High Risk and Scared to Share the Big News

bethb51885

I apologize if this is already a thread.... But I need some advice. I have a UU. With this condition numbers state that 47% of pregnancies result in a live birth. There are, however, a umber of women who could have this condition and never find out until after they are in labor and need a c-section due to breach. These women were not in any studies as they did not know, so the numbers could be flawed.... This is my first pregnancy and my husband and I have been trying for two years. I really want to be a mom. So far everything has looked good and the US tech said if I hadn't told her, she wouldn't have guessed I had a UU because everything appeared to be normal sized. I am 12 weeks and 3 days. My husband wants to tell everyone and make big announcements. I want to share with them the news, but also let them know there may be complications. I know how happy everyone will be and it almost makes me feel bad to think my body could disappoint them. I want to just be happy and not think about it and believe everything will be ok, but I worry.We are supposed to go to his parents house tonight for his mom's birthday. He wants to make a big announcement at dinner. I told him I was not comfortable and that if we were going to share tonight, it should be with the explanation that it is high risk and not while we are all eating cake to celebrate his mom. The day is about her, not us. He told me if I didn't want to just be happy and announce his way then he didn't want me to come. If I cave then I am going to feel awful and uncomfortable and will likely cry because I am hormonal. If I don't go, I don't know if he will forgive me. Help? 

KutiePebbles

Hello I know there are not many of us since our anomaly is rare but I also have a UU and have a 10 month old son. I was in your shoes this time last year and I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I waited till 16 weeks to announce and even then I did not feel comfortable sharing. Fear of the unknown.

Since more of our risks tend to come when carrying, I was scared to embrace pregnancy for fear of losing the baby. I ended up not getting comfortable till I was about 25+ wks. Looking back, I am glad we announced a bit later, but I might wait longer when we get pregnant with #2. My pregnancy was typical with no issues other than GD but my UU reached capacity at 28+6, went into full blown labor and delivered at 29 wks exactly. As I said, I just got comfy with my pregnancy around 25 wks and 4 wks later, I was having a baby so needless to say, it was beyond hard for me. I suffered a bit of PTSD and anxiety but did get through it as my sons journey got closer to coming home. He spent 10 weeks and 5 days in the NICU and is now a happy, healthy 10 month.  

My story is not the predictor of all UU stories. My good friend with a UU had low fluid and IUGR at 32 wks, ended up on hospital bed rest but was able to push off delivery till 36 wks. Her son had no NICU time and only has a minor complication with his arm from the IUGR so all stories (like all pregnancies) are different.

I do not really go on to chat much anymore but there are 2 yahoo groups, one for anomalies, one for UU's. The UU group is very supportive and there are many women who have had term babies and some women who birthed twins. 

You might have already decided on dinner plans, but my advice would be, do what you feel comfortable with. If 12 wks is too soon and you do not want to announce at dinner, then wait. Even if your husband and you are not on the same page at the moment, take the next few days to communicate more and decide on what will make you more comfortable. You need his support at this time so try to get on the same page with how you want the pregnancy experience to be. My husband had a hard time agreeing to some of my requests but when you are the one going through all the physical changes and have elevated risks, you need to be clear on what is gong to be best for you. 

Also, I told family I was high risk and briefly stated why but never said/explained that I have a UU until after I had my son. People tend to look at you like you have a third eye when you say you were born with half a uterus so it was easier for me to keep it brief. I didn't want family or friends to add in unwarranted advice or overwhelm me more than I already was. There is no reason for Aunt So-and-So googling a UU and giving me her internet medical opinion on what I should or should not do. So keeping it brief worked for me but think of the people in your family and analyze what will benefit you the most.

Other advice (since I've already written a novel) make sure you are seeing an experienced OB who has dealt with UUs and also an MFM. You might need extra cervical monitoring, progesterone suppositories or shots, bed rest, steriod shots, etc and an MFM is best for that.

Lastly, if you end up in preemie territory, you want to make sure your hospital has a level 3 NICU. If it does not, find out where the closest one is in case your baby needs to be transported. Tour the NICU and ask questions but don't do too much preemie research. It will just scare the f*ck out of you--- trust me!

Sit back, take a deep breath and try to enjoy this time because it is a precious gift. Feel free to message me if you have questions or just want to chat some more, one on one. I hope you had a good night and feel good with what ever you decided. 

3JTMom

Can you sit down and talk to him and tell him how you are feeling? Can you come up with a compromise, maybe have a little party at 15 or 20 weeks and let people know? Make it special, for him, and you?

Cookin'Quiltin