Fear of childbirth resources - so many options!

MamaBish

Hi all, I am trying to find good resources to help calm my fear of giving birth - trying to read everything I can. I know it will all be worth it, yada, yada. But it terrifies me. There seem to be so many books, websites, magazines, videos, etc. that my head is spinning. And talking to moms I know never seems to help, they either tell me about their sister's cousin's niece's teacher that had a terrible experience or just pat me on the head and say "it's all worth it to hold that beautiful baby." 

Are there any resources about easing anxiety about birth that you have personally read/watched that helped you? TIA!

starkbaby22

I can't say much for resources, BUT I can say that it doesn't matter how "prepared" you are. Your birth will be individual from others. I never took classes or watched films or anything like that. I fear that they emphasize too much on the scary stuff, and not so much the typical stuff. I believe in the classes or books whathaveyou, but sometimes you can have too much information. You need to take your birth process one step at a time. It is scary, it is intimidating, but so many women give birth everyday. Try not to stress, hun.

mamahawk12

I was straight up TERRIFIED of giving birth with my first... so much unknown. Have you looked into a childbirth class? My birthing center offers them, as do a lot of hospitals. Not only was it extremely informative (knowing what happens when, what my various options were at various stages of labor and delivery, etc) they gave us an extensive tour of the labor suites, recovery rooms, where the nursery and nicu were located, etc... so on the day of, I didn't feel quite so "omg, what am I doing??"

I was still pretty spooked up until the actual event, but when it all starts happening, it's less scary, I promise.

MamaBish

mamahawk12 said:

I was straight up TERRIFIED of giving birth with my first... so much unknown. Have you looked into a childbirth class? My birthing center offers them, as do a lot of hospitals. Not only was it extremely informative (knowing what happens when, what my various options were at various stages of labor and delivery, etc) they gave us an extensive tour of the labor suites, recovery rooms, where the nursery and nicu were located, etc... so on the day of, I didn't feel quite so "omg, what am I doing??"

I was still pretty spooked up until the actual event, but when it all starts happening, it's less scary, I promise.

I have signed up for a class but it's not until April, I didn't want to take it too early and then forget everything. Hoping it's a good class!

mamayo26

DH and I took a class and I think it was helpful in providing information about available options. I think you should talk to your OB at your next visit about your options to see what you are most comfortable with.

Do you know what you are anxious about? Is it the pain, is it being in a hospital, or is it something else that you can't quite nail down yet? TB has a birth plan in their tools section, it might be good t look through it so you can have a more indept conversation with your OB and uncover what is causing the axiety.

It sounds like you are FTM, so it may just be the unknown, but like PP said every birth (even for the same mama) can and will be different. Plus there are usually several options for you to choose from while in labor that will make you more comfortable.

thelittlestbee

Which aspect is it that you're afraid of, specifically? Is it popping a baby out of your V? Or the possibility of complications? Or is it the unknown? 

This is my first baby, so I have no experience in giving birth. Before I got pregnant, I was terrified of the idea of a human coming out of me. But during this pregnancy, I've learned so many things about my body and realized that this is what our bodies were made to do! I think it's normal to be scared, but personally, I'm trying to be as positive as I can about this whole thing. I think the PP's suggestion to take a class at the hospital is a great idea and will really put your mind at ease. DH and I are planning to do the same, so at least we know what we're in for. 

WifeDeAngel

I suggest you read "Birthing from Within". It's a little woo-wee, but it has some exercises you can do to help you identify what your fears are and help you work through them.

MamaBish

thelittlestbee said:

Which aspect is it that you're afraid of, specifically? Is it popping a baby out of your V? Or the possibility of complications? Or is it the unknown? 

This is my first baby, so I have no experience in giving birth. Before I got pregnant, I was terrified of the idea of a human coming out of me. But during this pregnancy, I've learned so many things about my body and realized that this is what our bodies were made to do! I think it's normal to be scared, but personally, I'm trying to be as positive as I can about this whole thing. I think the PP's suggestion to take a class at the hospital is a great idea and will really put your mind at ease. DH and I are planning to do the same, so at least we know what we're in for. 

It's basically all of the above. I am scared of the pain, scared of having never done it or seen it in person, and scared of complications. I know it's what my body is supposed to do but I'm basically a giant wuss, lol

lovemywildgirls

I agree that you should look into child birth classes at the hospital you will be delivering at. I was pretty terrified at the thought of giving birth with my first. So much so that I secretly wished I would have a c-section because the thought of pushing terrified me. But as I got closer and closer to my due date, especially the last couple weeks, I was just ready. I was induced with my first and had to be at the hospital at 6am and I couldn't believe how NOT nervous I was. By the end you are so ready to meet your baby and to not be pregnant anymore that giving birth is a lot less scary.

mamahawk12

MamaBish said:

thelittlestbee said:

Which aspect is it that you're afraid of, specifically? Is it popping a baby out of your V? Or the possibility of complications? Or is it the unknown? 

This is my first baby, so I have no experience in giving birth. Before I got pregnant, I was terrified of the idea of a human coming out of me. But during this pregnancy, I've learned so many things about my body and realized that this is what our bodies were made to do! I think it's normal to be scared, but personally, I'm trying to be as positive as I can about this whole thing. I think the PP's suggestion to take a class at the hospital is a great idea and will really put your mind at ease. DH and I are planning to do the same, so at least we know what we're in for. 

It's basically all of the above. I am scared of the pain, scared of having never done it or seen it in person, and scared of complications. I know it's what my body is supposed to do but I'm basically a giant wuss, lol

Oh gosh. I witnessed my first birth last summer (when my sister gave birth to my niece) and it was way more scary being a bystander than it was when it was myself. Just my personal opinion. I think had I witnessed that before having my own kids, it would have traumatized me, lol.

girlymama79

The more you can learn the better off you will be.  I've been experiencing quite a bit of fear this go around and I realized it's because I'm in a whole new town and have a whole new dr. and will be at a whole new hospital.  I just need to talk to my dr about what they do here generally.  Just realizing where my fear has came from has calmed me down quite a bit.

babybean9

Ina May's Guide To Childbirth was great for me. I'm a FTM and planning a homebirth. I felt some of what you're feeling now earlier on, reading and educating yourself as much as possible is key. I'm also planning on the hypnobabies home study course, it has a 'no fear' component to it.

My recommendations aren't everyone's style which I understand, but it wouldn't hurt to look into different things and see what works for you.

MamaBish

Thank you so much to everyone for their recommendations! I will be looking into those books, as well as reading up on hypnobabies. I have heard some good things about that as well.

blu-eyedwife

I was scared of just about everything first time around - I think that's pretty common.  I was worried about getting an epidural, not getting an epidural, the actual giving birth, recovery, dealing with the baby - all of it.

I think time is really helpful.  Right now, it's still so early we have lots of time to worry.  When it gets closer to the due date, other emotions take over.  You start getting excited and anxious to meet the baby.  By the time labor actually rolls around, you're not as concerned about the process, because there's all the adrenaline involved in "it's time."  Even though I was induced, so sitting in a bed for 2 days before anything happened, I stopped being worried about the details.

wegrowsheep

This is going to sound pretty simple...because it is.
First of all, get familiar with the steps your body goes through (early labor, dilation, transition, etc), and what the baby is doing in each of those steps. This way you can visualize what's happening while you're going through it, knowing how many "steps" are left and what is next. And remember, regardless of how you do it (pain meds or not, csection or not), the pain WILL end.

kej0004

I'm a FTM as well and I've actually found that reading other people's stories makes it worse for me (even the "easy birth" ones). I'm planning on taking a class at the hospital I'll be delivering at and continuing to read up on the basics (the steps that pp mentioned) and that is helping me some. 

Mostly I'm just embracing the inevitability of it all--like a final exam. There's no reason to start stressing about it before you've even taken the midterm.

efeehan

I used to have anxiety attacks just thinking about being pregnant/giving birth. Honestly what helped me even want a child was my family got a farm and I've watched horses, cows, and goats give birth. I know that sounds crazy but it is absolutely amazing to watch them & see how they do it with no medication/little to no intervention. I've been reading about hypnobirthing and Ina mays guide to childbirth. Hypnobirthing is a little out there but I love how it is centered around relaxation techniques & knowing that your body is made to give birth.

tinybride717

I second anything by Ina May Gaskin. Some of it is a little crunchy and psychedelic-fabulous, but Spiritual Midwifery has so many amazing stories of women giving birth (from their perspectives). It's really helped me conceptualize that, regardless of how things actually go on birth day, me/my body will be working with baby to make it all happen. As a FTM, I also liked watching The Business of Being Born (I think that's the title - on Netflix!). Regardless of whether you end up with a c-section or medication when you originally planned for unmedicated, etc., hearing the moms' stories was enlightening and makes me a little excited for the experience. I may or may not be on a warrior mama kick this week though

taboullio84

I've had 4 deliveries so far. Honestly , it always looks scarier than it actually is. I think you get so excited that the baby is almost in your arms you go into autopilot. Did it hurt? Yes . I had the epidural for the last one I was more worried about that than anything. I slept till it was time to push. ( after they h had to give me more medicine BC I could still feel half my body)

tinybugsmom

Hypnobirthing ... we are doing Hypnobabies. They have a part just for this.

gingerbabe

When I was pregnant with my first I read a couple non-med, granola-ish books that I loved but my favorite is The Mommy Doc's Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy and Birth (https://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Ultimate-Guide-Pregnancy-Birth-ebook/dp/B004THDTA8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421782332&sr=1-1&keywords=mommy+docs&pebp=1421782335762&peasin=B004THDTA8) because I wanted to know all the info of what happens if things go not as you expect. This book talks about being induced, c-sections, emergency c-sections, non-medicated, etc. It gave me a broader idea of what I could possibly expect even if things don't go well. I had a lot of anxiety about childbirth the first time around and it really helped ease my nerves. 

gingerbabe

Also, taking a couple different kind of classes (maybe one from the hospital and one from a third party or alternative view of childbirth like hypnobirthing) may be good to help ease those anxieties! For me, having a more specific idea of what happens in labor really helped me feel more calm about giving birth.

IslamoradaBride09

We took Bradley Method classes for my first pregnancy, and I found them very helpful. Of course, I was aiming for (and did have) a med-free, low-intervention birth. But I definitely recommend taking some sort of class or just reading up on the stages of labor and delivery. 

Like PP said, every woman is different, and every birth is different. Good luck to you! 

janat1717

I second Birthing From Within. So many good suggestions and loved the flow of it too. She would say it is good you are working through your fears rather than trying to push them aside. I have had a lot of people including midwife, doula and regular doctor not take any hospital classes but to look at ones through OBs or other outside groups, doulas etc.