I was with some of my parent friends and they were talking about "that bond" they have with their child... the one where they can tell when the baby is crying for attention, when they need something, how they can tell what their baby needs when they cry... on and on. They were talking about how they believe it is a genetic bond... I don't think they were intentionally trying to say something hurtful, but as a soon to be adoptive father it got me wondering... Will I have that bond with my baby? Can I develop it or is it genetic? Was hoping to hear from some adoptive parents on your feelings.
Re: "That Bond"
I 100% believe you you will develop that bond with your baby. It's developed by love and time, not genetics.
~ Hoping to add to our family by adoption via Connecticut DCF. Application submitted on 2/4/14. First home visit on 6/23/14. Started class 11/17/14.~
And I'm one of those moms who felt like my daughters were cute strangers when they were born because they essentially are strangers. It takes time to get to know your kids, whether they are biological or not. It's the same process, in my opinion. It's not instantaneous and it takes some time, but boy is it powerful!
~ Hoping to add to our family by adoption via Connecticut DCF. Application submitted on 2/4/14. First home visit on 6/23/14. Started class 11/17/14.~
I think bonding with babies is just like bonding with adults...some people you are just more simpatico with. That said, I think a lot of what your parents friends refer to as bonding is a learned response. I've heard my little E giggle, cry and grunt for seven months now...a lot. You start to hear different patterns or subconciously you know it's been awhile since a bottle or a nap. Believe me, there are certainly times I have NO IDEA why she's in a mood that she's in, but I'm better at it than I was. We are fostering E and she's the first child we've had in our house. I adore her. I'm pregnant and due in three weeks. I have questions on how I'm going to "bond" with this baby and he's biologically ours. As Pinkie said, longer bonding could be impacted by the babies temprament and how little sleep you are getting, what other stresses are going on in your life. I'm sorry your parents friends are so clueless and you had to be part of that conversation. You will be great!
He never heard my voice when he was in the womb, but he knows it now. He stops crying when we walk into the room, and it's not because we share DNA. It's because we are the ones who feed him, clean him, bathe him, hold him, rock him and most importantly LOVE him.
I dont have any doubt that you can bond with your future child.
"Even miracles take a little time"
A different one I bonded with instantly.
TTC #1: February 1, 2014
BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d
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Formally LisaG09
"Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."