in no way the plan, it's just what happened. Even though I could hear the stress in his voice he was fantastic, and then he cleaned up the bathroom while I was taken to the birth centre by ambulance (he came in the car after he'd done some house jobs)

So I've only ever had DH, and a MW for DD1, and ambulance officers arrived as DD2 was head out.

But, having that kind of up close encounter isn't for every man, and I've heard plenty of women say their husband faints at the sight of blood, or just doesn't want to see detail.

I second pp suggestion about a doula. Or have you got any close friends near by? I'm sure with your child-birthing experience you're quite capable of managing as things are, but extra support never hurts.

@cneiding have you talked to your DH about what you'd like from him in labour?

AmommyB

My hubby was great with our first. He fed me crushed ice and was really supportive. My mom always wants to be in the room but I think I will just keep it to he and it again for our second. She stresses me out on normal days, so I can't imagine a birth with her lol.

I guess it he wasn't able to help me I would enlist one of my bffs, who it's a nurse. She's been excited and involved from day one and I think she would be a good second. I've heard a lot of people raving about midwives and doulas. That may be and good option for you?

niknak1208

I'm a don't touch me or talk to me while I'm in pain kind of person. So DH has been there for all of our deliveries but he knows better than to rub me anywhere. Lol. I'm a suffer in silence person. I don't make a lot of noise or anything. He usually stands at the head of the bed. I also have gotten epidurals every time. He's always there in front of me when I get those. Usually he's my fetch boy. Lol. He's getting me a drink when I need one or adjusting my pillows. He held my leg during our first baby. We had a late loss in 2011 too and he was good then too. He just made sure I was comfortable and had what I needed.

My mom is always there too. I like having my mom there. That's it for us. My dad and step mom always come before I'm in active labor and they wait and the come in. My dad brought me vending machine flowers at 3am after my first baby was born. It was really cute. My mom brought a plate of brownies. Lol.

DH's parents usually have the other kids so they brought DS after DD was born and I'm sure they will have both kids this time too.

jerseygirl227

This is my first LO, so I don't know how I'll be, but I suspect I'll be like you @niknak1208.  Don't touch me and please just get me what I need, lol.

Fiance will be in the room.  (He actually asked me the other day if I wanted him in there.  I thought that was a weird question, but I guess it makes sense.)  He has already said he wants to be up by my face, lol. I said that was fine.  I have already told him that he can't just sit in the corner and play games on his phone while I am going through this, lol.  He's pretty good about things, but I can also see him not really knowing what to do and, therefore, not doing anything.  We'll see how it goes.

The only other person I would consider having in there is my mom, but she lives in Florida and we are in Arizona, so that is pretty much not going to happen.

mindaa

Just DH. Yeah, I really go inside my head when uncomfortable, so I'm not worried. DH is plenty attentive. Even though, he also is not really interested in actually seeing whats happening " down there"
My mom is kind of an anxious/worried person, and wouldnt really understand my hypnobabies plan.

KaLikeAWind

I hope DH is a good labor buddy, as I have no one else. He has expressed an interest in seeing the actual birth, which I begged him not to do, as there are some things you can't un-see. I'd feel more comfortable if he stayed above my waist during the actual event, but maybe by then I won't care.

FemShep

I will have a c-section, and am only allowed one person in the OR. It'll be DH, he's a great companion and source of support (and he can handle the blood).

mdogan29

I second @jerseygirl227!!  I'm afraid DH may pass out if he doesn't stay up by my head and just hold my hand if I need it. He told me he doesn't want to cut the cord either, I'm not sure if he's afraid he'll mess it up or if it's too gross for him (he almost faints when blood is being drawn at his regular checkups). But he's very good if you give him direction, otherwise, he'd probably be on his phone!

I may decide to let my MIL in the room too... she's promised to stay off to the side and 'not get in the way'... this is her 8th grandchild and she's only been to one of the births, and we've been wanting this for so long, so she's very excited for us. My mom is disabled and hasn't been feeling very good lately and my dad lives in Puerto Rico, so I thought in case something does happen to DH, maybe it would be good to have a backup coach....

sonpetitlapin

Just SO will be there.  This is our first together, so I am not sure how he will be, but I can definitely guess.  He will probablly be making off the wall comments being a jerk and cracking the nurses up (I tell people I only let him out once a week) You should have seen him at the OB intake appointment.  The nurse walked us out and said we were fun (he was fun) and the nurses during delivery will be fighting to have us as their patient.  I will probably get pissed at him a couple of times and threaten to or kick him out.  But I know one thing will be sure, he will be very supportive and attentive to taking care of me during labor and delivery.  

topaz7777

DH will be in with me.  If I deliver as planned, my sister and sister in law will also be with me when I deliver.  My sister because I need someone there for me.  I figure DH will have one leg, so my sister will have the other.  lol  It's kind of that or the nurse anyway.  His sister is pregnant for the first time, and she is in nursing school, so I invited her if she wants.