Rainbow baby otw, still very depressed. — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

Rainbow baby otw, still very depressed.

This is my first post, so I'm a little nervous about posting because some people on here are a little harsh. Unfortunately I really don't have anyone to turn to, sadly, I don't have any friends, I'm some what of the "black sheep" of my family, out of a Pretty large family, the only one I have a relationship with is my mom, and as much as I talk to her, the only thing she really ever says is try not to think about it. The baby's father is useless, I just woke him up crying in pain, and he got mad that I woke him up because there's nothing he can do about it. I real feel like o have no where else to kinda talk about this besides here sadly. In 2013 I misscarried my first pregnancy, I'm now again expecting and due July 28, as of now I'm 13 weeks 5 days... I had an ultrasound a few days ago, but it wasn't anything like the videos I've been watching on YouTube, your not aloud to ask the ultrasound tech any questions, they just silently do the ultrasound and pass the results back to the doctor, I live in Newfoundland Canada, and the system here is terrible, anyway, the heart was beating and I got to see my little one move, but I have so much anxiety all the time, I'm so afraid I'm going to lose this baby, every cramp sends me into a panic. My doc is well aware of my situation, my depression and anxiety and I'm taking anti anxiety medication, but it's not really helping, I'm lying in bed now, with cramps in my belly and I'm so afraid something bad is happening, how do I get this fear and anxiety to go away ... Does it ever ? Are there any other moms out there doing this alone and having a hard time with it ? The baby's father and I are together and live together, but he works 12 hour days 6 days a week so he's really not around to comfort me & I don't have any friends to talk to... I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there who lost their first pregnancy , & are now pregnant again , and have an anxiety disorder and depression ? I know being stressed and anxious is bad for the baby witch in turn makes me even more anxious, it's like I either pretend I'm not pregnant and not think about it, or I think every little thing I feel is the beginning of another mc. How do you make the worries go away? How is anyone else dealing with a pregnancy after a mc. Do you not think about the first, ? Should I forget about the first, I mc at 12.5 weeks , but found out the baby only got to 8.2 weeks. I'm way past that point and have seen my baby now, but I can't shake the fear. Every time I go pee I inspect the tp for blood, does anyone else do this ? Or just me ? I feel so lost , anything anyone thinks would help I would be so glad to hear. I'm sorry this was so long. It was my first post, & I'm rambling , I really need someone to talk to. Please help July mommies , I need someone's helP

Re: Rainbow baby otw, still very depressed.

  • I've had 4 losses and my DS and am pg again. My first loss/pg sounds very similar to you. It was a missed mc discovered around 12w, LO had stopped growing around 8w.

    To answer your question from my experience. I've never gotten past it. I'm afraid of losing my baby at every turn. However, I recognize that there is nothing that I can do, so I do my best to stay calm (not always easy or possible). Luckily I do have a great support group. Have you opened up to friends/family about your loss? You might be surprised at the support you find.

    If you feel like it's impacting your day to day life, I'd have another discussion with your dr.

    GL!

    BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010

    BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011

    BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013

    BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy.  Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)    

                                  <3 We love and miss you Timothy <3

    BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014

  • If your anxiety is really interfering with your ability to function and take enjoyment from life, there's a good chance you're experiencing antenatal depression. Please talk to your doctor. Some worry and sadness is normal for those with a history of loss, but what you describe sounds more serious.

    Sending ((hugs)). Making it this far along with good scan results is very promising!
    **********************siggy/ticker warning**********************

    ***Losses mentioned.*** TTC #1 since May 2012. Me: 37, OH: 41. Ectopic August 2012 => tubal damage. :'(  Stage 1 endo removed June 2013. IVF #1 Oct/Nov 2013: Long Lupron with Gonal-F. 7R, 7M, 7F. 2 [email protected] Nothing frozen.  => M/C @ 8 wks. :'( Selected RPL panel all normal. Very hyper and brittle response to stims. IVF #2 (antagonist protocol) Feb 2014 => Converted to IUI (Perfect conditions). BFN. IVF #2.1 w/ new RE June 2014: Antagonist protocol. 33R, 31M, 30F, 19 blasts to test!!! I made it through without crashing!! :) Hats off to Dr. Fancypants!! ET of one 5AB blast. BFN. 13 10 CCS'ed snowflakes! FET #1 PUPO as of 7/29 Betas: 8/[email protected], 8/[email protected], 8/[email protected] (etc.) Two sacs on 8/15, one seen on 8/18 after a bleed. U/s 8/25 (6+3) "perfect": 5.9 mm + [email protected]! U/s 9/4 (7+6): 15.9 mm + [email protected] bpm! Please, PLEASE stick this time!!!!
    http://i955.photobucket.com/albums/ae39/catfreeburg/866da40f5178fed79efe23fc8a4e8a_zps4498a9cc.jpgimageimageimageimage
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  • I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I strongly recommend finding a counsellor or someone you can talk to in person. I think it will help a lot. The fear after a loss is totally normal, but I think someone you can talk to face to face will help you sort out your feelings.
    Trigger Warning (LC and loss) -- 
    Married May 2008 
    Beautiful daughter Alyssa born April 23, 2011 
    Precious son Isaac born at 34 weeks in April 27, 2014 with Potters Syndrome Type 4 and Down Syndrome - trusted into the arms of Jesus after 3 hours.
    Pregnant again! Due August 8, 2015 please be healthy, little one!

      (results on 2/4/15 showed no Down's and it's a girl!) Lilypie Maternity tickers
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