How can I get my doctor to stop trying to make me act giddy? — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

How can I get my doctor to stop trying to make me act giddy?

LovewithXOXOLovewithXOXO member
edited January 2015 in Pregnant after a Loss
My history is that my first pregnancy, a little over a year ago, ended at 7 weeks, the day before my first ultrasound was scheduled. I am currently at 13 weeks with my second pregnancy.

For this pregnancy at every appointment, my doctor, who is really quite sweet but I think a bit naive about certain things, like emotions, tries to get excitement out of me about my pregnancy.

It is a little hard to explain. I am not somber or anything like that with her, I am just pretty matter of fact when talking about the pregnancy and related topics. At the first appointment for this pregnancy, when she came back with the urine sample results, confirming the pregnancy (I already knew I was pregnant because of a home test) she was quite congratulatory and I thanked her for it but did not return the excitement she was expressing. She asked me how I feel about it and I responded that I was happy, but not ready to be excited yet. She responded by saying well I will get you excited because on this date you will see your baby (on ultrasound), on this date you will learn the sex, etc...

At the second appointment, my husband was there and before the doctor walked in we were just chatting with each other and as the doctor walked in I was smiling because of our conversation. My doc said to my husband "I am glad you are here today. last time I could not get her to smile."

And so on with little jabs and attempts to get me to act giddy about the pregnancy.

I get that it is good to get excited about being pregnant. It starts the bonding with the baby and so forth, and I AM excited, but in a measured way. I know that things can happen. I am not in perfect health for pregnancy (obese). Very close people in my life have had multiple miscarriages and stillbirths. I cannot not keep myself emotionally prepared for something to go wrong. Giddiness just is not a feeling I am experiencing about this. I am joyful and hopeful and I already love my little jalapeno more than I can express. But I am on a fine line between those emotions and being prepared to let go. Gushing just is not going to happen especially with my doctor who will likely be the one to tell me if something is not going right. I want to clarify too that I am not in a constant staite of stress about it either. I am mostly relaxed and am just taking it day by day. Always hoping for the best, but prepared for not the best.

I am concerned that if I do not feign mindless exuberance in her presence she will start to think that I am having some kind of psychological problem, like maybe depression or detachment or something. I feel like my feelings are practical and healthy and I really wish that she would just understand that not everyone expresses themselves or thinks about things the same way.

So at my next appointment, when she tries to push for giggles and glow, what is a good way for me to get through to her that, while I am happy about my pregnancy, I cannot bring myself to beam?

Re: How can I get my doctor to stop trying to make me act giddy?

  • I would just maybe explain it to her.  I'm the same way, I'm not super giddy and excited - I'm cautiously optimistic.  My Dr. is very reassuring, but he understands my history and everything he says is in an effort to ease any worries I have.  

    Last time I went, my BP was high before they listened to the hb.  The nurse asked if I was anxious and I said "very" and she said she understood and immediately pulled out the doppler and made a little joke about my blood pressure coming down.  

    I'm thankful my Dr. and his nurses understand and they encourage me and check to see how I'm doing, but not in a pushy you have to be happy way.  

    Just tell her honestly how you feel and tell her you would love to be over the moon excited, but that you know the risks and you want to be balanced.

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    Went to ER 6-1-14 2:30 AM - diagnosed with incomplete m/c
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  • If you are really uncomfortable with the way your doctor is treating you I would consider switching to someone else. I would think your doc would be a little more compassionate knowing your history. 
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  • The problem is that around here it is really really hard to find a doctor. I live in a big city in Canada. You are not allowed to go searching fora new doctor until you remove yourself from your current doctor's registry, so you are completely without until you find another one.

    It took us over 3 years to find this one. My husband was on the government doctor connection service for actually about seven years to no avail, then when I moved here I started actively searching. Finally I found this one only because of a tip I got from a friend that she was taking new patients.

    So I am stuck with her for the time being. I just wish that she was more sensitive to my feelings about this. But, next appointment, if she does it again, I am going to try to get the message across, again. If she doesn't get it after that, I may start being more firm because I think the annoyance will start to shift to anger.
  • If she does it again I would flat out tell her. You are excited but, etc, etc. just lay it out there.

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