Do you mean a pregnancy test or ovulation test?
And you do not sound dense!
Download an app for tracking periods/fertility. The 1st day of bleeding = cycle day 1. If you are having 28 day cycles, you are probably ovulating on day 14. Having sex on the day of ovulation is often too late for most of us. It is best to have sex every other day from the end of your period until ovulation day (sex every day decreases sperm counts).
When to test depends on how long your typical cycle is. The egg can only be fertilized for 12-24 hours, sperm can live 3-5 days (which is why sex every other day on the days leading up to ovulation are the best for conceiving). Once the egg is fertilized, it travels down the tube for ~5 days. Then it enters the uterus and attaches to the uterine wall. That is when your body will start making the hcg hormone. Women could get a faint positive pregnancy test ~10 days after ovulation. Test first thing in the morning when the urine is most concentrated. Once pregnant, the hcg level doubles every 2-3 days in early pregnancy.
Wedding Fall 2007
Off OCP's since 9/08-started with BBT charts
Saw Ob/gyn May 2009
Blood work normal except single copy of MTHFR
Clomid 50mg May 2009
Clomid 50mg + IUI June 2009
Femara 5mg + IUI July 2009
Normal HSG July 2009
Femara 5mg + ovidrel+IUI August 2009
Femara 5mg +ovidrel + IUI September 2009
November 2009-normal lap
December 2009-met with RE
December/January-Injectible med cycle with IUI-Abnormal sperm morpology found-only 0-1% normal All Head defects.
Jan/Feb 2010 1st IVF with ICSI-5 week chemical pregnancy
Feb 2010-male infertility doc says DH's anatomy and blood work are normal so nothing he can do.
FET July 2010-BFP! Twin m/c @ 5.5 wks
Dec/Jan 2011 IVF #2 Only 4 eggs retrieved-Ganirelix dose messed up BFFN
Feb/March 2011 IVF #3 ER 3/9 9 eggs, 7 fertilized, ET 3/14, No frosties. BFN
IVF #4 ER 8/22 9R,7F ET 8/25-3 embies, 1 frostie! Beta 9/2= 54, 9/6=274, 9/8=625, 9/12=2953, 9/16 greater than 10,000. B/G TWINS born April 2012 @ 36wks & 1 day!
July 2014-going back for the frozen embryo! ET 7/28, heartbeat seen at 6wks1day with SCH. Miscarriage confirmed at 6wks4days
Don't stress over it or think about it too much.. just get in a lot of practice and don't 'push' out the baby juice as quickly as I assume you normally would if you were just doing it for 'fun' :P I would say always pee after sex since it helps in preventing UTIs ( I am no doctor but I just feel like this is a preventative step besides showering and washing up the lady bits)
really though every time someone has told me they were trying to conceive and were all 'organized' about syncing dates and tracking periods it seemed like it just didn't work and once they were just letting it happen they were preggers in no time.. I think that being too organized about the whole situation adds stress to the body and the subconscious mind making it harder than it really is.. so just have fun and let your little miracle happen when its supposed to happen GL!