Maybe trying ***ticker warning, child and loss mentioned***

angelsnight

Hi all,

A little about me, MH and I are both 35 and we have been married for 4 years, together for almost 8.  We finally got our rainbow last March after trying for two years, an early loss and a later loss. 

I had always thought I wanted two kids, but after everything we've gone through, and turning 36 in May, I am very torn.  We said we would decide once LO turns one, but now that that "deadline" is approaching I am still undecided.  I know it's still two months away, but I am nowhere near 100% certain I am ready for another.  I am already high risk for GD (had it with my last two pregnancies), and pre-term labor, so I am just not sure if I want to add the third factor of being AMA.

I have other reasons for not being sure (scared of another loss, feeling like I should just be grateful for what I have and quit while we're ahead, etc) but my age is definitely a big one.  Or at least, it is a big factor behind feeling like if we're going to have another, it needs to be soon.  In a perfect world, I would love to put 4 or 5 years between kids, but I know I am not comfortable waiting that long, so I thought, maybe just another year.  I would then be 36 going on 37, and that is if I get pregnant relatively quickly, but we've struggled in the past so who knows.  I guess I feel like we need to either make the decision to have another, or make the decision to be done and look into permanent BC.  I just don't feel like I have the luxury that someone may have in their 20's to wait a few years and then see how we feel.

I know its a decision only MH and I can make, but I'm just wondering if anyone has anything they can share, any wisdom, any "what they would do", input.   Am I making a bigger deal out of waiting one more year than I should?

rspalding001

Im like you. We had our first Nov 2013 and are now trying to have #2. I am also 36, will be 37 in July. We want two because we feel that its in the best interest of our daughter to have a sibling. We will continue to try for another couple years I think. People can safely have children into their 40s these days and if you are healthy and take care of yourself anything is possible. Stay positive and try not to second guess yourself too much. Think about why you want to have more than 1 child and if the reason makes sense keep trying.  We have been trying since our daughter was about 10 months but my body still isn't back to normal from the first pregnancy even though Ive been getting my period since my DD was about 7 months old. I have irregular cycles and Im not even sure I ovulate every month. I'm certain its because we only stopped breast feeding at around 9 months and I know nature just takes its own sweet time in this regard. If your baby is just now 10 months and you have been breast feeding at all it may be a while until your body is ready to get pregnant again. Give it time. 36 isnt that old in my opinion so dont feel like you have to rush it, but if I were in your shoes I would probably stop using protection and see what happens naturally. But that's just me. Good Luck!

lcwed

At 35 you are on the low end of AMA and still have some time to get to 100% certain. After a loss, they always say you are ready when the desire for a child is stronger than the fear of another loss. I agree with @rspalding001‌ about just seeing what happens. Then if you become 100% certain you can actively TTC starting with charting and temping. Good luck and welcome to the board.

hooligans4

Welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. I've had 2 myself but both early. I am scared shitless sometimes of going through another but my desire for another child pushes me past the fear.
I'm going to be 40 so 36 is young to me. I wouldn't worry about waiting a little while to decide if you want another but I agree with pp about stopping BC and just see what happens.
So welcome and good luck.

sonpetitlapin

****Children/pregnancy and Loss Mentioned******

I can understand your urgency of wanting to have one soon.  I am 35.5 and I will be a huge HR pregnancy.  So my window of TTC is small as I don't want to increase anything I already face with my AMA.

I am a diabetic Type II (huge family history).  I was GD with #1 and #3.  I went on the diabetic diet with both when DX.  With #1 I was diet controlled but with #3 I did everything right and still had to take insulin shots.  I didn't have GD with #2.  So you will have it or you will not.  But there are things you can do to get ahead of the game, start a diabetic diet plan when you start TTC and consume items that help regulate blood sugar levels.  

  

angelsnight

Thanks for the welcome and advice ladies. I know age is all relative, when I began ttc I was 32 and I thought that was super old for ttc....so I'd hate to not try and then years later regret it, realizing I did still have time.

I came to the decision last night that we'll wait till LO turns two and then probably try (and maybe not try but not prevent sometime before then). Coming to this decision has taken a weight off from me, I feel good about this decision.

It also takes some stress off the worry about LO and a new baby being so close in age. @Sonpetitlapini I was diet controlled with my second pregnancy but needed insulin pretty early on with this last one. I'm trying very hard to lose weight, I know it's not a guarantee, but of course losing weight would be awesome and maybe it could help to not have gd again next time.

I look forward to getting to know you ladies if it's ok to hang around even tho were not ttc yet.