Husband constantly putting me down..

maryandjon+1

I don't mean to rant or get a pity party but my husband is constantly putting me down. He's found multiple different ways to call me fat including that "i could be attractive if i wasnt so heavy." Im by no means skinny but im not overweight either. I only gained about 4 pounds so far in my first tri. Any other moms going through the same thing with their hubbies?

MzJackson32

Wow!!! My SO jus tells me he hates me.. So I know what your going thru if not more.

bpv101283

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I can't even imagine. I wouldn't put up with that for 2 seconds. It's abuse. Has he always been like that? Did you plan the baby or was it a surprise? Is he on board or freaked out? I mean I would legit change the locks on the door and see how he likes standing out in the snow. That's bs.

rablissful

I wouldn't put up with that, it's verbal abuse. I'd tell him he can either change his tune or get out. If you have someplace to go, you could leave for a few days as well.

I've seen your previous part that he's not on board and asked for a divorce so he may be pushing you to have an abortion so he doesn't have to deal with child support by playing on your insecurities. This is in no way right. Get out of the situation immediately if he's not willing to get with the picture and be supportive. He is NOT worth it!

ReeIsPg

bpv101283 said:

I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I can't even imagine. I wouldn't put up with that for 2 seconds. It's abuse. Has he always been like that? Did you plan the baby or was it a surprise? Is he on board or freaked out? I mean I would legit change the locks on the door and see how he likes standing out in the snow. That's bs.

I agree with this 100%!
Your post made me so sad to read--no one should be ridiculed like that for any reason--pregnant or not.

irenejean

That's awful! I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I once dated a man who would say things like that to me, it took me a long time to see I was never going to be good enough for him. It sounds like you're in a bad situation, and I agree with PPs, it's abuse. You don't deserve that, no one does. 

sokomo

I agree with what the other ladies have said! Do you have a support system outside of your husband? This sounds like abuse, pure and simple and you absolutely do not deserve any of it, nor should you have to put up with it. Is there anyone (friends, family) who you can turn to? Seems like the less you rely on him the better...

JenLovesDesign

First of all. I'm sorry you're going through this. Secondly, if you're not going to leave him, then you need to start sticking up for yourself. If he says one little thing, you come back with a confident remark. You teach people how to treat you. Think about come-backs before he says them. If he says you're fat, tell hi. You look better than him any day of the week, or simply tell him he's wrong, and say you are out of his league. If he says he hates you, then tell him he needs to figure out how to like you because you're married. Do not take it, because it gives him permission for the next time.

tigerfish227

I'm not going thru it now but my ex husband said things like that to me all the time. I have never been a large girl. At my heaviest I weighed 160#. He would call me names and make me feel awful about myself. Unfortunately for me, talking to him and telling him how it made me feel made no difference. However I would strongly encourage talking to your husband and if he really loves you then he will listen and make an effort to stop. Just know that if it doesn't get better that you can live without him. After my divorce I felt lost for a while but I am better for getting out. I learned that I deserved better than to be treated that way. You deserve better too.

barrelocarol

Love what @JenLovesDesign‌ wrote!!

You are worth so much more than this! His words do not reflect any part of you, but are a severe disconnect in his own mind. This is unacceptable, regardless of whether this is a temper driven statement or not. Completely unacceptable.

If he is reasonable, you could sit down with him and tell him you will not tolerate that kind of demeaning talk. You could tell him that when he does this, you will need to remove yourself from his presence until he can regain composure and speak to you like a respectful adult.

You could also ask him what wounded him so deeply in his life, that he must shine a spotlight on you? This would obviously take some finesse and isn't a conversation to jump into. His wounds are not yours to be hurt by. Because you are married, those wounds are yours to love. Understanding where he received this kind of "training" will help you and strengthen you.

Your first priority is your safety, physical and emotional. You are not there to take on his wounds. You must protect your emotional health and create for you and your baby the positive environment your husband is not providing.

Do you have a pastor or counselor? Friends and family, loving as they are, aren't a sufficient (or even helpful, sometimes) resource here.

You're not alone. You have TB friends who are thinking about you. Private message me, if you want.

You are already a mom. You've started caring for a child. You are a strong woman. You can care for yourself and make a baby in your body! Your body is awesome!! Overweight, extra weight, perfect weight. Your body is amazing!! Look at what it can do! It can make a human!!

bonniecouture

barrelocarol said:

You are already a mom. You've started caring for a child. You are a strong woman. You can care for yourself and make a baby in your body! Your body is awesome!! Overweight, extra weight, perfect weight. Your body is amazing!! Look at what it can do! It can make a human!!

YEP! Pregnancy is beautiful. I literally can't wait to have a giant pregnant belly, it's one of the things I'm looking forward to the most! If he's not supportive of you, weight and all, he doesn't deserve to be graced by your beauty or presence. No one should be taking away your happiness in this time.

mrscate88

maryandjon+1 said:

I don't mean to rant or get a pity party but my husband is constantly putting me down. He's found multiple different ways to call me fat including that "i could be attractive if i wasnt so heavy." Im by no means skinny but im not overweight either. I only gained about 4 pounds so far in my first tri. Any other moms going through the same thing with their hubbies?

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. If it was me, I would let him know very firmly that I am not okay with him saying things like that. I would say, "I don't know why you think it's okay to put me down about my weight, but I'm not going to give you a second of my time if you're going to disrespect me like that. I wouldn't do it to you, so don't do it to me."
Be firm but respectful. Even if you were huge, your husband should be your biggest support, he doesn't need to be insulting any part of your body. Best wishes to you!

Ali+Cee

That is terrible! Nobody deserves that kind of abuse, especially the woman carrying his child. He needs a swift kick in the rear! I am so sorry that you're going through that. Emotional and verbal abuse is just as bad as physical and I hope that you don't let his words make you feel guilty for growing a beautiful, healthy little person inside of you. Hugs to you! ♡

Edit: For my illiteracy!

stacey609

he is supposed to be the shoulder to cry on, your rock when you start to doubt yourself.  he is supposed to be the one that is so thankful that he has someone as special and amazing as you!!!  I don't know, but i'm wondering how you could go about reminding him about that.  you don't drill holes in his existence,  and he should feel complete shame in his actions towards you!! 

 Whatever you choose to do as your action to help stop this, please remember that you are an amazing and wonderful woman. and I may be paraphrasing here a bit but: no one can make you feel inferior unless you first give them permission to do so.  time to let him know that he does not have that privilege. 

let us know how you make out.

Pepper+1

I agree with everyone else... I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are dealing with that, that's horrible...

crivera919

Grrr this thread makes me mad. I was abused my whole life until I met my husband. I'd walk away. I've started over a few times with absolutely nothing. Once an abusive ex tried to kill me on the way home from a concert until I managed to lock him out of the truck. I drove home and when he showed up he acted like nothing happened. Sooo crazy, but he was also lactose intolerant so I'd get even by slipping dairy into his food until I finally managed to get away. Thank God those days are over for me and I hope yours get better too.

snikai

Man! I'm so sorry to hear that! Every time I tell my man I'm feeling fat he just says, "babe, you're pregnant not fat, its OK." I am very grateful that the jerk men I've dated in the past that would have put me down are in the past!

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Cupcakequeen1000

That makes me so mad, I am so sorry you have to deal with that. If it was me I would leave for a week if you could.. don't call or contact him.. if he calls that's okay. I am not talking about games but it will MAKE him think about it and give him time alone to think. Guys like this in my experience need a reality check. If that doesn't work and he has asked you for a divorce before to  I would ask to have a serious conversation with him about the relationship. No one deserves to put up with abuse. I am the first to say I hate a divorce and to try to make it work if the two of you can ... but it takes two people to make it work and it will never work with just one person trying. So sorry I have been through an abusive relationship before and I ended up leaving him. Feel free to private message me if you need someone to talk to.

indogbeersiveonlyhadone

I am so sorry to hear that you are goign through something like this from someone who should be supporting and backing you 100%. I wouldnt stand for my DH treating me like that. You are PREGNANT not fat! And for anyone to call anyone fat is horrible and disgusting. Also, I hope he is like Mr America, super fit and all.. Because, that mna better make sure his ish is together before he goes and starts putting down the people around him who love him. I always say fight fire with fire, however in this instance it isnt going to fix anything. I really hope the both of you can figure out a way to fix his negativity towards you.

You are pregnant and the "weight" you have put on is beautiful weight. I know its easier said then done, but don't let his negativity get to you.

myndihallberg

Stop doing things you normally do. Like the laundry the dishes and whatever else you do. He will see how much he needs you and how much work you do for your family. And until things change LIKE HIS ATTITUDE continue to house strike!