postpartum depression struggle...plz help

holmes808

I have a few different questions... first how can I tell if my son has reflux? Second, what do I do if he does have it? he's 6weeks old today & I've been feeding him 4oz @each feeding (every 3 or so hours) cause that's what he's been taking since he's been 2weeks old. But lately he hasn't been taking the entire bottle, then he's spitting up when he does take the whole thing. (he doesn't spit up every feeding, only a couple times/day & it's usually before or after he burps, not when he burps) So I've dropped down to 3oz just today, haven't started yet. I'm hoping that's the problem& it's not reflux.

Lastly & mainly, I recently ended up getting postpartum depression. I was fine his first month of life, but once he reached a month, it just came outta no where & hit pretty hard. I'm seriously struggling & feel so alone. I've talked to my doctor, they've upped my depression medication (I've struggled w/ depression my whole life so I'm already on medicine) but they just did that like 4 days ago, so of course It hasn't gotten better & wont for about another month. I feel like I'm alone, not that no one else hasn't felt this cause I know moms feel this way all over the world, but I'm physically alone in the struggle cause my man has no idea how I feel & thinks the thoughts I have are ridiculous & I feel ridiculous saying my feelings out loud so I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom or grandmother. I've reached out to my one friend that's a mother of 4, she said what anyone would say & it helped until we stopped talking & I got back into my thought process.

 I look around & realize I've been stuck in my house for over a month, taking care of a baby all day. Even after my man gets home, I still have to help him with our son. but when my man feeds him, lays him down to sleep or sits with him or does ANYTHING with him for that matter, our son doesn't act up, doesn't fuss, doesn't give him a hard time at all. I feel like my son doesn't like me & doesn't want to be around me. he use to cuddle with me but wont anymore unless it's time to sleep. I feel like I'm not good enough to be his mother because of what I just mentioned PLUS the fact that I was unable to breastfeed. I know it sounds dumb, but I'm sure every mother wants the BEST for their child.. and I know breast milk is THE BEST I could give him. But my body just didn't really produce it. I mean, I still pump & give him what I can get, but it's literally just a few drops. I had an infected C-section incision so my body wasn't hydrated. (That also helped me gain the depression cause I'm seriously upset with the way my body looks now) My body just couldn't produce enough & I feel like I'm not good enough for my son. He deserves better & I couldn't give it to him. I just don't know how to handle all these feelings: I hate my body now, I feel like an inadequate mother, I feel like my son hates me & that I'm just so alone; physically (with no friends or a life outside of this house) & mentally. How can I handle these feelings without making myself feel worse & if you've experienced anything like this plz tell me how you were able to get through it, any advice helps! Please help me 

soon2bejp

And what about a local mom's meet up? Search online to see if there is anything in your area. It may help to get out of the house and talk to other moms.

Npetrous

I am lucky to not have any experience with depression, but I def felt the baby blues for a couple weeks. Going to the various moms groups around helped SO much. I go to 3 a week, all free, and have made some good connections with other moms. If is great to chat, compare experiences, vent about husbands etc.

justifyyourlove

holmes808 said:

I have a few different questions... first how can I tell if my son has reflux? Second, what do I do if he does have it? he's 6weeks old today & I've been feeding him 4oz @each feeding (every 3 or so hours) cause that's what he's been taking since he's been 2weeks old. But lately he hasn't been taking the entire bottle, then he's spitting up when he does take the whole thing. (he doesn't spit up every feeding, only a couple times/day & it's usually before or after he burps, not when he burps) So I've dropped down to 3oz just today, haven't started yet. I'm hoping that's the problem& it's not reflux.

Lastly & mainly, I recently ended up getting postpartum depression. I was fine his first month of life, but once he reached a month, it just came outta no where & hit pretty hard. I'm seriously struggling & feel so alone. I've talked to my doctor, they've upped my depression medication (I've struggled w/ depression my whole life so I'm already on medicine) but they just did that like 4 days ago, so of course It hasn't gotten better & wont for about another month. I feel like I'm alone, not that no one else hasn't felt this cause I know moms feel this way all over the world, but I'm physically alone in the struggle cause my man has no idea how I feel & thinks the thoughts I have are ridiculous & I feel ridiculous saying my feelings out loud so I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom or grandmother. I've reached out to my one friend that's a mother of 4, she said what anyone would say & it helped until we stopped talking & I got back into my thought process.

 I look around & realize I've been stuck in my house for over a month, taking care of a baby all day. Even after my man gets home, I still have to help him with our son. but when my man feeds him, lays him down to sleep or sits with him or does ANYTHING with him for that matter, our son doesn't act up, doesn't fuss, doesn't give him a hard time at all. I feel like my son doesn't like me & doesn't want to be around me. he use to cuddle with me but wont anymore unless it's time to sleep. I feel like I'm not good enough to be his mother because of what I just mentioned PLUS the fact that I was unable to breastfeed. I know it sounds dumb, but I'm sure every mother wants the BEST for their child.. and I know breast milk is THE BEST I could give him. But my body just didn't really produce it. I mean, I still pump & give him what I can get, but it's literally just a few drops. I had an infected C-section incision so my body wasn't hydrated. (That also helped me gain the depression cause I'm seriously upset with the way my body looks now) My body just couldn't produce enough & I feel like I'm not good enough for my son. He deserves better & I couldn't give it to him. I just don't know how to handle all these feelings: I hate my body now, I feel like an inadequate mother, I feel like my son hates me & that I'm just so alone; physically (with no friends or a life outside of this house) & mentally. How can I handle these feelings without making myself feel worse & if you've experienced anything like this plz tell me how you were able to get through it, any advice helps! Please help me 

So sorry to hear you're going through so much and post partum depression is very real, it is a tremendous pain to experience for sure.     I know every day seems like an extreme challenge and knowing other women go through it doesn't always ease the pain.  The newborn phase for most is very difficult especially with little to no sleep for weeks at a time and your body just cannot take that much.  You don't know where to turn and it feels like forever. There is a postpartum message board that you can also turn to for support and it's wonderful you're getting help with the doctor.  I promise it gets better for sure.  I've had a rough year for sure and still trying to get through it.  You hang in there and I'm sure you're an amazing mom than you give yourself credit for.

anxiousmommy85

In addition to the encouragement and support of the pp, you might also try walks outdoors, sitting in sunny windows, moderate exercise (if you're past postpartum restrictions), and cutting sugars high fatty foods out of your diet (if you haven't already). All three tend to be natural mood boosters.