advice please — The Bump

advice please

Hi, this is my first post on this board but have been a member of the bump for years. My cousin just gave birth at 31 weeks (ish--don't know the exact week/day). I congratulated her and told her that the family and little guy are in our thoughts and prayers, but not sure what else I can say or do. Baby is in NICU, and we live about 2 hours away.

Any suggestions on what I can say or do for her? She has family locally so I know they have support, but would help to know what you would have wanted someone to say or do for you.


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Re: advice please

  • Gas cards/food gift cards or delivery sent to the house. Parking paid for at hospital.

    10 medicated IUI's (3 with injectables). 
    IUI #1 (medicated) Jan. 2013-BFP!!!!- Beta's didn't double, MTX shot for possible ectopic.
    8 IUI's between April 13-April 14 = BFN 
    IUI #10 and final before IVF, injectables May 2014- BFP!!!!  TWINS!!!!

    7 week ultrasound showed 2 wonderful heartbeats!
    8 weeks to the ER with vaginal bleeding while on vacations!  Diagnosed SubChorionic Hemorrhage.  Babies are both great.
    9 week ultrasound showed both babies are still great.
  • Care package with gas cards and restaurant cards. Check to see if they have to pay for parking as I know you have to at some hospitals. Also a preemie onesie with buttons (when the baby is allowed to wear clothing the nurses may request buttons so that they are able to put leads on the baby. And hypoallergenic lotion is nice because you are constantly washig your hands!
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  • ^ these are all great.
    Does she have an isolette cover? We were given one that was made by an awesome ladies' auxillary but I've read where that's not the case everywhere. It helps block out the room light, as well as personalize the baby's pod.. Mine was made of the no-sew fleece, it was blue with dump trucks and various construction tools on it .  There are tons of different patterns.

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  • Care package. A meal delivered to them. Gas cards. Some preemie clothes. And just offer support.

    We thankfully lived close to the hospital where my son was. But was always there, kangarooing and being with him. I would have to force myself to eat.
  • Talk to her. The nicu can be an isolating place. You are in this bubble away from everyone spending your time next to your baby. It gets lonely. Text or call every now and then and see how she is. And be excited. It's scary but one thing that bothered me was that people didn't celebrate him like a "normal" child. I felt ripped off in so many ways.

    Our little hippo was as impatient as mom!

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    Hoping for a full 40 weeks!! 

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  • Definitely has cards. I wish our family would send us them.
  • Offer to set up a MealBaby for her -- so local F&F can bring her meals (she can leave a cooler on her front doorstep so people can drop them off if it's warmer outside). Gift cards for local restaurants/fast food are a BIG DEAL.

    Agree with reaching out to her -- but also realize that she may use this time to disconnect as a way to cope. My girls were born at 29w, and I had a close friend get really frustrated with me because I wasn't returning E-mails. I spent 100% of my waking hours in the hospital, where I wasn't allowed to use my phone unless I left the NICU. I was pumping 8+ hours a day because my supply SUCKED. It was brutal. I completely cut myself off from the outside world -- that's how I managed through it. It's not an affront to anyone else, but just do NOT be offended if she seems distant.
    TTC Since 11/10 due to Unexplained IF 
    4 Rounds of Clomid, 2 Rounds of Femara + IUI, 2 rounds of IUI+ Injectables (Bravelle + Menopur) = First BFP! TWIN GIRLS!

    November 2, 2012 - Claire (2lbs 8.9oz) and Paige (2lbs 10oz) arrive at 29w3d due to PTL and pPROM at 28w5d 
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  • Thanks Ladies!

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