How did you keep your pregnancy/TTC journey from family?

Danni_Girl

This time around Jo and I are planning to not tell our parents about anything.
We don't want them to know when we try our IUI's, because if they know, they will be asking if we are pregnant, they are all assuming I will get pregnant super fast like last time. And if I do happen to be Miss Fertal Merdal again, we don't want to lie to them and say it didn't take, but we want this time to be a surprise.

It's helpful that we live several time zones away from both sets of parents, so they are not here to really know when we go, so we can just keep things hush hush... But it's going to be hard! We tell our parents everything.

They already know we are hoping to start trying in April, so they will be asking questions. We were thinking about going the route of saying I'm not ovulating properly, so things are not lining up... I think that would work, then maybe they won't ask as much and all that.

We will be going to a surprise birthday party for Jo's Dad and Brother in August, so we are hoping we could surprise them with the news then, as long as we are pregnant that is....

Did anyone here do the same so that it was a surprise and how did you handle it?

ATXmommas

We always left things a bit vague with our families - and with our friends for the most part.  After our loss, we didn't really tell anybody when we started TTC again, except my mom - but only because she was planning a trip right around the time I would have been due had I conceived during the first round of TTC again and I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't be out of pocket if we did happen to have success that month.  When that one didn't work, I didn't mention anything again until after I was pregnant again.  My family was pretty respectful in that they didn't ask questions like that.  I don't know - even with our first round of TTC, I didn't like the thought of sharing all the details with folks (in real life, that is).  I mean, straight folks who attempt pregnancy through sex don't share the exact details and timing (for the most part), and I wanted the same degree of privacy.

So, I just wouldn't mention anything and if they ask, just let them know that you aren't sure of the timeline, that you are still consulting with your doctors - or just be honest and let them know that you would like to keep those details private for now.

mrs&mrsk

Wrong page sorry

Karlamo

We didn't tell anyone when we were doing our IUI's. Once we moved onto IVF I pretty much told the whole world. I was so sure it was going to work. Well, it didn't. I was heartbroken to have to tell each person that asked that it failed. After that experience we ask everyone to respect our privacy and not ask us anything about TTC until we were ready to share. They were very respectful of our request. I'm glad we did that because it took another 6 months to get pregnant.
Now with baby #2, we told no one our plans. So when I announced last week to family that I was pregnant they were shocked.
I would be honest instead of lie. I bet they will be very respectful especially after what you've been through.

Danni_Girl

Thank you for sharing all.

I guess it's just as easy as not saying anything and asking for privacy..
When we first got pregnant the baby was like our families 'saving grace'...
We have had a lot of lose in the last year, and when we found out we were pregnant, Jo was at her grandmothers funeral. So telling her family was almost like a ray of sunshine.

But this time things are very, very different. So I know flat out asking for privacy and we will tell the world when we are ready will be respected.

@winstan1‌ the way to talked about it being just you and your little man, and all your one on one time together before telling everyone sounds amazing.
that's what we are going to do. It will just be the three of us when it all happens, and we are going to enjoy it. Try to not stress about the 'what ifs' and all that, which I know will try to creep into our lives.

ALittleFishy

Hi - I'm new here and have been struggling with the same question. Our families know that it's something we're doing more than thinking about right now, and we've told everyone that no news is bad news. As soon as we have something to share, they'll know. It is hard with my mom close by and having to move social plans for doctor's appointments, but I just tell everyone I have an appointment I can't move, they know what it likely means, and still... no news is bad news. I prefered that approach than lying, even if it was for a good reason.

2brides

We didn't tell either of our families during the entire 19m we tried. And then didn't tell them until we were 13w, It was easy as we live hundreds of miles from our parents - and I am not even sure they knew we planning on having kids.

KH826

We had a hard time keeping things to ourselves the first time around. I think we were just so excited to try, then so frustrated to not get pregnant, then so excited to move to IVF, then so overwhelmed by IVF... we just blabbed to the people who were close to us. Our parents and siblings knew about IVF, but also didn't ask for any updates until we told them we were pregnant. We told our parents and my BIL and SIL after our first ultrasound, and we told my sisters at about 8wks. We didn't announce "to the world" until 13wks, but plenty of people knew between 8-13wks, because we were too excited to stay quiet.

This time we want to do things differently. We don't want anyone to know we are actively trying to get pregnant again, and we hope to hold out a little longer telling people we are pregnant (assuming we are lucky enough to get pregnant again). We are trying to figure out how to get my MIL to watch Will for an FET without her knowing that is what we are doing. We would really like pregnancy #2 to be a big surprise to everyone when we are ready.

I think we will go the route of telling people we don't really want to talk about our plans "until we have something to announce" should anyone inquire between now and then. I find that *most* people won't actually ask outright, so it is easy to be coy or dance around the topic and be vague in most situations, if you are not too tempted to spill the beans yourself.

mrs&mrsk

We just went to appts and didn't sAy anything , since it was only one round it wasn't so bad. Then we couldn't hold it in and told family at 4-6 weeks. Facebook at 12 weeks.
I think we would have told our families either way (had it worked or not) because it's emotionally a lot to handle and Dw would have wanted the support.

AandStilltrying

When April rolls around and your family starts asking questions, I would just say, oh well we aren't sure what's going on there and not really in a place to talk about it.

Danni_Girl

Thank you everyone.

Jo and I talked and we are just going to flat out tell our families we will not be telling them when we TTC again.

We really want to enjoy this journey as much as we can on our own and not have everyone asking questions and all that.