Thank you for answering my question... /sarcasm

gypsea1109

<deleted>

lola2bee

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

gypsea1109

ladycersei said:

It may be easier for you to think of the registry as an organizational to-do list for yourself, as opposed to a list of gifts for other people to buy. No matter what, the completion coupon at the end is pretty sweet.

I don't get a completion coupon with BabyList...I don't think...

But my Husband and I totally think of the registry as a list of what we need, and will buy if others don't gift it to us. Even if we end up having to return and sell gifts to get the items we actually need off of our registry!

gypsea1109

lola2bee said:

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

After my Bridal Shower fiasco...I am dreading having a Baby Shower. I really am. I don't want to be 8 months pregnant and having to lug everything back to stores everywhere to return everything.  

But we are the first couple to have a baby in both families...and my mom is throwing the Shower (however, she sticks to registries!)...so I have to have a Shower...but grrrrr...I am so dreading the inevitable.

gypsea1109

ladycersei said:

I just want to point out that maybe you shouldn't be so rigid about your product choices. For instance, you say that you absolutely decided to use Honest brand diapers. However, once baby gets here you may notice that they might not work as well as you hope and you just might end up using a totally different brand. It's easy to say what you definitely will and will not do before the baby actually arrives. You will soon realize that you will do whatever works, regardless of what you may have "planned".

You have the right to use whatever you want when it comes to your baby. However, a registry is simply a suggestion of items to buy. A baby shower is a gift in itself. You either graciously accept the gift or don't have a shower at all. You may get things that you want and you will definitely get things that other people think you should have. If you get something that you won't use, then return it and use the money toward something you will use. Either way, nod and smile and say thank you for the money, time, and effort they put into buying a gift for your baby.

There is also the distinct possibility that a veteran mom may buy something helpful that you didn't even think of. Some of the best gifts I received were not on my registry at all. Just remember: keep an open mind and be prepared to receive gifts that aren't on your registry.

I am rigid to a firm point about chemicals and toxins in baby products (I am one of those tree-hugger types...I know, I know). So if people get me diapers that are not biodegradable, or made of harmful substances...ack, no way am I using those! There are a few diaper brands to choose from, but Honest Co. is obviously my favorite choice because of the subscriptions and etc. I love their shampoos and soaps too! 

I am fully prepared to have to buy everything off my registry (which is essentially my list of everything I believe I need, and it's been reviewed by several mamas for feedback too), but it sure would be nice if folks didn't go rogue. Gifts are gifts, but having a house full of gifts you can't use and have to return or sell...is a hassle.

KonaCoffeeBean

gypsea1109 said:

lola2bee said:

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

After my Bridal Shower fiasco...I am dreading having a Baby Shower. I really am. I don't want to be 8 months pregnant and having to lug everything back to stores everywhere to return everything.  

But we are the first couple to have a baby in both families...and my mom is throwing the Shower (however, she sticks to registries!)...so I have to have a Shower...but grrrrr...I am so dreading the inevitable.

It really is perfectly okay to politely decline a shower.

[Deleted User]

It sounds like you don't really even want this shower?  If you don't want it simply politely decline.  

I am a pretty big tree hugger myself (hoping someday to cloth diaper, etc) but just remember to stay humble.  I don't know you , but I do know that many of "our kind" have a smidge of a habit to completely abandon humility.  

I'm suggesting that you either kindly decline the shower or humbly accept the extremely kind and thoughtful gifts that I'm sure everyone is really excited to give you.  If you don't want to return the gifts maybe that that can be a chore your husband takes on if he agrees with you.

P.S. I really have no intention to start a whole different topic on here about this, but with the exception of diapers/lotions/food there aren't many items that you TRULY need to be cautious of from a "toxin" standpoint (and even those things don't have actual neurotoxins in them unless your guest bought them from some third world country with no regulations).  Remember that the "organic" industry is still an industry.  So all those organic whatevers you feel like you need may be totally pointless and a waste of money.  Be skeptical with everything - even the organic things.

Katerina&Baby

I'll start off by saying that I agree with you on the whole in that I think it's bad form to give someone a different brand from the one on their registry (it says "oh no - you don't want THAT one - I know better than you", which is obnoxious), especially for something like a car seat as it ignores the reality that not all seats are a good fit for a particular car - so really, I get your frustration there. HOWEVER, the tone of your post is a little bit entitled and ungracious - so what if you get things that you didn't ask for or want? Return them and move on (or better yet - have your SO return them), it's really not THAT big a deal. If you can't return an item and you absolutely don't want it, you can always donate it to a needy mother who would be happy to have it - there are plenty of programs that allow you to do this.

EDIT: Note - you're going to have a higher instance of people buying off your registry if you don't solely register for items from an online aggregator and instead also choose a brick and mortar store. MANY people in our parents generation are not tech savvy enough to use an online tool and prefer to go to the store, have the registry printed for them, and buy your gift in person.

gypsea1109

Katerina&Baby said:

I'll start off by saying that I agree with you on the whole in that I think it's bad form to give someone a different brand from the one on their registry (it says "oh no - you don't want THAT one - I know better than you", which is obnoxious), especially for something like a car seat as it ignores the reality that not all seats are a good fit for a particular car - so really, I get your frustration there. HOWEVER, the tone of your post is a little bit entitled and ungracious - so what if you get things that you didn't ask for or want? Return them and move on (or better yet - have your SO return them), it's really not THAT big a deal. If you can't return an item and you absolutely don't want it, you can always donate it to a needy mother who would be happy to have it - there are plenty of programs that allow you to do this.

EDIT: Note - you're going to have a higher instance of people buying off your registry if you don't solely register for items from an online aggregator and instead also choose a brick and mortar store. MANY people in our parents generation are not tech savvy enough to use an online tool and prefer to go to the store, have the registry printed for them, and buy your gift in person.

Yeah, I know it sounds so bratty to say the things I did...I truly am very appreciative of everything we get! I know my parents and his parents are fine with an online registry, and so will my grandparents (we are a tech savvy family luckily!) - but I did think about having a store as well! The problem is for me, most stores don't carry the items that I would use...so I resorted to BabyList where I can choose. I could have done Amazon, but I just fell in love with using BabyList! 

I know my post was borderline rant...I'm sorry for that. I really was hoping to hear how others found BabyList, etc. too though. 

I'm just cringing thinking about the hassle of returning nearly 80% of my gifts like I had to do after my Bridal Shower. But I know I will just have to smile and say thank you and deal with it later. My Husband and I (and likely my mom too) will be handling returns if we have to. 

gypsea1109

antoto said:

It sounds like you don't really even want this shower?  If you don't want it simply politely decline.  

I am a pretty big tree hugger myself (hoping someday to cloth diaper, etc) but just remember to stay humble.  I don't know you , but I do know that many of "our kind" have a smidge of a habit to completely abandon humility.  

I'm suggesting that you either kindly decline the shower or humbly accept the extremely kind and thoughtful gifts that I'm sure everyone is really excited to give you.  If you don't want to return the gifts maybe that that can be a chore your husband takes on if he agrees with you.

P.S. I really have no intention to start a whole different topic on here about this, but with the exception of diapers/lotions/food there aren't many items that you TRULY need to be cautious of from a "toxin" standpoint (and even those things don't have actual neurotoxins in them unless your guest bought them from some third world country with no regulations).  Remember that the "organic" industry is still an industry.  So all those organic whatevers you feel like you need may be totally pointless and a waste of money.  Be skeptical with everything - even the organic things.

Omg, I am so skeptical of everything like you said! I feel like I can't trust anything! I'm neurotic about it! My crib mattress is organic...I know it's not perfect, but I am trying to do the best! Glad someone else understands! 

I do want a Shower, I just don't know how to go about the gifts...my Husband and I are 23 and 25 years old and this is the first baby in my family and his...plus, my mom is throwing the Shower! (She's a tree-hugger herself, so she is not the issue at all!) 

I am just so conflicted. My Bridal Shower was great and I loved the energy, but we had so many duplicates and things we had no clue what to do with - I am dreading being 8 months pregnant and having to handle returns and buying what I will use and need. 

I think I am going to go nuts and just buy things off my own registry...lol! 

gypsea1109

KonaCoffeeBean said:

gypsea1109 said:

lola2bee said:

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

After my Bridal Shower fiasco...I am dreading having a Baby Shower. I really am. I don't want to be 8 months pregnant and having to lug everything back to stores everywhere to return everything.  

But we are the first couple to have a baby in both families...and my mom is throwing the Shower (however, she sticks to registries!)...so I have to have a Shower...but grrrrr...I am so dreading the inevitable.

It really is perfectly okay to politely decline a shower.

That's 200% not an option though...it's just not! And I am okay with that! 

Why should the gifts rule whether I have a celebration with family! It's my in-law side that fills my house with gifts I can't use  

lola2bee

gypsea1109 said:

lola2bee said:

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

After my Bridal Shower fiasco...I am dreading having a Baby Shower. I really am. I don't want to be 8 months pregnant and having to lug everything back to stores everywhere to return everything.  

But we are the first couple to have a baby in both families...and my mom is throwing the Shower (however, she sticks to registries!)...so I have to have a Shower...but grrrrr...I am so dreading the inevitable.

I hear you! I turned down four offers of a shower for my second to not deal with this kind of stuff. I'm like you very particular about what I want. I plan to throw a bbq or something later for friends and family with clear instructions "no gifts please"!!! Hope yours goes well!!!

gypsea1109

lola2bee said:

gypsea1109 said:

lola2bee said:

For my first son I made a registry that only two people bought from. That was it. You said everything already in your post. You just can't control what people buy. I know you're venting but it sounds like you are already ready for the inevitable.

After my Bridal Shower fiasco...I am dreading having a Baby Shower. I really am. I don't want to be 8 months pregnant and having to lug everything back to stores everywhere to return everything.  

But we are the first couple to have a baby in both families...and my mom is throwing the Shower (however, she sticks to registries!)...so I have to have a Shower...but grrrrr...I am so dreading the inevitable.

I hear you! I turned down four offers of a shower for my second to not deal with this kind of stuff. I'm like you very particular about what I want. I plan to throw a bbq or something later for friends and family with clear instructions "no gifts please"!!! Hope yours goes well!!!

Oh, this is going to be the ONLY one I have! It's so hard because my side of the family gets me...I mean, I was raised very crunchy, and my mom would never buy half the things a non-crunchy mom would. But my in-law side (and my Husband has tried to tell his mom not to go off registry because we don't need the things that she thinks we need) is the side that will stuff my house to the brim with things I can't/won't use. 

It's a struggle. I feel like a huge brat for being so strict about what brands and products I use...but why can't people just respect my decision to use home made baby soaps and etc.?! It's not like I can easily return diaper rash creams I won't use...

*Sidenote: Husband's side of the family never checks anything off of the registry (hopefully having BabyList will help that) and they never include receipts! I love them and I appreciate everything, but come on! 

lola2bee

You're not being a brat. It sounds like you are just trying to be thoughtful and efficient with your registry. Of course not everyone's going to be onboard with that. Bummer! But get ready for a life of family not always backing up your beliefs. Can't count the number of times by sister gave my 6 yr old soda and Taco Bell even though she knows I don't allow that stuff at home. You win some- you lose some!!! :-)

dufferoo

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

FemShep

In addition to all the great comments..... If it's *that* important to you to get EXACTLY what you want, use a traditional registry like Amazon. Make it easy for people to click once and buy. And enjoy the completion coupon.

gypsea1109

lola2bee said:

You're not being a brat. It sounds like you are just trying to be thoughtful and efficient with your registry. Of course not everyone's going to be onboard with that. Bummer! But get ready for a life of family not always backing up your beliefs. Can't count the number of times by sister gave my 6 yr old soda and Taco Bell even though she knows I don't allow that stuff at home. You win some- you lose some!!! :-)

Ugh, I know! It's like I can see the future...I will try everything I possibly can to keep crappy foods and gross sodas out of my house, but the in-laws will totally over ride that. Oh well, Grandparents are known for breaking rules and spoiling the kids! 

My registry is so simple and only has the necessities, plus maybe one or two Patagonia sun hats (I am having a girl), and some pink hooded bath towels...I am hyper sensitive to things like brands and what chemicals and ingredients are in baby products because I watched my mom struggle with my little brother! He had so many issues with his skin, and his poor little scalp...and all my mom did was use the typical stuff from the store! Johnson & Johnsons is made differently now than when she had used it on me! But...that is the world we live in! 

gypsea1109

dufferoo said:

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

Well that's fine! But then what is the purpose of a registry? If not to be 'picky' with what you want for your baby? I mean, it's goofy to me to have people in my family ask for my registry and then tell me 'Oh, you are too specific'...lol, if I didn't care what kind of diapers I will use on my baby, I would not have specified!  ) Like if you ask to see what I've got on my registry/wishlist, don't ignore what I specifically put down and get what you'd want - I'd rather just not receive a gift if that is what people will do! Gift cards are way better than getting the wrong brand, size, or something you'd never use! I love gift cards!

The issue is, the people who will ignore the registry, will also be butthurt about my Husband and I returning the items the next day to buy the items we are comfortable with using! So it's a no-win...for example, we aren't comfortable with using plastic bottles (personal preference), so if we asked for glass, and still get plastic...no one should be upset that we are returning/donating/selling them for the glass ones we asked for.

gypsea1109

FemShep said:

In addition to all the great comments..... If it's *that* important to you to get EXACTLY what you want, use a traditional registry like Amazon. Make it easy for people to click once and buy. And enjoy the completion coupon.

BabyList is a step further than Amazon! You can buy from any store - online or brick and mortar - and check it off on BabyList! Which is what I needed for my Bridal Shower registry...I ended up with so many duplicates it was so ridiculous! All people had to do was check things off so others knew it was bought! 

I have to check and see if BabyList has a completion coupon...but already know, with my family...my registry might have 4 things bought off of it... 

gypsea1109

I think my Husband and I are just going to start buying and checking items off of our own registry. Lmao. Is that neurotic?! I just can't wait until I am 8 months pregnant and waddling around...I have bad HG and fainting spells at 5 months, there will be no shopping days for me in 3 months!  )

Designermomma

I returned a ton of stuff from my shower with no receipts. However, Target and Walmart etc. have limits to how much you can return. If you create a registry at those places and then add the items to it that you got and didn't want, it's easier to return. Especially at BRU. Another thing I was surprised about was packs of diapers have different sku numbers from different stores. It's so frustrating to try to figure out where they got them from.
I say create registries at a few box stores with some items you DO want so at least people that want to go to a store can find something you want there plus you get a gift/coupon.

I'm semi-crunchy too but my main focus is both my sons have eczema issues so I have to get sensitive everything and all natural soaps. I wanted only sensitive diapers etc and got a lot if random diaper brands but I ended up using them all and didn't notice a difference either way. Babies mess their diapers so frequently and they are so pricey I just gave in on that one. Where I don't bend is soaps and lotions. (Those are easier to return too)

Also, if you want to be super crunchy you might try reusable cloth diapers with diaper covers. My boys go to daycare so it's not an option for us but my SAHM friends do it.

gypsea1109

Designermomma said:

I returned a ton of stuff from my shower with no receipts. However, Target and Walmart etc. have limits to how much you can return. If you create a registry at those places and then add the items to it that you got and didn't want, it's easier to return. Especially at BRU. Another thing I was surprised about was packs of diapers have different sku numbers from different stores. It's so frustrating to try to figure out where they got them from.
I say create registries at a few box stores with some items you DO want so at least people that want to go to a store can find something you want there plus you get a gift/coupon.

I'm semi-crunchy too but my main focus is both my sons have eczema issues so I have to get sensitive everything and all natural soaps. I wanted only sensitive diapers etc and got a lot if random diaper brands but I ended up using them all and didn't notice a difference either way. Babies mess their diapers so frequently and they are so pricey I just gave in on that one. Where I don't bend is soaps and lotions. (Those are easier to return too)

Also, if you want to be super crunchy you might try reusable cloth diapers with diaper covers. My boys go to daycare so it's not an option for us but my SAHM friends do it.

I am thinking about a brick & mortar store...maybe Target...however, I don't think it matters where my registry is, the side of the family that is the issue won't look at or stick to any registry. 

I would LOVE to cloth diaper, but we just won't be able to do that. I'm only going to be working from home 2 days a week, while my husband works from home 1 day a week (thankful for flexible IT careers!), and then the other days Baby will be with grandmom or great grandmom. I can't put that on them to deal with cloth diapering. I'm just going to have to go for the next best thing, and get the best disposables (biodegradable as well) I can. In reality, the Honest Co. diapers are the same price as any diaper brands in my local stores...plus, they have a great subscription plan, so I am not worried about that. 

I just hope that my families can respect my wishes on things like soaps, lotions, organic bedding, etc. It's rude to me to ask for my registry and then go totally rogue and get the soaps, lotions and bedding you'd want instead. They should not have asked for my registry info then! Grrr

Nutmegger2

gypsea1109 said:

dufferoo said:

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

Well that's fine! But then what is the purpose of a registry? If not to be 'picky' with what you want for your baby? I mean, it's goofy to me to have people in my family ask for my registry and then tell me 'Oh, you are too specific'...lol, if I didn't care what kind of diapers I will use on my baby, I would not have specified!  ) Like if you ask to see what I've got on my registry/wishlist, don't ignore what I specifically put down and get what you'd want - I'd rather just not receive a gift if that is what people will do! Gift cards are way better than getting the wrong brand, size, or something you'd never use! I love gift cards!

The issue is, the people who will ignore the registry, will also be butthurt about my Husband and I returning the items the next day to buy the items we are comfortable with using! So it's a no-win...for example, we aren't comfortable with using plastic bottles (personal preference), so if we asked for glass, and still get plastic...no one should be upset that we are returning/donating/selling them for the glass ones we asked for.

Honestly, you are a perfect candidate for not having a shower at all. The point of a shower is to give you gifts. If you're unappreciative of whatever people give you or THAT particular, you just should not be having a shower.

dufferoo

You must be a troll. But for the record, Honest diapers are not biodegradable.

gypsea1109

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

dufferoo said:

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

Well that's fine! But then what is the purpose of a registry? If not to be 'picky' with what you want for your baby? I mean, it's goofy to me to have people in my family ask for my registry and then tell me 'Oh, you are too specific'...lol, if I didn't care what kind of diapers I will use on my baby, I would not have specified!  ) Like if you ask to see what I've got on my registry/wishlist, don't ignore what I specifically put down and get what you'd want - I'd rather just not receive a gift if that is what people will do! Gift cards are way better than getting the wrong brand, size, or something you'd never use! I love gift cards!

The issue is, the people who will ignore the registry, will also be butthurt about my Husband and I returning the items the next day to buy the items we are comfortable with using! So it's a no-win...for example, we aren't comfortable with using plastic bottles (personal preference), so if we asked for glass, and still get plastic...no one should be upset that we are returning/donating/selling them for the glass ones we asked for.

Honestly, you are a perfect candidate for not having a shower at all. The point of a shower is to give you gifts. If you're unappreciative of whatever people give you or THAT particular, you just should not be having a shower.

It's not me being unappreciative, it's me just not willing to use things that I don't believe in...like my example about the plastics v. glass bottles.

I totally want a Shower! As I said further up the thread, I want to celebrate regardless of gifts. I'll just end up buying off my own registry now, and checking things off...it's more of a list for myself anyways! 

gypsea1109

dufferoo said:

You must be a troll. But for the record, Honest diapers are not biodegradable.

Huh? Why would I be a troll? 

I am a first time mom with a busy IT career...I have just been looking for the best diapering option for my Husband and I. Cloth diapering is so not even an option, it's not even funny. Honest seemed to have the best reviews, not bad of a price and a great subscription plan since we hardly go to brick and mortar stores. I am also looking into Broody and Bambo diapers as well, but those just are not as readily available like Honest Co. diapers are. I've also read in several places that Honest Co. diapers are biodegradable, but not compostable (I am not looking to compost, but I am looking to get a Diaper Dekor 'diaper genie' bin that has biodegradable bags as well as the diapers). 

Nutmegger2

gypsea1109 said:

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

dufferoo said:

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

Well that's fine! But then what is the purpose of a registry? If not to be 'picky' with what you want for your baby? I mean, it's goofy to me to have people in my family ask for my registry and then tell me 'Oh, you are too specific'...lol, if I didn't care what kind of diapers I will use on my baby, I would not have specified!  ) Like if you ask to see what I've got on my registry/wishlist, don't ignore what I specifically put down and get what you'd want - I'd rather just not receive a gift if that is what people will do! Gift cards are way better than getting the wrong brand, size, or something you'd never use! I love gift cards!

The issue is, the people who will ignore the registry, will also be butthurt about my Husband and I returning the items the next day to buy the items we are comfortable with using! So it's a no-win...for example, we aren't comfortable with using plastic bottles (personal preference), so if we asked for glass, and still get plastic...no one should be upset that we are returning/donating/selling them for the glass ones we asked for.

Honestly, you are a perfect candidate for not having a shower at all. The point of a shower is to give you gifts. If you're unappreciative of whatever people give you or THAT particular, you just should not be having a shower.

It's not me being unappreciative, it's me just not willing to use things that I don't believe in...like my example about the plastics v. glass bottles.

I totally want a Shower! As I said further up the thread, I want to celebrate regardless of gifts. I'll just end up buying off my own registry now, and checking things off...it's more of a list for myself anyways! 

I get that you WANT a shower, but if you can't do it graciously without saying "I ONLY want what I ask for and I'm returning everything else", then you shouldn't be having one. It's rude.

gypsea1109

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

dufferoo said:

To answer your question "What's so wrong with shopping off the registry?": It's just no fun, especially when the mom-to-me is so militant about it. If I had a friend who gave off the vibe that you give off in your post, I think I would just roll my eyes and tell her to buy her own darn Honest diapers. (You should know, btw, that that is a huge corporation that is probably not nearly as eco-friendly or chemical-free as their mass-marketing would lead you to believe.)

Well that's fine! But then what is the purpose of a registry? If not to be 'picky' with what you want for your baby? I mean, it's goofy to me to have people in my family ask for my registry and then tell me 'Oh, you are too specific'...lol, if I didn't care what kind of diapers I will use on my baby, I would not have specified!  ) Like if you ask to see what I've got on my registry/wishlist, don't ignore what I specifically put down and get what you'd want - I'd rather just not receive a gift if that is what people will do! Gift cards are way better than getting the wrong brand, size, or something you'd never use! I love gift cards!

The issue is, the people who will ignore the registry, will also be butthurt about my Husband and I returning the items the next day to buy the items we are comfortable with using! So it's a no-win...for example, we aren't comfortable with using plastic bottles (personal preference), so if we asked for glass, and still get plastic...no one should be upset that we are returning/donating/selling them for the glass ones we asked for.

Honestly, you are a perfect candidate for not having a shower at all. The point of a shower is to give you gifts. If you're unappreciative of whatever people give you or THAT particular, you just should not be having a shower.

It's not me being unappreciative, it's me just not willing to use things that I don't believe in...like my example about the plastics v. glass bottles.

I totally want a Shower! As I said further up the thread, I want to celebrate regardless of gifts. I'll just end up buying off my own registry now, and checking things off...it's more of a list for myself anyways! 

I get that you WANT a shower, but if you can't do it graciously without saying "I ONLY want what I ask for and I'm returning everything else", then you shouldn't be having one. It's rude.

Gifts won't be the focal point of my Shower though - I'm planning it with my mom and she agrees with me on that

gypsea1109

ladycersei said:

Well, from what you've written here OP, while you're grateful and appreciative to have a shower, you are not appreciative of the fact that people won't be following your registry item for item. It's kind of contradictory.

A registry is simply a list of suggestions for people. It's not a mandatory list. I know you feel very strongly about things but you can't forget that anything anyone gets you is a gift that they took the time, money, and effort to buy for your baby. That's simply not something that you can or should dictate.

If receiving gifts is this stressful for you, why not just have a baby party and forget the shower part. That way you can celebrate with your family like you want and you don't have the added "stress" of someone buying you something that may have to be returned.

I suppose there is no winning in my situation where I have family adamant about me making a registry, but then they refuse to follow it. Oh well! 

I am basing this all on how excessive the returns pile was after my Bridal Shower. It was literally 80% of what I got that day...and I have a small house! 

Nutmegger2

gypsea1109 said:

ladycersei said:

Well, from what you've written here OP, while you're grateful and appreciative to have a shower, you are not appreciative of the fact that people won't be following your registry item for item. It's kind of contradictory.

A registry is simply a list of suggestions for people. It's not a mandatory list. I know you feel very strongly about things but you can't forget that anything anyone gets you is a gift that they took the time, money, and effort to buy for your baby. That's simply not something that you can or should dictate.

If receiving gifts is this stressful for you, why not just have a baby party and forget the shower part. That way you can celebrate with your family like you want and you don't have the added "stress" of someone buying you something that may have to be returned.

I suppose there is no winning in my situation where I have family adamant about me making a registry, but then they refuse to follow it. Oh well! 

I am basing this all on how excessive the returns pile was after my Bridal Shower. It was literally 80% of what I got that day...and I have a small house! 

For the record, this also makes you sound very ungrateful. I didn't return a single wedding present I got - and plenty were not from my registry. And I lived in a condo.

gypsea1109

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

ladycersei said:

Well, from what you've written here OP, while you're grateful and appreciative to have a shower, you are not appreciative of the fact that people won't be following your registry item for item. It's kind of contradictory.

A registry is simply a list of suggestions for people. It's not a mandatory list. I know you feel very strongly about things but you can't forget that anything anyone gets you is a gift that they took the time, money, and effort to buy for your baby. That's simply not something that you can or should dictate.

If receiving gifts is this stressful for you, why not just have a baby party and forget the shower part. That way you can celebrate with your family like you want and you don't have the added "stress" of someone buying you something that may have to be returned.

I suppose there is no winning in my situation where I have family adamant about me making a registry, but then they refuse to follow it. Oh well! 

I am basing this all on how excessive the returns pile was after my Bridal Shower. It was literally 80% of what I got that day...and I have a small house! 

For the record, this also makes you sound very ungrateful. I didn't return a single wedding present I got - and plenty were not from my registry. And I lived in a condo.

I got tons of duplicate gifts. Why should I hang on to 2 blenders, and 3 sets of the same baking sheets? I'm not ungrateful, I'm just running out of room and don't need duplicates! Lol! )

saric83

I'm sure it can be frustrating when people don't heed of the items you've carefully selected, but as you already know, it's going to happen.  There's no use in getting stressed about it or trying to change their ways.  It is what it is.  Either figure out a way to mentally accept it or decline the shower and change it to a non gift-giving event.  

I assume this is something you are going to have to deal with for every gift-giving holiday and birthdays with your in-laws, so it's time to stop worrying about things that are out of your control.  I know that it feels like a big deal to you right now, but truly, if your biggest concern is worrying about which presents you'll need to return, things are pretty damn fabulous in your world, and you're wasting your energy on matters that really matter very very little in the grand scheme of things. 

Also random thought, but if people buy you soaps or things like that, it's likely because they'll think you forgot to register for them.  People won't automatically assume you'll be making them yourself. 

HaruhiChan

I get you want specific items.

But this rubs me the wrong way.

As a first time mom, it may be wise to listen to those before you who may buy something you don't have on your registry because you may not realize how much you may need that item. They've been there so are putting thought in for you from their experiences. To me, it'd be a bit insulting to automatically return something they put a lot of thought into just because you have some very rigid choices.


Second, many mom to bes out there have fallen on hard times, and would be ever so grateful and appreciative of the generosity of other. So again, rubbed the wrong way that someone is so worked up over getting the "wrong" stuff when they are so fortunate to have people who want to buy for them and support their new family member.

Parenting is a lot harder if someone tries to set everything in stone. What will you do if your child has a reaction to your chosen diaper brand, despite being "organic"? It's possible. Plus, you can't keep them from everything you think is bad in the world. What if your child does not take your chosen bottles well? There's so many "what ifs" out there that you don't know and can't know right now. It's unwise to go into this so set in one way. You can have ideals, but being so rigid on them can backfire on you.

Not trying to be disrespectful to your lifestyle at all. I get it actually. But the attitude about it is what really bothers me.

That, and what about future gifts for baby's birthdays and christmas? From your child's friends as she grows up? You can't control every aspect in life lol just bend a little bit here and there, or things will be a lot more harder for you than they need to be.

gypsea1109

knitttingmama said:

gypsea1109 said:

Nutmegger2 said:

gypsea1109 said:

ladycersei said:

Well, from what you've written here OP, while you're grateful and appreciative to have a shower, you are not appreciative of the fact that people won't be following your registry item for item. It's kind of contradictory.

A registry is simply a list of suggestions for people. It's not a mandatory list. I know you feel very strongly about things but you can't forget that anything anyone gets you is a gift that they took the time, money, and effort to buy for your baby. That's simply not something that you can or should dictate.

If receiving gifts is this stressful for you, why not just have a baby party and forget the shower part. That way you can celebrate with your family like you want and you don't have the added "stress" of someone buying you something that may have to be returned.

I suppose there is no winning in my situation where I have family adamant about me making a registry, but then they refuse to follow it. Oh well! 

I am basing this all on how excessive the returns pile was after my Bridal Shower. It was literally 80% of what I got that day...and I have a small house! 

For the record, this also makes you sound very ungrateful. I didn't return a single wedding present I got - and plenty were not from my registry. And I lived in a condo.

I got tons of duplicate gifts. Why should I hang on to 2 blenders, and 3 sets of the same baking sheets? I'm not ungrateful, I'm just running out of room and don't need duplicates! Lol! )

How could 80% of your gifts be duplicates?  To me you sound very ungrateful.  I had 6 guests (of 45 invited) show up to my wedding shower.  I was grateful for those that actually took the time to show up and I didn't return a single thing.

The 80% amount of returns were partly: bras and lingerie that were way too big so I returned to get the right size, or just got a gift card to use later, my in-law side gave tons of duplicates (I had 2 blenders, 3 of the same baking sheet sets, like 4 cutting boards, 3 cheese graters, etc...why do I need to feel bad about returning duplicates? I have a small single-family home and no room for all the duplicates!), we got a lot of kitchen decor type stuff - kitchen towels, matching rug, and etc., and it was all a chicken and rooster theme (ick!) so needless to say, I said thank you for my gifts, and was super happy that everyone celebrated our upcoming marriage, but I had a large pile of things I had no clue what to do with. My Husband and I had lived together for almost 3 years before getting married, we owned everything kitchen-wise (and I don't even like to cook or bake, so...), so we decided to make our registry focused on things like nice towel sets, nice sheets, bedding, etc. 

We were very appreciative, but if a couple does not need extras (that they did not ask for) cluttering their house up, they should never feel bad about returning items. 

Btw, we had nearly 30 attendees at my Bridal Shower.