Am I being paranoid? (previous loss mentioned)

MommyKrisi

My husband and I found out we had concieved and were miscarrying 1 month after we got engaged.  I had no clue I was pregnant and was not behaving as a pregnant woman should, so I understand that loss.  After we got married, almost 1 year later we conceived again, and I did EVERYTHING i was supposed to.  I took my vitamins, I ate healthy, I gained appropriate weight (about 5 lbs).  Im not a smoker, avoided alcohol like the plague.  And still my angel left me.

I'm pregnant again now (about 4 months after my miscarriage) and I'm terrified.  I am scared about every ache and pain.  I've gone in for blood work  twice now so my dr. can track my hormone levels.  I want so much to get attached to this bundle of pure joy, but my heart still hurts from the last one.  I have more good days than bad ones.  But today (i'm certain it is the hormones from this pregnancy) is a bad day and all I want to do is cry.  We are praying for the best, because I do not want to bathe my child that is in my womb with sadness and depression.

Sorry for the long rant, thank you for hearing me out.  Any success stories to share?  Am I being paranoid?

natalie115

You're not being paranoid, almost all the ladies here have been through or are going through the same emotions. Being PGAL is a mind fuck. Just take it day by day and things will likely get easier as you start to get further along, see a heartbeat, feel the baby move, etc. You'll find success stories all the time around here (as evidenced by the all the birth stories ).

Your emotions now aren't going to affect your baby. They aren't going to know if you're having a bad day or not. So feel your emotions and work through them. Wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months!

MommyKrisi

Thanks! I was starting to feel like a dumbass for crying at my desk at work. It's probably all the hormones ( >:D<

mrsjg2013

I'm very sorry for your previous losses.  After three losses myself, I found my emotions very conflicted when I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time.  One day I woke up and decided that this little one deserved every ounce of excitement that my first did- so from that day on, I have tried my hardest to celebrate every day of this pregnancy.  It's so hard, but I've made it a point not to wish away any time... sometimes I'll catch myself thinking "I wish I was at the stage of viability," or, "I wish it was already May," but then I remember that this little girl and I are on a very special (and relatively short) journey together, and I'm going to enjoy every day that I have her within me.  With all that being said, there are fears and worries that constantly creep up on me- repeating mantras and leaning on the amazing ladies here have been tremendous supports.

BackstreetPixie

What you are feeling is completely normal. It is only natural to be scared of becoming attached after already knowing the pain of losing a baby. (or 2 in your case)  It took me a long time to really think this was real. About 14 weeks. We didn't tell anyone until then. Even now at 29 I feel like it might go away any time or isn't real. ::hugs:: take it one day at a time. 

MommyKrisi

@mrskblack11‌ @mrsjg2013‌ @BackstreetPixie‌ thank you for the support. I Love the mantra idea. I'm just going to love my baby whether or not I get to meet him/her. Thanks again for the love!