Am I wrong?

camilleashleyyy

I am 21, soon to be single mommy of this little peanut. I have a serious inquiry. The father of my child has done something very wrong, but I do not know if it is worth not letting him experience the pregnancy let alone his child. When I first got pregnant I specifically told him that there was this group of friends I did not agree with him hanging around, they do hardcore drugs such as cocaine, Molly, acid. You name it, one of the girls in this group is also someone he has previousily slept with. I got a audio text last night that was similar to when someone but dials you and leaves a voicemail, except this was a voicemail with his voice two girls, and the guy I have been telling him not to hangout with. I have had no idea this has been going on, I had been helping him was gas money even though I'm low myself. To find out he spend it on a trip to Laguna beach with these people when I thought he was using it to get to work. (Did some social media creeping) first of all am I wrong to not want these kinds of people around my child? Am I wrong that I am so angry about this? And am I wrong for keeping him from his baby because he's lied to me, kept money from me and is engaging in activity not appriopriate for a soon to be father?

I am not sure, and my family gives biased responses. He told me that I was the one keeping him from his child and that really bothered me because I don't want to be that kind of person. Is this a serious enough issue to keep someone away from my baby and pregnancy? Opinions, please.

qtjo5

I say trust your gut. He seems like a low-life (no offense) and it does not sound like he will be consistant father with his child. If he can't be honest and respectful to you, do you think he will be with his child?

I think if you do keep him in your life for the child, there should be some terms attached so that you and baby don't get hurt or put in a situation that is undesirable.

Good luck! I am sure it's hard, but I feel from your post you know what the right decision is. Listen to yourself, and don't let anyone talk you out of how you truly feel about this guy.

FirstTimeDaddy81

The father of your child sounds like a loser that is making terrible decisions right now. If he's hanging out with that type of group, he absolutely should not have any unsupervised visits with your child.

I don't recommend that you completely cut him out of your life, though. It is his child, and maybe being a father will be the wake up call he needs to grow up and start acting like a man. You should let him know that if he gets his life together (full time employment so that he doesn't need to borrow gas money, quits doing drugs and hanging out with criminals, makes child support payments so that you aren't the only one paying for this baby), then he can be part of the child's life.

This can't be a quick fix situation like "hey, I haven't snorted any Coke this week! I want to take my child to the park". He really needs to earn your trust and prove to you that he's stopped making these poor decisions.

kladd7182

Step back and look at this from an outsiders point of view. Would you look down on a mother that lets her child around druggies? Would you look down on a mother that is with a druggie? If the answer is yes, you ha e your answer.

You're not wrong for considering any of it. However, I would go the legal route and get a custody agreement once baby arrives. Also, try and get supervised visits for him and baby to ensure that he can't take him around his friends/drugs. Keep him for
The pregnancy, but once baby is here it's a new ball game. You don't want baby to be mad at you for keeping dad away. Just make it so baby is safe, and when he/she is older he/she can make their own decisions about wanting anything to do with Douche Bag Daddy.

inLOVEalready715

Don't give him anything anymore. Everything you have you are going to need for your baby because this guys doesn't seem like he will be much help to you. Are you together? You really can't tell him how to live his life especially if you're not together. However, you are in charge of who is in your child's life. He can have a relationship with his child under supervision or after drug testing. I don't blame you for not wanting your baby around hard drugs, I wouldn't. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby. If he wants to be a part of it he can clean up his act...and if not, he still has to pay you child support anyway.

MrsRuby2012

You say that he said "He told me that I was the one keeping him from his child"

From my perspective, this is him looking to place the blame on you rather than recognize the consequences of his own actions. ie. if I do drugs, I can't see my child.  It is perfectly fine for you to set boundaries.  It's not that he can't see the child, but he definitely can't see the child if he is on drugs or hanging out with those individuals.  You need those boundaries in place for the safety of your little one and he needs to realize it's not about him not being able to see the child or be a part of your pregnancy, it's about him meeting the necessary conditions to be able do that.  And yes, definitely agree with previous posters - do not give him any more money, think about custody arrangement and child support

ipumpkin

Get the hell away from that creep and stay away.  He sounds like a low life and i'm sure you deserve much better than that. Your baby sure does.....right? Someone has to step up to the plate here. Clearly he isn't, so the responsiblitiy falls on you.

kate5all

If you're on this board, that means you're due in July, which means you're not at all "keeping him from his child". Don't let him use that as an excuse to guilt you into staying with him or giving him money. If he does want to be in this kid's life, that's completely up to you. As others have suggested, make a list of requirements that he must fulfill in order to spend time with the baby. You do NOT have to stay with him in order for him to be involved in this kid's life and if I were you, I would not let him use this baby as an excuse to get a second chance. 

If he really, truly cared about you as much as he should, he wouldn't have lied to you or taken advantage of you. You and your baby deserve better!

kris_tee

I agree with all pp's. Stay strong and do what's best for you and your child. Especially if your all that child has.

BabysMomma4

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this.Think of how family court would handle this. If he was allowed to be around the child when it's born, CPS would definitely have a problem with his lifestyle. He would probably only be allowed supervised visitations. It might do you good to point that out to him.

I would do as pp's have said and do what is best for you and your child. Give him the opportunity to change and be a better father/boyfriend with an open door to do so. As long as you give him the chance to change, I don't think you choosing to keep yourself and your baby out of the nonsense going on is wrong at all. You don't need that kind of drama in your life especially with a new baby on the way.

If he chooses not to change, that is definitely his loss and I'm guessing he'll come to realize that as he matures and realizes what he's let go of. Be strong and positive for you and your baby! If it doesn't work out with him, there are SO many guys out there that would be good to you and happy to be in your life and your baby's life. That is a fact!

chelsea13elyse

I would sit him down and have an honest conversation with him and tell him to grow up and cut that shit/those people out or you're done. If you weren't pregnant I would say he isn't worth a second chance but given that you are pregnant I think for the sake of your baby it may be worth trying to work things out if he can get his act together. If you give him an ultimatum to clean up or he won't be a part of the baby's life it might be enough for him to realize how foolish he is actually being.

Ckorines

My mom always says, "A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you." Set your boundaries NOW, so he knows what you expect from him. You sound like a really smart girl (I've read and agreed with a lot of your posts!) and I'm sure you will do what's right for your baby and YOU too. Good luck love.

anicsmith

Run far, far away. Your most important job right now is to take care of yourself and grow peanut. Don't fall for that you're keeping me away from our child bull when he's the one that's not being a responsible future patent at the moment. Don't settle for it now. Show him that you mean business, drugs are serious and I wouldn't want my child around someone so careless. You've got this girl!

mhuang1

I would absolutely and completely cut him off, but then again I have no tolerance for any kind of bs. If my SO started smoking or doing drugs again or anything that could put him in jail I would cut the cord on his involvement. He's a grown adult (I'm assuming over 18 and probably 21 or older) and he knows better than to behave like that. He knows he's being irresponsible and he should at the very least be made aware that you in no way can take him seriously as long as he continues on. Honestly, I've seen so many girls get pregnant and the father of their child just disappears or keeps up the bad behavior. If you don't see a commitment and he is a consistent liar then I would say he deserves very limited access to this baby. Your baby deserves the world and sometimes their mommy is the only one that can give them that. Best wishes on your situation and whatever you decide to do.