Trying to Get Pregnant
sdldy83
member
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It isn't always best to wait a year
sdldy83
member
I write this with hesitation of being attacked and feeling very sensitive, so please be kind. I write this to be helpful to others based on my experience.
I've seen a lot of people be attacked for being down or concerned when they've been trying for 6 months. They are often given an eye roll and told it is nothing and sometimes scolded. They are nearly always told that it takes most couples a year.
I didn't feel like that was true. At least not in every case. Our anecdotal evidence of our friends who were trying told us differently. We were the only ones without success. One of my friends was 40 and got pregnant on the 1st month of trying (first one in 15 years) and just got pregnant again at 42, another is 36 and just had her baby (first one in 12 years). None of our friends (we have knowledge of) took more than 3 months unless there was a problem. I went to the doctor and asked, giving her the option to tell me I needed to chill out and I was neurotic.
She told me that if you are having regular periods and regular sex at all times of your cycle (not just when you think you are ovulating) it is "not that hard". She told me that the average couple takes a year simply by stopping birth control, but if you are keeping track of your cycles, and doing all the other things we were, (mucinex, laying down 20 minutes after with pillow under, sex usually 4-5 times a week) it should be less. She took blood. Found that my estrodial level CD-3 was only 19, which is normal but extreme low normal (18.9-257.0 is the range used). She decided to do other blood tests and the results found that I was in fact ovulating and had good egg supply. So we tested my husband.
It turns out he has bad morphology and low motility though a high count. She told me I was right to have a hunch that something was up. He is the picture of health. He has had 2 colds in the 4 years we've been together. He is an athlete. He is under 30. He rarely drinks (less than 12 drinks a year) and never smokes. You never know. We are now being referred to a urologist. My doctor suggested we see a fertility specialist. More tests will follow, for both of us, and my doctor spoke of IVF.
Of course no urologist can see him for at least 6 weeks, so in the meantime we can just wait and worry. DH feels broken. Less of a man. It hurts to see. I heard him tell our dog that he is our baby cause he can't make babies. It killed me to hear. He wants to be a father even more than I want to be a mother. He would be a great dad.
As my doctor said, it isn't impossible for us to conceive naturally still, it only takes one overachieving swimmer, but it does make it unlikely. All this in the middle of my ovulation. Sets the mood, right? DH said he doesn't even want to know when I am ovulating anymore, cause he doesn't want to think about how he is just going to fail. If we are in the mood, we are in the mood, if not, oh well.
It is disappointing that the part that we believed would be fun and free is turning into a stressful and expensive process.
What I am trying to say is, trust your gut. Don't let people tell you not to be concerned. Don't discount your intuition. You will need it when you do become a mom. It may take you a year with nothing wrong, but I am glad I went to the doctor and trusted my gut. I am glad I had a doctor who didn't dismiss me and said there was no harm in some basic tests. I am glad I didn't go through 5 more months of disappointment to then start figuring things out and have the regret of lost time. I am glad I didn't let the implied eye rolls discourage me.
When it is my turn to be a mom, I know I will be a good one who be able to trust my instincts and not care what anyone thinks. I know because I am already doing it for a child I have yet to blessed with.
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Re: It isn't always best to wait a year
For others who may choose to follow your advice and go to the doctor so soon, it would result in high doctor bills for no reason at all.
I'm not sure what "it's not that hard" means.. But it's fucking offensive as hell. We just hit our one year mark, and all the tests we've been through show absolutely no problems at all. We have not seen an RE yet, but H had an SA and I've been through a plethora of tests with my OB. I temp, use OPK's and all that good stuff. But guess what, it is that hard for us.
Know why? Because even if all of the stars align, you still only have a 20% chance of getting KU.
The reason we tell people it can take a healthy couple a year is because science says so. You see, here, we prefer science and educated advice over "cuz my doc totes says so and it worked for me". So take that shit elsewhere.
Edited for spelling
OP: yeah ok, good for you. Want a cookie or something?
QFMFT.
This is one of my favorite gifs in response to the shitty advice.
So. "OP, I respectfully disagree with you."
Lol. That's not true. You are just wrong.
I'll share my experience - I have been in contact with multiple OB/GYNs. They have all agreed thay while the AVERAGE couple can take up to a year, IF there is reason to suspect issues, along with other considerations (primarily age, but others as well), not ALL couples should wait out the year. Depending on what charting, med history, etc. show, they MAY recommend coming in sooner.
To be clear, for everyone else, i am NOT saying anyone should just prance into the office after a couple months, but there are exceptions to rule when medically advised. That's why they are MDs and we aren't
Kiddo #1 = 10 cycles of trying, 1 CP and is now a toddler