Bad time to intro, but FF questions

Jyoung327

Hi Ladies, 

I understand and totally respect that there are some issues going on with TB and the boards, etc., I am just looking for whoever is left to talk to and hopefully make some connections with others in my boat. 

Here is my first post on TTCAL, i intro'd a week or so ago on the miscarriage board and am crossing over. I lost my baby at 12w4d after bleeding began on new year's day, we never got to hear the heartbeat at our 9 week scan and my dr had said that was normal, but really we found out on jan 6 that the baby had in fact stopped growing at 8 weeks and i had carried it for nearly a month before my body realized it.  I was scheduled for a D&C on Jan 9 but naturally miscarried the night before and labored an in-tact sac with ridiculous pain and my mom and husband nearby.  I had apparently a horrendous experience with my doctor and the whole practice, and everyone's suggestions on MPL board and my family have recommended a new doctor. 

I feel like the only thing that will help me not feel this great sorrow for our lost baby will be a new baby. I have a lot of guilty feelings over that too. It's been over a week since my MC and the bleeding has stopped. I am not sure if I will ovulate soon or not, but because I passed the full sac I have no medical reason to wait for a new pregnancy. 

My questions are related to fertility friend.  I downloaded the app when I started trying and after stalking the TTGP board, bought a thermometer and bulk OPK's on amazon. However, I never had to use either as I got pregnant.  I had documented in FF the dates of my periods and sex, and it started to give me a "guestimate" model for my subsequent periods and fertile weeks (I know I can't verify that without temp shifts and positive OPKS). However, after becoming pregnant I marked that I had a positive test in FF and then didn't add any info until my bleeding started Jan 1.  It is giving me a guestimate of fertility coming up at the end of the week- does anyone know if this is totally off because of the miscarriage, or how I should proceed in guessing when I am ovulating or fertile, etc? I don't want to waste all my OPKs...and I'm not sure when I should have started temping.  

Sorry for the book- any and all feedback are greatly appreciated.  Thank you for reading and I truly feel for all the women who find themselves on this board. 

renegadewhit

Welcome to this board. If you're changing doctors, you may want to get a second opinion on waiting to ttc. You need time to heal physically and mentally. I agree with @LDubHawksFan‌ that your cycle may be completely out of whack, and ff may not be accurate.

Jyoung327

Thanks for the response. He recommended one cycle as a standard response but since I had no clotting or issues with retained tissue, my body *should* resume to normal.  I have heard from several people about side-eyeing his first response- that was our very first appointment with him and he said it was possible baby was still tucked down behind pubic bone which could have blocked the doppler from picking up the heartbeat.  I gave him the date of my last cycle and we calculated based on that.  I didn't have a confirmed date of ovulation, though looking back at FF i had one of two dates that could have been insemination.

FF has my cycles since about May of 2014, and for the most part the cycles are 29-32 days, with one random 38 day cycle.  I know there is no "regular"...I'm just hoping there is a better way at guessing my next fertile week to give me better chances.  

TashaCN

Sorry for your loss. I have no advice on FF, but do agree with previous posters on talking to a doc (possibly  a new one) on how long to wait to TTC again. 

Best of luck to you and welcome. I hope you find this board to be supportive. 

rmpar29

I would definitely wait the one cycle that your doctor recommends, which means that you wouldn't be trying this cycle since you just experienced your m/c.  You need to give body time to heal from the traumatic event that it just went through.  Did your doctor track your HCG levels to 0?  There is no reason to assume that your body will go back to "normal" after a loss.  Many experience wonky cycles afterwards, even after a natural m/c.   

For FF, yes, it's taking the data from your previous cycles and averaging everything to come up with best guesses as to when you will O.  I wouldn't count on anything this cycle though. 

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Welcome to the board.

scrang74

Don't rely so much on FF's guesstimate. Start temping, checking for CM, and doing the OPKs. After my 1st MC, I started doing all those things and my cycle wasn't fully "back to normal" until about 3 months post D&C. And that normal was completely different than pre MC. However, everyone is different and most of all, your body needs time to heal. Good luck and so very sorry for your loss.

Jyoung327

On Jan 6 when I had my first ultrasound that confirmed no heartbeat, I got blood drawn and my HCG at that time was over 2000.  I just had a re-draw on 1/16 and it was 33. I will get another draw this week to track to 0...though the nurse said it could take up to 2 weeks for it to get to 0 from 33.  I just dont trust the practice in general at this point.  I looked into another doctor recommended by my close friend who sang her praises, though she is only accepting OB patients at this time so I don't know if I want to hop to another doctor for the interim GYN issues and then move to another for the OB.  although there is no reason I couldnt go to someone else in the practice. I just want someone who will work with me this time as I feel a bit traumatized from the experience and my care thus far. 

Nikolie93

Once again I am sorry for your loss *hug*

I also agree with what @LDubhawsfan stated when she said if you're not comfortable with your Dr, you should look for another one. This may be a good time to start with someone new. If you have no faith in your Dr you will most likely be even more frustrated during your journey. 

As for wanting to start again right away, that is normal for some to feel that way but it's so very important to let your body heal. If I were in your shoes I would see a new Dr and wait for their recommendation on when you can try again. I know the whole things sucks

Good luck to you! 

Jyoung327

I guess I don't know what to expect with my dr, I have my 2 week post-MC appt the 23rd and have no idea what the point is, what he or i will say.  My mom thought I should express to him how I perceived my care and have been disappointed, but i dont feel confident in doing so. There is a lot more to it that I have shared in other posts I bet, not just the missed MC, but the ultrasound tech, the nursing, what happened when I naturally MC the morning I was scheduled for the D&C and the dr didnt even talk to me about it, and trying to get a hold of my disposition of a stillborn fetus paperwork to cremate the baby. I have so much built up frustration that I dont even want to see him again, but dont know if it is truly necessary for me to go for this follow up...im guessing yes....and probably shouldnt switch doctors before i do that? 

rmpar29

I think it's important that you have some follow-up care, but no, it's not necessary to go to the same doctor.  Just have your files transferred to wherever you want to go from now on. 

jordangoodnight

I don't really have any advice but welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for your loss.

rubysi

Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. I would also seek a new dr. Hugs.

Jyoung327

I dont believe I'll have another ultrasound but my dr hasnt said anything.  I passed what looked like a softball size water balloon- full sac, intact, and clots throughout the week but no other tissues. no cramping, bleeding has since stopped about the 14th (happened the 9th and bleeding started the 1st).  i have a blood draw once per week to track to 0.  my HCG on 1/6 was over 2000, and on 1/16 is was down to 33. sounds like getting all the way down to 0 might take another week or 2. 

Edit: this was supposed to be in response to @furrypaws , sorry im new to trying to respond/quote ! i hit reply to that comment thinking it would make it appear that way...do i hit quote instead? 

tennss

So sorry for your loss. If it's helpful, my doctor told me to wait one cycle before trying again though I've seen others in the community say their doctors told them three cycles. I had a D&C but it took me 5 weeks to get a cycle and around that same time for my HCG to go back down to 0. (Was around 20,000 when I MC'd)

Regarding OPKs, I too did not use one when getting pregnant before but it has helped me to feel more confident that we are timing things right and giving it our best shot each month. Though we are still not pregnant (4 cycles) I hope that things get better for you and the rest of the community soon!

Regarding your doctor, you should be comfortable with whomever you see, so if that means changing, then you should.

ellebelle2384

So sorry for your loss.  I also agree with PPs about looking for a new doctor.  I really side eye what they told you about not seeing a HB at 9 weeks, even given the explanation about possible positioning.  I'm glad they are following your betas down to 0 as well.  To echo what @rmpar29 said, you wouldn't actually be trying this cycle if you are supposed to wait one cycle after your m/c.  For me, any cycle after a m/c has been a bit wonky so I don't have any advice on when to start OPKs.  On a regular cycle for me I start around CD10 since sometimes I O a bit early, but everyone is different and there can be a new "normal" after a loss.  I hope you have a good f/u appt. (hugs)

meredithcarole

I am very sorry for your loss. I think I already side-eyed your doc on the Miscarriage board so I won't be redundant. I would wait until you get your period before starting again. The biggest reason for that is to make sure you have a healthy lining to carry a pregnancy. Yes, you passed the sack and your HCG is dropping, but most here have had very clotty, heavy periods for a couple months after a loss so there is still a lot going on internally. I think starting to temp is a good plan. As for the follow up, it varies, but mine was more of a "hi, how are you." There was no actual exam.

Welcome to the board.

ETA: fixed autocorrect

Rachaeleigh

Sorry for your loss, welcome

I'm just going to reiterate what PP said about at least waiting one cycle to ttc again, at least to make sure your body is back to normal.
With my 4th loss, I STILL had retained tissue after passing a sack.
GL!

Jyoung327

Rachaeleigh said:

Sorry for your loss, welcome I'm just going to reiterate what PP said about at least waiting one cycle to ttc again, at least to make sure your body is back to normal. With my 4th loss, I STILL had retained tissue after passing a sack. GL!

How long until you found that out, and how did you find out? Ultrasound? infection? clots?  i do wonder about the possibility but it really seemed like the whole thing passed at once- but again, ive never gone through this before so i could be dead wrong! 

lcwed

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find a doctor you like. All of my follow up appointments have involved an u/s to make sure everything has passed and my ute was clear.

lcwed

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find a doctor you like. All of my follow up appointments have involved an u/s to make sure everything has passed and my ute was clear.

lcwed

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find a doctor you like. All of my follow up appointments have involved an u/s to make sure everything has passed and my ute was clear.

MIssSally25

I'm so sorry for your loss!

I went in the day after my mc and they did an ultrasound and everything had passed. My doctor also said we could start trying right away. He said waiting a cycle or two is "standard" but there is actually no medical reason you can't wait if your ute is clean. Your body just won't get pregnant if it isn't ready. He said there is no higher chance of a miscarriage after. 

Good luck to you! Lots of hugs!

ImJessesGirl

Hi there, welcome aboard. I would think that FF is off. Your first cycle, as other posters have said, will be very off after your miscarriage. It was a pregnancy, and that screws with your body a bit for a while. Expect some fluctuations of temp even. Good luck to you!!

Jyoung327

@misssally25 Thanks for the reply, my doctor also told me there should be no reason as of yet, with only one MC, for chance of fertility to be affected.........it doesnt help me not feel paranoid though.  DH and i have talked about this, how we feel like we cant be excited the next time we hopefully get a BFP because of this experience, and how its not fair to that pregnancy/baby...but i dont see how i could feel any different. 

@imjessesgirl  Thank you also, i did not even think about that, how temps could be impacted.  I haven't temped a cycle yet so i dont even really know what to look for, i guess i get the gist but see now that even my first attempt it probably wont make sense because of what you pointed out. so thanks for that, that helps me not look into it too much the first go! 

MrsG80inTN

I wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.  Please find a new Doctor and verify that they are willing to let you try again so soon.  Your cycles may be wacked out after your loss so I'd give FF a couple months to get her head on straight :-)