staying calm

christmasstree

How do you stay calm and not cry over every little thing? Apparently my bf feels like he is only around for financial support and says he can't honestly talk to me about anything. Idk why. I know I nag at him and vent but I've always told him he can talk to me. But he's not ready to tell me what's going on. I can't stop crying. I don't want to be upset but he keeps giving me the cold shoulder. He doesn't see it but of course I do. And idk what to do.

beaseg

I had this problem in my first pregnancy. And dh honestly considered leaving me bc he just felt like he wasn't living with his partner, but this weird angry crying blob of demands. We ended up working it out and I'm glad. We love each other and work well together, but it was SO HARD to see the forest through the trees for a long time there. 

Things that helped us with our communication/my constant crying:

1. Emails - we traded emails once a week. Standard format. List one thing you love about your partner, one thing he did to make you happy, one thing you did to make him happy (this becomes telling when you struggle to find one thing in your whole week), one time he was especially funny/handsome/sexy/sweet, one thing you'd like him to work on, one thing you know you need to work on. These helped us immensely. 

2. Q&A on timer - I'd tell him we needed to talk and we'd go over my issues or his issues or whatever, but each topic we each got 3 minutes to talk. With an actual timer running. And when it went off, we stopped. Also, he got to have a beer during this. Also, we did them naked and held hands during. That was a tip we received once years ago and it still helps us- when we're feeling really angry, we get naked and hold hands. It really helps. 

He needs to be able to express things. He's likely unhappy about certain things, and he deserves to be able to tell you what they are so at the very least- you're aware, but if you can - hopefully you can work on them. You deserve that of him and he deserves that from you. And if you turn into a puddle of tears every time you start to talk, he's going to clam up immediately bc he doesn't want to make his pregnant gf cry more. But I so hear you. It's SO hard to not cry. I don't know how to turn off the waterworks. Sometimes I bring a large cup of water to the discussion that I can chug, bc swallowing the water helps me to stop crying and also sometimes just drinking water helps bring me back a little bit. It's hard. But good luck! 

christmasstree

Thank you. It's just he used to be able to talk to me and now he feels like he can't. Idk why all of a sudden the change but I really do hope we can work on this. I just honestly don't know why he feels he can't talk to me. Those tips sound good. I'll try and see how well it works. But also letting him come to me to talk is hard when it's all I can think about.

beaseg

Yeah, I really hear you. For me- sometimes when my relationship gets like this I get tunnel vision. All I want is for him to come to me and say "I'm happier with you than I could be with anyone else, I'll never leave you, I'll always support you, I don't understand but I believe what you're going through is really tough". But if he ever said those words, they wouldn't be his own- they wouldn't be from his heart, yknow? Bc he doesnt think like that. Sometimes in these weeks/months of trials on the relationship, you just have to take a step back. Get over where you are and just live in the moment. Go have fun. Like go to an amusement park (not rec. for you now) or a comedy club or something light hearted and different and a type of adventure. Let him see that sexy, fun spirited woman he fell in love with - not the weeping, unstable woman he's currently perceiving. IDK, it's really really hard. I'm in a rut with mine right now, and I feel so TRAPPED. It's so hard. But hang  in there. And do your best to know what you guys are going through will only be temporary. 

christmasstree

Yeah. I try to have date nights as much as possible. But we also live with my step mom and her kids too so I think that might be a big reason. Good luck with you too

christmasstree

I feel like I'm going to freak out and idk what to do. I just got an email from my school telling me they might be suspending my financial aid and I can't afford to pay for my classes any other way. I'm not working. I'm looking for ways to earn money so that's why I joined itworks and I feel like I'm failing at that too. I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed and idk what to do about it. Any other moms going through similar things?

rosannewild

I'm freaking out about money too! My work requires a weekly quota and they stop giving new referrals when you give notice. Hard to make quota now and they put you on part time status when you dip below. No more salary. The pay loss is then 20% to add injury to insult. So I might be seeing 1 person under quota and lose 20% of my income. I was hoping to keep my full time status until the end of March. The snowstorm this week killed me with cancellations. So many worries now!!!

christmasstree

Oh wow that's a shame. I hope things get better. Good luck