underwhelmed and uninvolved

katedewberry

I am struggling a lot lately with DH, he seems totally uninvolved in this pregnancy until we get in front of people.  Yesterday, the baby was kicking and it was finally enough for DH to feel.  I first told him to come over to feel and he wouldn't put his F*ing game on the ipad down and then when he finally did come over to feel, he felt it and was "oh, cool" and changed the subject.  I feel like our priorities are  completely misaligned right now and overall that he isn't participating in this at all.   He expects me to work a full time job, come home cook and clean; but I am exhausted.   We are constantly at odds about where our financial priorities are and he acts like everything should be normal....

I have already started looking into my company's Employee assistance program for some counseling, but any suggestions from you all?

kacdanz

Could something else be distracting his mind? Is this his normal temperament? My husband can be a bit lazy with housework and is addicted to video games and it drives me insane but when it comes to baby he is totally stoked.

GSUDavis

Mine can be the same way as @kacdanz when it comes to house work vs video games. He's over the moon about the pregnancy and is sometimes reluctant to stop what he's doing or shift positions to feel the baby kick.

Have you tried talking to your DH about your feelings and what you've seen in him so far? He may not realize that he's driving you nuts and needs to be a little more attentive. Guys don't get it unless we spell it out most times. Best of luck!

ipumpkin

I would have a conversation with him and let him know how this is making you all feel before it gets out of hand. My DH can seem distant sometimes but I think he's jealous that I have more of a connection than he does right now since baby is growing inside of me. There just could be something unforeseen that is bothering him. Have a talk! Best of luck to you.

KaLikeAWind

Someone in my birth month board suggested to another poster that there was an app that her DH has downloaded that told him what was going on developmentally with baby, and gave little daily bits of info that helped him be in the know about what was happening and ways he could support her. I thought this was a fab idea and told my DH about it and he decided to download one. It's pretty neat, it actually told him something I didn't even know was happening (about baby being able to use their nostrils). This might be a cool way to get him engaged and also let him get some education on what's happening within your body / how you are feeling that he can access on his own time instead of you 'lecturing' him (not saying you are, but we all know how our men can sometimes tune us out if they feel we are trying to tell them what to do). Just search pregnancy apps for dads

plumpous

Hmm I think we all deal with life events differently. Is this behavior standing out or is pretty much his personality? I can be very aloof sometimes and I can't change that about myself. But if this is out of character I guess it's masking his concerns and you can approach him in a supportive manner so he'll feel comfortable opening up.

savwhit

My fiancé and I were having this exact same issue. I addressed it earlier and he then proceeded to tell me that pregnancy is different for a lot of men. It doesn't fully hit them until the baby is actually here. It's hard for them to think/realize that there is a baby in the making when they can't see/feel/hear etc or experience what the mother does. He then told me that he was sorry for not having the enthusiasm that I thought or wanted him to have. I understand this completely but it still sucks. I wish he could just jump for hoy about everything but that's unrealistic.

LullabyF360

I'm pregnant with our first child. Before it happened he was all "baby, baby, baby". He won't admit any of this, but at that time, he didn't understand how life changing having a child can be. For the first few months of my pregnancy, I could tell that nothing had sunk in. Now that we know it will be a boy (I'm sure you all know how men are about having sons), the realization is coming around. The closer the end comes, more excitement, questions, involvement, preparation, etc is showing through. The way his personality is it won't fully hit him until I'm on the hospital bed.