Unique parenting methods: wacky or effective?

bumptara

It’s easy to scoff at these surprising parenting methods before you realize how challenging having kids is. Then, you realize that everything is fair game if it helps!

Five Bumpies shared their wacky parenting methods, like letting baby go diaper-free (really). Remarkably, they actually worked!

What do you think of these methods? Have you tried any crazy parenting methods?

Tessybell2007

How do I start a thread

Maladroit

A good read, very insightful.  My MIL never used the word 'NO' with her 3 boys and they still refuse to hear the word, not sure it's the best option to never be told no.  She took it to the extreme though, buying them whatever they wanted and letting them spend whatever they wanted.  I loved reading about the tantrums and the biting and hadn't even thought about how confusing of a message it might convey to do the same thing you're wanting them to stop doing.

Kitta+1

I am pregnant for the first time, but I do help parent my fiancee's daughter from a previous marriage, who is now 13.  I was lucky in that she already had basic reasoning skills by the time I entered the picture - I always try to explain why the rules are the way they are, but I also believe in making sure kids understand the chain of command.  I want to know that for sure if I give an order it will be followed, but I don't mind explaining myself at the right time, because understanding the rules helps the kids build reasoning skills, and proves that I don't just make up stuff for the fun of it, lol.  Also note, with me being a nurse and papa being ex-army, we believe strongly in structure.

I'm not sure how well my philosophy will hold against a toddler, but I figure in parenting instead of tryng out all the fads, a little common sense likely goes a long way.  Model the behavior you want.  Don't expect them to be better behaved than you are.  And make sure everyone understands the chain of command.

bumptara

Really good advice about modeling the behavior you want your kids to have! Sometimes the simplest piece of parenting wisdom can be some of the most important. 

HaddisMommy

I agree with redirecting instead of just saying 'no', and with biting children who bite back (my kids have each only ever bitten me once, I bit them right back and they never bit anyone again), but PLEASE don't throw a tantrum at your toddler!!
As parents we are in a unique position to raise tiny people to eventually become healthy members of society.  To do that, we must model appropriate behavior for them to emulate.  If you throw a tantrum when your toddler does, they might stop momentarily but if you pay attention, the child only stopped because they are watching you.  Children watch everything we do and that's how they learn their behaviors.  Way more than by the verbal lessons we try to instil, they will just repeat what they see us do.  Throwing an adult-sized tantrum doesn't give them the skills to effectively handle their new emotions.
Rather than throw a tantrum when your child does, calmly explain that this behavior is unacceptable and then place them in a safe place for them to complete their tantrum.  As soon as they calm down, go to them and shower them with affection only when they are behaving.  They will eventually learn that the tantrum gets them isolated, but being calm gets them the attention that they crave (which is probably why they threw the tantrum in the first place).  Identify why your toddler is having a tantrum - are they thirsty? too tired? overstimulated? learning to share?  They don't have the vocabulary to express themselves yet, so we have to pay close attention.  "Are you upset because you wanted the green block?  When you calm down, you can ask Sissy nicely for the green block, or you can play with the red block, but yelling is not nice.  You can come play when you're done yelling," - then put them in their playpen/crib/or bedroom till they stop screaming.  Another method is to take the child for a walk, it gets them away from whatever stimulated the tantrum and the exercise of walking gets them to release the energy in a healthy, positive way instead of screaming, throwing, hitting, or whatever method the child would otherwise use to express their frustration.  It's also a great time to talk to the child about their feelings in a non-threatening, neutral environment.
I have found these methods to be incredibly effective not only for my own children, but for my daycare children as well. 

bumptara

HaddisMommy said:

I agree with redirecting instead of just saying 'no', and with biting children who bite back (my kids have each only ever bitten me once, I bit them right back and they never bit anyone again), but PLEASE don't throw a tantrum at your toddler!!
As parents we are in a unique position to raise tiny people to eventually become healthy members of society.  To do that, we must model appropriate behavior for them to emulate.  If you throw a tantrum when your toddler does, they might stop momentarily but if you pay attention, the child only stopped because they are watching you.  Children watch everything we do and that's how they learn their behaviors.  Way more than by the verbal lessons we try to instil, they will just repeat what they see us do.  Throwing an adult-sized tantrum doesn't give them the skills to effectively handle their new emotions.
Rather than throw a tantrum when your child does, calmly explain that this behavior is unacceptable and then place them in a safe place for them to complete their tantrum.  As soon as they calm down, go to them and shower them with affection only when they are behaving.  They will eventually learn that the tantrum gets them isolated, but being calm gets them the attention that they crave (which is probably why they threw the tantrum in the first place).  Identify why your toddler is having a tantrum - are they thirsty? too tired? overstimulated? learning to share?  They don't have the vocabulary to express themselves yet, so we have to pay close attention.  "Are you upset because you wanted the green block?  When you calm down, you can ask Sissy nicely for the green block, or you can play with the red block, but yelling is not nice.  You can come play when you're done yelling," - then put them in their playpen/crib/or bedroom till they stop screaming.  Another method is to take the child for a walk, it gets them away from whatever stimulated the tantrum and the exercise of walking gets them to release the energy in a healthy, positive way instead of screaming, throwing, hitting, or whatever method the child would otherwise use to express their frustration.  It's also a great time to talk to the child about their feelings in a non-threatening, neutral environment.
I have found these methods to be incredibly effective not only for my own children, but for my daycare children as well. 

Any opportunity to talk about your LO's feelings with them is a great one. Awesome suggestions!  

Meagain31

HaddisMommy said:

I agree with redirecting instead of just saying 'no', and with biting children who bite back (my kids have each only ever bitten me once, I bit them right back and they never bit anyone again), but PLEASE don't throw a tantrum at your toddler!!
As parents we are in a unique position to raise tiny people to eventually become healthy members of society.  To do that, we must model appropriate behavior for them to emulate.  If you throw a tantrum when your toddler does, they might stop momentarily but if you pay attention, the child only stopped because they are watching you.  Children watch everything we do and that's how they learn their behaviors.  Way more than by the verbal lessons we try to instil, they will just repeat what they see us do.  Throwing an adult-sized tantrum doesn't give them the skills to effectively handle their new emotions.
Rather than throw a tantrum when your child does, calmly explain that this behavior is unacceptable and then place them in a safe place for them to complete their tantrum.  As soon as they calm down, go to them and shower them with affection only when they are behaving.  They will eventually learn that the tantrum gets them isolated, but being calm gets them the attention that they crave (which is probably why they threw the tantrum in the first place).  Identify why your toddler is having a tantrum - are they thirsty? too tired? overstimulated? learning to share?  They don't have the vocabulary to express themselves yet, so we have to pay close attention.  "Are you upset because you wanted the green block?  When you calm down, you can ask Sissy nicely for the green block, or you can play with the red block, but yelling is not nice.  You can come play when you're done yelling," - then put them in their playpen/crib/or bedroom till they stop screaming.  Another method is to take the child for a walk, it gets them away from whatever stimulated the tantrum and the exercise of walking gets them to release the energy in a healthy, positive way instead of screaming, throwing, hitting, or whatever method the child would otherwise use to express their frustration.  It's also a great time to talk to the child about their feelings in a non-threatening, neutral environment.
I have found these methods to be incredibly effective not only for my own children, but for my daycare children as well. 

Biting a child is a horrible way to parent. You should not be giving parenting advice.

NotISaidtheCat

Meagain31 said:

Biting a child is a horrible way to parent. You should not be giving parenting advice.

Every child needs something different to get certain points across. I'm sure you do things that would horrify other parents (because everyone does), so don't get preachy.

Meagain31

NotISaidtheCat said:

Meagain31 said:

Biting a child is a horrible way to parent. You should not be giving parenting advice.

Every child needs something different to get certain points across. I'm sure you do things that would horrify other parents (because everyone does), so don't get preachy.

Biting someone is a sixth your size to hurt them is not now and never will be good parenting.

Limebearer

I strongly agree with the no baby talk. I resented it as a child, and some of the most brilliant well behaved kids i know were spoken to as normal people. For example, one of my friends has a 10 yr old daughter. Super smart and well behaved usually. When she was 2, she threw a temper tantrum and bit her dad in a store. He removed his hand from her mouth, picked her up and brought her to the car and told her calmly and rationally " you are not to do that again. You are in the car now because you did not behave. When your mother finishes in the store we will go back home. You will not stop at the ice cream place, because you bit me and made a scene" She became calm very quickly, looked at her father and said " sorry daddy. Never again. Ice cream other time?" She absolutely understood, and her father confirmed " yes, ice cream another time" in the 8 yrs since then shes never thrown another tantrum

Kitta+1

That's how my grandpa was - always calm and rational.  He had me until I was 9 years old, and I absolutely believe it is possible to raise kids like that ... if you've got the patience for it.  I'm praying I can be half the parent my grandpa was - that man is truly a wonder to behold, he's always fair, non-judgemental, helpful, compassionate, and can still be firm with people when it's necessary.  I wish I'd stayed with him my whole childhood, I feel like I wouldn't have made so many mistakes in my teenage years, and maybe I'd be a little better with money (he's a financial genius, lol.)  Right now he's been trying to teach me as much as possible about finances from monthly budgets to stocks, long term savings, etc.  I'm a work in progress, lol - I feel like I am probably more financially secure than most (statistically, over half working class americans would not be able to come up with $400 on the spot if they had to) but there are things I could be doing better at.

hamiltks10

I'm 100% in agreement with the calm and rational.  I always remind myself (and my husband) that the more upset the kids get, the more calm and relaxed we need to be.  Screaming at a toddler that is already in melt-down mode will do nothing but escalate the situation.  I do what I can to calm them down first....and once they are done crying and can talk to me, we will discuss what happened and punish if necessary.

I also try to use "no" on a limited basis....that way when I do say it, it actually means something.  And little to no baby talk. It kills me when my in-laws will use baby talk with my boys when they can already say the words the correct way.  

And modeling for your children how you want them to act is key.  I've been trying my best to use the terms "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am" when speaking with others, because that is something I want my boys to do as well.  

Kitta+1

My fiancee is big on manners from the military, and I am because I'm southern, lol.  We always please, thank you, your welcome, yes ma'am no sir, and no hats or electronics at the dinner table.  If the world had a little better manners maybe there'd be a little less drama, haha!

bumptara

Kitta+1 said:

My fiancee is big on manners from the military, and I am because I'm southern, lol.  We always please, thank you, your welcome, yes ma'am no sir, and no hats or electronics at the dinner table.  If the world had a little better manners maybe there'd be a little less drama, haha!

Sounds like you're going to have such a sweet and polite LO!!

Kitta+1

Oh yes, thank you!  His oldest daughter lives with us, from his first marriage, and when she lived with her mom she developed rather unsavory behaviors, but since she has lived with us she's been a wonderful kid - we don't even have to discipline her, really.  If she makes a mistake, we just talk to her about it - she understands that every rule has a purpose for her sake and she does follow them.  I'm so proud of her, she's becoming a wonderful, well mannered young lady.  She wants to be a vet (she's 14 right now) and is already looking fro volunteering opportunities to be around animals.

This child, I'm hoping, will go the same way.  Not only will she have our parenting, but also big sister's influences to hopefully guide her in the right direction.  We're all very bull headed and stubborn around here, so it's important to teach good values and give them something to do to keep them out of trouble, lmao.

HaddisMommy

Meagain31 said:

Biting a child is a horrible way to parent. You should not be giving parenting advice.

Thank you for your opinion.  Perhaps I wasn't clear, I didn't draw blood or leave marks or traumatize them, and it was enough that they never did it again.  I've met many parents who engage in this behavior and find it very effective. 

I'm sorry if that's the only part of my post that influenced you, and good luck on your own parenting journey.  I've raised many children and they all have turned out wonderful so far, but everyone parents differently.  Hope your kids don't bite you!    Good luck.

Meagain31

HaddisMommy said:

Meagain31 said:

Biting a child is a horrible way to parent. You should not be giving parenting advice.

Thank you for your opinion.  Perhaps I wasn't clear, I didn't draw blood or leave marks or traumatize them, and it was enough that they never did it again.  I've met many parents who engage in this behavior and find it very effective. 

I'm sorry if that's the only part of my post that influenced you, and good luck on your own parenting journey.  I've raised many children and they all have turned out wonderful so far, but everyone parents differently.  Hope your kids don't bite you!    Good luck.

Just because you have met many parents that engage in this bahavior doesn't make it right. It's lazy and mean parenting. There is not a professional out there that recommends this. I took nothing else from you post because I would never ever take advice from someone who thinks physically hurting someone a sixth their size is anywhere close to even decent parenting.