Shower Frustration!

[Deleted User]

Hello ladies!  I need a little vent/advice.

So I am hosting a shower for my lovely sister later this month and I am extremely excited for it.  She was TTC for many, many years and really struggled so this feels like not only a celebration for her coming baby, but also a triumph of many years of hard work.  

Anyways, I am struggling with a few guests.  There were a few guests who haven't RSVPed so this past weekend I reached out to those people.  For many of them I did not have phone numbers, so I simply sent them a quick message online, something along the lines of "Hope you're doing well and keeping warm, was hoping to see you at the shower blah blah" Most of the people responded with a quick and simple yes or no - very easy.  One of my relatives responded with "Thanks for reaching out to me, here's my phone number".  Um... seriously?  Are you really SUCH a special snowflake that you 1) don't need to RSVP and 2) require that I make SEVERAL extra attempts to confirm your presence.  I haven't called her yet and I don't even know if I should at this point.  There isn't a lot of good relationship there and I am 99.9% sure she wont come, as she hasn't come to any family functions.  I have seen her once in like a decade.  what would you do?  Should I give her special snowflake treatment and call?  or should I just ignore it?

The second fun thing came today.  I just got an email from a guest essentially saying "Oopsie, we invited Father's random aunt and we realized that maybe you didn't invite her.  Can she come anyways?"

Will this destroy my budget to add one person?  No.  However, my biggest objection is that my sister specifically did not invite ANY random people to the shower because she wanted it to be personal and intimate, which I very much want to respect.  She did not say she wanted this random person invited.  So how on Earth should I be responding to this person in a nice way?  Or should I ask my sister first?  

Thanks in advance for advice!  Sorry about the long post

gypsea1109

Yikes! I would ask your sister first! It's her day after all! 

I had something like this happen at my wedding! My MIL invited people whom we had specifically not invited...talk about drama! Luckily, my mom was basically my wedding planner, and she confided in me and handled it with grace, and let my MIL know that it was not okay to invite that person, and no, we were not changing the head count. 

However, Baby Showers are definitely less formal than weddings, and if you are hosting at a home, it's no biggie. But ask your sister first! 

[Deleted User]

gypsea1109 said:

Yikes! I would ask your sister first! It's her day after all! 

I had something like this happen at my wedding! My MIL invited people whom we had specifically not invited...talk about drama! Luckily, my mom was basically my wedding planner, and she confided in me and handled it with grace, and let my MIL know that it was not okay to invite that person, and no, we were not changing the head count. 

However, Baby Showers are definitely less formal than weddings, and if you are hosting at a home, it's no biggie. But ask your sister first! 

I'm hosting at a restaurant, so each person does have a specific price attached to them.  Again, this isn't much biggest worry of the day, it's mostly that I doubt my sister would like this.  I'll probably ask her, just nervous that I will be giving a 30 weeks preggo lady a bunch of stress...

gypsea1109

antoto said:

gypsea1109 said:

Yikes! I would ask your sister first! It's her day after all! 

I had something like this happen at my wedding! My MIL invited people whom we had specifically not invited...talk about drama! Luckily, my mom was basically my wedding planner, and she confided in me and handled it with grace, and let my MIL know that it was not okay to invite that person, and no, we were not changing the head count. 

However, Baby Showers are definitely less formal than weddings, and if you are hosting at a home, it's no biggie. But ask your sister first! 

I'm hosting at a restaurant, so each person does have a specific price attached to them.  Again, this isn't much biggest worry of the day, it's mostly that I doubt my sister would like this.  I'll probably ask her, just nervous that I will be giving a 30 weeks preggo lady a bunch of stress...

I am 20 weeks and trust me, I would be very happy to be confided in on this situation. If she ends up fine with it, no issues - but if it's someone she doesn't want to be around...boy, that would be a bad thing to surprise a preggo lady with at her Shower! 

It's so annoying when people slip up and invite someone when they shouldn't, and then have the audacity to tell you that they messed up but they need that person to be able to come...lol! 

I hope it goes well though! Just remember - preggos need noooo drama!

michellersayer

I wouldn't made small talk I would just straight up ask if she's coming or not

VOR

MY reaction would be to:

With person #1, I wouldn't call her.  Chances are if you don't call, it's probably even more reason why she WON'T come. 

With person #2, I would just say "Unfortunately we have a very tight budget and are unable to add additional people.  I'm really sorry.  if this changes your ability to come, I fully understand.  Please let me know.". 

But if you want to run these by your sister, it can't hurt.  especially w/ #2 - if your sister would be upset that this person didn't come and would prefer that they brought the aunt vs not coming at all - you should ask her.  If she won't be upset if the person can't come because the aunt isn't included, then say th eabove. 

neverblushed

There are always issues surrounding the RSVPs.  That's my least favorite part of hosting a shower.  It brings out the most rude and thoughtless.  It's a bummer!

I think in this case, you assume the relative who gave you her phone number is a "no."  This opens up a spot for the "sub-invite" as long as it's not someone your sister can't deal with.  

NotISaidtheCat

As to the first, I'd just shoot her another quick response online saying basically "So sorry you can't make it, your presence will be missed" lol. If she's going to be rude and purposefully avoid answering your question take it as a refusal!

And the second...I'd definitely go with VOR's advice.

Saratiff

Am I missing something? You invited random relative you haven't seen in a Decade to a baby shower and everyone is hand picked but your all bent out of shape over weird aunt sub invite? That just seems odd

Second maybe weird relative thinks she is just being hit up for a gift and that's why she wants a personal phone call? FWIW I had said no kids at my wedding some of my cousins still brought their kids. I had seats made and bought there dinner long term scheme of things no big deal. But i would ask your sister . Good luck