Is anyone here feeling sheepish?

bashfulbird

I'm over 40 and I only discussed the idea of trying for another child with one other female. The reaction was less then stellar so I avoided discussion with anyone else. I guess I feel like I don't want to tell anyone except immediate family because I don't want to here from people who feel the need to burst my bubble, at least not about this.  Have any of you had struggles with when to announce, and to who? Did you have any people react poorly due to your "advanced maternal age"?

cneiding

yeah. I am not even excited to announce my pregnancies anymore.  I actually sort of dread it.  More so than my age, however, is people's reaction because I have a lot already.  And even when people act nice about it to my face....often they are whispering about it behind my back..."can you believe they are having another" etc.  "don't you know what causes that" "have you ever heard of a vasectomy" etc.  As soon as we went public with this one my husband started getting texts from people that heard through the rumor mill about it.  I actually had only told like 4 people about it and other people were hearing from people I don't really even know that are sort of friends of other friends friends and texting my husband with snarky comments. 

Its super annoying.  Its not like I EVER ask for help for anyone wtih my children.  I do it all on my own no problem.  My children are very well behaved and I constantly get comments from strangers at stores, on airplanes etc how amazed they are at how well we manage and how good the kids are.  We can more than afford our children without any sort of assistance and provide a more than comfortable life for them with extras like 2 weeks in Disney every year.  We have plenty of room in a very large house. And most important...its what i WANT!!! 

niknak1208

Boo. That's just not nice.  I have not had anyone comment to me about age.  I am 37 and due June 3rd.  This is our third child, however, and was an oops. We've planned our previous pregnancies. This is number 6 for me and I have 2 kids at home.  I typically have to be on fertility meds to even get pregnant so this was a major shock to us. I have encountered some negativity because of that. 

I'm a very open person so I called my mom and my BFF immediately. Of course DH as well.  My BFF was nothing but excited.. surprised but excited.  My mom was surprised but excited.  My mom then told my grandmother and my grandmothers response was 'Oh noooo'.  And has not spoken to me since.  I told my step mom and she was over the moon excited.  When my dad found out.. he was like well I don't know why you did that. He said the same thing when I was pregnant for my daughter.  I don't know why but he's always overly concerned about our finances etc etc.  It really bothers me because it's not like I'm asking him for handouts. I've never borrowed money from my parents. We both work. We take care of our family. it really bothered me. 

At my DD's 2nd birthday party.. I had told basically everyone at that point.. they were all close family and friends.. and I swear I felt like the elephant in the room! It was horrible. No one wanted to say it out loud.. everyone was all weird with me.  

Irritating for sure.  It's a baby and as long as we're responsible adults.. why does age or accidental pregnancy matter?  I could understand being upset if I was unwed and 16.. but that's not the case! 

Tsuga76

I was 37 when I announced around 13-14 weeks, and am 38 now.  This is my first.  I questioned whether I would get weird responses, but that hasn't been the case at all.  Everyone has been totally supportive and kind, and I don't recall any remarks about my age.  I'm sorry you had a bad response, but hopefully that will have been a one-time occurrence.  Initially when I married my husband, who is 6 years younger than me, I was afraid I would get sideways views, but I've pretty much taken the tact with this pregnancy that I ultimately did with that...if anyone has an issue, f@#k 'em.  Really, if someone is that close-minded and judgmental, then what do I care what they think anyway.  There's one advantage to AMA - at a certain point it gets easier to just not give a damn what people think anymore. Probably something that will come in handy once baby arrives as well

maggs2015

I am so sorry you had a weird response.  I'm 36 but will be 37 at delivery.  At my first appointmentt I was a little worried about having to go through extra hoops (testing wise) my doctor reassured me that everything was fine and that I since I was fit and healthy it wouldn't be any different from my previous pregnancy.  Obviously she can't predict for everything but her lack of concern definitely put me at ease.

I'm wondering if the other women has some personal hang up's, insecurities, etc.  Why would anyone be less than supportive?  We're over 35, not some weird scaly, monster.

jerseygirl227

I'm sorry you had a negative experience.    That makes it tough.

I have only had one negative reaction, and it was the first person I told after my fiance.  It was my sister, who lives with us.  She cried, and not tears of joy.  She did not seem pleased at all.  I don't know if it was because she was worried about me or worried about how our relationship would change (neither of us have kids) or what, but it was not a pleasant experience for me, either.  I'm still kinda pissed that she acted the way she did.

Everyone else has been extremely positive.  In fact, I bring up my age more than anyone else does, lol.  

Hope you can find some positive responses soon!!!

bashfulbird

Thanks for all of the feedback. I am thinking I will keep this our happy little secret for as long as possible. @niknak1208 I am sorry to hear that your family reacted this way to what should be a joyous occasion. @cneiding you know, our society is so backwards about so many things and this in particular. You have a lot of experience raising kids so people thing you should stop, its so ridiculous. It makes more sense for a family you wants kids and is good at raising them to have a bunch than to for people to have kids that don't bother to pay attention to them. That's what I cant stand, people who cant be bothered to pay attention to their own kids. Here is a screen now leave me alone. Yes, F@#$ them! @jerseygirl277 try to forgive sis for her faux pas, hopefully she will come around and stop acting like a big baby.

lisahe1

I'm sorry people gave you negative reactions. I'll be 39 when my little bean arrives and if anything, people have been responding to my own concerns about my age, telling me I have nothing to worry about. My sister and I were laughing the other day because our friend (she'll be 37 when her baby comes) was told by her doctor that her pregnancy is a geriatric pregnancy. Yikes! I hope my doctor doesn't say that! LOL!

topaz7777

I just smile and say "I'm SOOO EXCITED!!!!" and people kind of catch on.