When to start trying again

twixiesky

Good morning board,

I just recently lost my son at 18 weeks on January 29th after going in for a regular appointment and being told he had no heartbeat. This was my first pregnancy, normal/no known complications, and our 4th appointment. They induced labor. The first week was quite hard and I cried everday (sometimes I still have these moments). Im coming to terms with his passing though. I'm still healing and have a follow up appointment with my obgyn next week. They are running tests on my son and the placenta. I was so happy for impending motherhood as well as my boyfriend. We've talked and he wants to start trying as soon as I'm ready. I want to try again as soon as I get the doctors clearance.

Wondering if any of you have any advice in conceived ASAP after loss.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks

rslh10

This a trying to conceive board. No one here is pregnant And therefor cannot give you advice....no one Is left here anymore, btw.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

twixiesky

@rslh10‌ thank you. Your response is a bit confusing though for me. While I understand that this is a trying to conceive (after loss) board, it doesn't state that all members of the board have not been pregnant ever again or had children before or after their loss.

Also a bit confused because it seems that others have posted recently in the last few days

Anyways just looking to share experiences and get through this tough time.

nina&bill

I would say its up to you! (and your doctors)  I wasn't as far along as you so no induction but I was still told to wait till I had 2 cycles by my doctor.  (First cycle could take several weeks to get going)  I miscarried in September, 2014 and am only getting ready to start trying again.  Unfortunately, this is such a personal question.  I went to counseling with someone who specializes in miscarriage loss and I highly suggest that or a support group if you need that.  I'm just returning to the boards but it seems lot of changes have taken place and all the people who were here when I was last active are now gone. 

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kimberlygo

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a late miscarriage as well - 15 weeks. Our doctor said to wait a cycle, which would allow for physical healing, mental healing and to get the pathology reports back. I have been told that you could conceive before your first cycle, it just makes dating the pregnancy more difficult, which could be a problem if you want to follow high risk testing to a tee. In short, do what's best for you.

twixiesky

@nina&bill and @kimberlygo‌
Thank you so so much for sharing your experiences and I'm truly sorry for your losses as well. It is really helpful to read others stories so I don't feel so alone I this.

I'm trying to keep positive and just waiting to get docs clearance medically. I saw a counselor but it was only minimally helpful. Today I went out to buy some ovulation test kits so I can be ready once I get docs clearance.

Charmndmom

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It seems that two cycles is the normal amount they ask one to wait, but if you ask your doctor, I'm sure they'll tell you.  My doctor allowed me to "count" the cycle of my mc, so I only had to wait one "normal" cycle.

twixiesky

@Charmndmom‌
Thanks for sharing, I am also sorry for your loss.
I hope my doc gives me advice similar to yours. Trying to keep positive I've already bought some OPTs and HPTs (the cheapies though). Just anxious about the appointment in a couple of days and preparing for the worst.

4N6s

Sorry for your loss.
I miscarried in September, tried right away and am still not pregnant.

Good luck.

lifeislove87

I'm so sorry for your loss, miscarriages really do suck. Physically, the most important aspect of getting pregnant ASAP is to wait on your doctors approval. After that making sure you are hitting your fertile window is the most important factor in becoming pregnant. Keep in mind that after your loss your cycles may be wonky for a bit. It took me about three months for my body to become normal after my miscarriages and I have yet to become pregnant.

Emotionally the journey is a lot tougher than the physical one. You will feel physically normal a lot sooner than emotionally. For me, wanting to be pregnant ASAP was a sign of my grieving process and once I was able to process the loss I now don't feel that physical craving to be pregnant again as strongly. I'm sorry you had a bad counselling experience. As a physiologist I hate hearing when mental health supports fail you. There are mental health professionals available that specialize in loss and grief that may provide a better support for you. I also found family and friends to be a huge support for me in helping me grieve but everyone is different and everyone experiences Loss differently.

Goodluck, and I hope you don't have to stay here long.

scoutmaxwell

lifeislove87 said:

 It took me about three months for my body to become normal after my miscarriages and I have yet to become pregnant. Emotionally the journey is a lot tougher than the physical one. You will feel physically normal a lot sooner than emotionally. For me, wanting to be pregnant ASAP was a sign of my grieving process and once I was able to process the loss I now don't feel that physical craving to be pregnant again as strongly. 

I feel this way exactly. It has been an emotional roller coaster, and that feeling of wanted to be PG again ASAP has come and gone a few times since my MC in October. I have heard that some women get PG again right away, but no one here has, or we wouldn't still be here. :-) 

elmindreda

Loss is very personal and what was right for me may not be right for you, but I would advise against it. I had an induction at 23 weeks and was advised to wait 4-6 cycles before trying again. Even though I thought I would be read by month four or even sooner at the time, I can now see (10 months out) that it would have been a huge mistake to put the pressure of TTC on me and my husband at the same time as sorting out our grief. I was actually in a state of denial for the whole first month and didn't realize it until I figured out some time later that I had PTSD.