Intro & Need Guidance (kinda long)

shrkfan

hi everyone!! Not exactly sure how to start an intro on this so I guess I'll get to the point....
I am a FTM and after struggling with my husband and I having a harder time getting pregnant, we found out we were expecting identical twin boys. Because they shared the placenta they said I was considered a high risk pregnancy so I was monitored very closely. Everything was going great but at a couple days over 20 weeks we found out one passed away.
They ran every test they could think of and we did find out our other son will make it and will be ok (they were worried since they do share things). I am still carrying both and will need to deliver both... Here's where my question and need of guidance from those who have been in similar situations finally comes in: I have asked my dr about the delivery process and am just told he will come out second. Has anyone delivered a stillborn? Do you feel that urge to push still? I guess I'm just looking for support and advice from you ladies who may have been there. There's so many thoughts and questions that have popped in my mind that I'm not even sure what questions I even have anymore...
Any help on previous experiences would be appreciated. Thank you ladies!!

lexusolsen

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your other son continues to be healthy. Is your doctor planning to let you go to term? I choose to have a repeat c-section because of the traumatic nature of how my son died and because I did not want to be induced. So unfortunately, I can't help with how things go. I'd imagine that your body will still feel the urge to push, just like it would if both your sons would be born alive.

shrkfan

The dr suggested inducing labor around 37 weeks to decrease chances of some risks of going full term. He said we would try vaginal birth first and would do c section if that doesn't work.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son was stillborn at 37 weeks, and I was induced. I did still have the urge to push, and we were able to hold and spend time with him. I'm sorry you're joining us here, but welcome.

CheesyPeas

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Sending my prayers that your other son will remain safe and continue to thrive.  I can only imagine the anxiety of emotions you must be going through.

My daughter was stillborn at 24 weeks, and I felt the urge to push up until the point when my water broke, and then my contractions stopped.  My doctor was there by that point, so she said I could go ahead and try to push even though I wasn't feeling the urge.  I went ahead and tried and was still able to get her out quite easily in a couple of pushes.  She was 1 lb. 1 oz and 11 inches long, so quite small but not tiny.

Hopefully this isn't upsetting to you and likely isn't anything you don't already know from your doctor but if you are induced around 37 weeks, your stillborn is going to be in a different condition and size than a 20-weeker delivered around 20 weeks.  I would guess that your experience is going to be quite different from most of ours but I would guess (as a non-medical professional) that the delivery piece should work out fine.  With a vaginal delivery, you will need to deliver the placenta, so I would guess that your son would likely be delivered then if you don't feel the urge or are unable to push him out independently before that.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

I have no advice here, but I did want to say I am sorry for the loss of your baby and I'm sending love and prayers that your other baby arrives healthy and safe. 

MCH77

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for your loss.

shrkfan

Thank you everyone!!

stefuge

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that there are other moms here who have had a similar experience with the loss of a twin. Our son, while not a twin, was stillborn. My body went into labor, but due to complications, I needed an emergency c-section. If not for the amount of blood I was losing, they had planned for me to deliver vaginally, and I believe the process would have been very similar to if he was alive. We were able to hold him, take pictures, get footprints, and spend some time, which was so precious.

shrkfan

Thank you for sharing your experiences.. I know these are not the best memories. I wish each and every single one of you happiness and best of luck with everything!!!

shrkfan

I wish we didn't need this section of the bump but since we do it helps having others who have been in similar situations

Maybe Joleisa

I'm so sorry for your loss. ((hugs))

jonahsma

Im sorry for the loss of your baby, We would love to know his name. Praying and keeping you in t&p's

shrkfan

We named him jackson

jenn.schott

Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I hope that you can find some comfort here as they are a great group of ladies.

msunshine123

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jackson. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my son at 39 weeks due to a cord accident when my labor started or in the 4 hours as it progressed. So he was stillborn when he was delivered 8 pounds 10 ounces and 21 inches long. My labor was in progress so you do push. I didn't have any medication  - his delivery was natural. I wasn't sure how I would feel knowing he was not alive, but meeting my son was the best moment of my life. I felt more love and joy for my son than I could ever have imagined.

shrkfan

@MaiTaiBeth‌ thank you!! I'm not sure how to view pm on the app on my phone but I'll login thru my computer this week.. I usually just go on this with my phone

Morena Mama

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad the ladies were able to give you some great advice. All I can do is agree with what pp's wrote. I delivered my son, Nathaniel, naturally after four c-sections. I did feel the urge to push and from what I've heard of other labors, his delivery was comparatively easy. I was so glad I was able to give him a natural entrance into this world, even though his spirit was already in the next.

themarquis0

We had a slightly different experience in that one twin passed away at 14 weeks and the second was born due to preterm labor at 19 weeks. Our bigger baby was about 8 ounces and 7 inches if I recall. Our smaller baby was very tiny, maybe a couple of inches long. Your twin that has passed away will probably be around the size of our bigger twin at first but (please forgive if this is graphic) will change in size over time as your other baby gets bigger. She or he may be quite small and curled up and/ or narrow by the time of delivery. I believe he or she should still have recognizable features. You can ask the nurses if you would like to hold him or her and say goodbye. In terms of the urge to push I am not sure, but because your smaller baby will have decreased in size and you will deliver the bigger baby first, there may be so much happening at that time that you won't have a clear sense what is going on down there. I think sometimes a baby who has passed a while ago ends up being delivered simultaneously with the placenta. But your nurses will def. Help guide you through the process and be very kind and reverent. (Or at least that is my experience).