Using a family name, etiquette question

Penwater1

Hello everyone. My husband and I have always loved one of my family names. It is a first name that has been used throughout generations in my family, and currently I have a cousin with this first name. We would love to use this name for our dd. Should we ask my cousins permission to see if she would be ok with the use of her name? Our families are not very traditional families. So there is no tradition or meaning behind the name other than its been used often. It is a two part name and we would use the first part and change the second part to represent my husband's family. The cousin does not live in the same state and we do not see her often, but we do speak and write each other several times a year.

MamaBish

I would use it, if anything, the cousin will probably be flattered.

finchfeeder80

I personally don't see a problem with it. Especially since you said it's commonly used in the family anyway. But I'm not super uptight about this topic as it is, if you love a name, use it. No one has exclusivity rights to any name, they can't be "stolen", and I can't imagine anyone being upset about a baby being named after them/with their name. 

TL;DR: Go for it.

karaelaine1991

My DD is going to share a name with one of my cousins. We did not ask permission and she was thrilled to hear that she'd be sharing a name with the first of my grandparents' great grandchildren. Go for it.

KaLikeAWind

I'm thinking your cousin probably isn't going to care. But I would probably just let them know ahead of time (since your close-ish. If you never spoke to each other I probably wouldn't bother) that you're using the family name, so they'll have someone to share it with. That way if it really bothers them, they'll say something.

Muffinhb

I wouldn't ask my cousin, Id just use the name. Most likely your cousin will be honored to share the name.

Katerina&Baby

If you were naming your child the same name as a baby in your family, you might have reason to pause but once there is a generation between them, forget it - no issue.

mamahawk12

I would not ask or even tell them ahead of time.

Addelie

I wouldn't ask. If it's been around in your family then I can't imagine it being a problem. People usually love babies sharing their names!

Worst case scenario is that you mention it in advance and she says she's not happy with you using it, or you just get the impression that she's not happy - then you have a dilemma on your hands. Just go ahead instead!

amabarne

My parents used my cousin's middle name as mine also. They asked her (At like 11 years old) and she got super excited!

ElRuby

I really can't imagine her caring but before you ask a question be prepared for either answer. If she did have a problem would it really stop you from using the name you already love? If, not then it is pointless to ask.

wtbratcher

It's a family name. It's okay to use without permission.... Greek and Italian families do it all the time. Think of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Everyone was named Nick or Nikki. Love that movie!

hannahl201477

We are using my husbands grandfathers name he died last December. We asked..more like told.. my husbands aunt. She is the one that holds the family together. And all husbands cousins are very fertile and we didn't want anyone to "take" it from us. LOL!! I would definitely mention it.

Penwater1

blockquote class="Quote" rel="ElRuby">I really can't imagine her caring but before you ask a question be prepared for either answer. If she did have a problem would it really stop you from using the name you already love? If, not then it is pointless to ask.

If it really bothered her I wouldn't use it. After all it is her name. I wouldn't be upset, she's a very sweet & kind person and names are so personal. So I guess I just felt like it might be the right thing to give her a heads up

virginiaunicorn11

Go with your gut. Do you think your cousin would want you to ask/be mad later, or is it ok just to go for it?

For various reasons, DH and I felt it was better to ask permission to use the family names we are planning on. In some families, as you clearly see here, permission is not needed. I personally don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this question.

HoosOnFirst

I feel like I'm in the minority, but if my cousin named her baby my name, I just think that would be weird, although obviously I would not say so! There are lots of names in the world, there's no reason to duplicate. I am one of 20 cousins, and so there are a lot of names out of contention for me. Perhaps it's because we do see eachother frequently enough though that I wouldn't want to confuse anyone.

Penwater1

Thank you for all the advice ladies