Pregnant after a Loss
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Hi ladies I thought I would stop in and share my story and anxiety. Last November I found out I was pregnant after TTC for 7 months. At the 9 week dating US we found out that DH and I were blessed with twins. I was so excited I cried... We told DD (6) and DS (4) who were both over the moon as well. At 14 weeks I went in for a belly check only to find out that they could not find a heart beat. The ultrasound confirmed my babies passed measuring 15 weeks. I had a very hard time with the loss and only recently did DH and I decide to TTC. I figured it would take a while anyway. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and scared. With all of my previous pregnancy's I was excited to see my baby at the first US this was a week ago. This time all I felt was fear and detachment and admittedly a little disappointment that I was not having twins. I had a belly check today and was terrified until she found the heartbeat and yet even hearing the heart beat briefly was not reassuring or exciting as it once was. Since then my emotions have been all over the place I almost feel like I am mourning the fact that I will not be having twins and I can't seem to have the excitement that I thought I would (and should) have over being pregnant again. This is not helping matters as I also feel like a terrible person. I love this baby, I do I just can't seem to shake the negativity and fear to be excited. I have told my immediate family (not my children yet) and will tell DH's soon. Everyone else will have to wait until I'm 20weeks if i can hide it that long. I keep telling myself that I will feel better after XYZ and the excitement will come back but so far all I feel is terror and depression.