Comparing Development in Twins

Ok, so this may be fueled by sleep deprivation, infertility veteran anxiety or preemie mom paranoia, so bear with me. I have 11 week old twin boys (almost 5 weeks adjusted). One baby loves to watch your face, and started smiling constantly in the past week. His brother will watch your face (and prefers people who are not mommy!), but is very stingy with smiles. He also stares off into the distance a lot during the day. I know it's early to be worried about autism or other disorders, but I can't help it. So, is this behavior normal, or am I just unfairly comparing him? How do you all not worry when their is a measuring stick laying next to them!?!

Re: Comparing Development in Twins

  • It's very normal and likely something you wouldn't even think about if it was just him. My daughters, who were 37wkers didn't really smile a real smile until they were about 12wks, maybe closer to 14. 

    A sibling isn't a measuring stick, even for identicals. They are two different people despite any physical likeness. It's hard to keep your head on straight when you're in the thick of that newborn stage, but soon you'll be able to think about them as individuals and not "why isn't A doing that when B is?"
    no day but today~ RENT  *HEG survivors*
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  • I had double check that I didn't post this! Lol my 36 weekers are the same way. They are now almost 4 months but I try really hard to think of them as 3 month olds as that is really more where they are developmentally. One is very social and the other didn't really start smiling consistently until a couple of weeks ago. He prefered other people and loves to stare at ceiling fans. I also worry about Autism, but less so now that he is older. He also has a lot of reflux issues which leads to him not feeling good and I have noticed he is more disconnected when he doesnt feel good. I have been taking him to a chiropractor tha specializes in infants and she has made a huge difference! Once they hit 3-4 months adjusted I think you'll see a big difference in them! Also sometimes comparison isn't a bad thing - it was how I realized there was something wrong with my smiley twin. At a week old he was so much less alert than the other one that I mentioned it do my pediatrician and it turned out he had dangerously low blood sugars and adrenal insufficiency. He could have died had I not thought to myself, why isn't he more alert like his brother? So its ok to compare, but don't let it drive you crazy!!
    Me: 33, DH: 33
    Married since 2007

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  • BigbonededBigboneded member
    edited February 2015
    My 9 wk old girls, (born at 35/1). One is smiling with purpose at people, the other not yet. But she tracks faces, so maybe she just doesn't like us as much! ;-)
    I also started looking for autistic clues (I have a 14yo autistic cousin) but I dont want to borrow worry...
    I think it is normal to compare siblings. Even between singletons- also every child is an individual, who will develop at his/her own pace.
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  • Thank you ladies. I appreciate hearing your stories and hope we all make it out of this newborn phase relatively unscathed!
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