I'm a big fan of two of those: Say something other than "no" and talk to her grown up, and I do a variation of a third: reflect my DD's emotions in a kind and somewhat equal way ("you are VERY upset about this!!!!").
@MelanieBrilliant and @BumpTara, I took it as an intellectual challenge (I love puzzles!) to redirect my child rather than saying "no" and I lead with "do this or that" and generally avoid "don't" completely. It's habit now. e.g. Yesterday to my DD 3.5y, "Oh! [pause to think] I see you are rubbing sand on the dining room table. [pause to think] I am concerned that it will ruin the table. [pause to think] You could ask for a newspaper or use your play table for that. Let's clean the table, we'll put the sand in a bowl for now..." But I believe everything in moderation, so now that DD asks direct questions I use "no" in responses so she can hear it -emphasizing other words if I can- (e.g. "No, you cannot have that now. Would you like to have it this afternoon?"). So it sounds weird to me when DH says "don't do that". I ask him, "what do you want her/him to do?" Although, I did blurt "No!" last week as my toddler DS pulled down a pile of stuff on top of his head. Caught me off guard.
Interestingly DD says "no" or "don't do that" often. Must be natural and/or she picks it up elsewhere; e.g. DD says to herself, "This is whining: Moooom, can I haaave that nooooow? Don't do that, say: Mom, can I please have that now." (I've never said "stop whining" or "I can't hear you when you whine", only ever "You sound like this... try this..." Like I said, it's fun... and it slows me down [...pause...] b/c as DD informed me recently I can otherwise be a "hothead".
Do you find you say "no" a lot or more than you'd like?
TTC#1 2003 BFNs, 2004-2009 5 angels above
2010 IVF-PGS-FET#1, DD b. Aug-2011
TTC#2 2012 BFNs, 2013 FET#2, DS b. Nov-2013
TTC#3 2015 BFNs, FET#3 (my 6th and last angel above)
BumpTara said:@SharonB222 That's really great advice! Instead of just a short "no," saying "do this or that" helps explain your feelings to your child and gives them positive options. Definitely beneficial for them and it can help create more of a conversation between you both!
@SharonB222 That's really great advice! Instead of just a short "no," saying "do this or that" helps explain your feelings to your child and gives them positive options. Definitely beneficial for them and it can help create more of a conversation between you both!