Moving in with In-Laws

ChristineG25

Hey there ladies! So my due date is in April (surprise!) and my husband and I are both teachers. We will be done with school in early June and our lease for our house expires at the end of June. We have made the decision to move from our current house in Virginia back to our hometown of Pittsburgh because ALL of our family lives there, including my parents and brothers and his parents and brother. To save some money as we search for a house to buy, we have decided to live with my husband's parents for a year until we are ready to purchase a house. 

I LOVE my in-laws very much and appreciate how much they do for us. However, my husband is an only child and sometimes his mom can be a bit of a control freak. I just want to make sure that we enter this situation in the smartest way possible so that all of us can be as happy and comfortable as possible over this next year. 

Have any of you lived with your in-laws before? If so, how did you make it work? Did you ever live with them when you had children? Did this change things? I am looking for some advice about how to enter this situation and how you made your situation work...

taahira

My DH is an only child, and while I love my IL's from a distance, I could never ever live with them. It's barable when my MIL comes to stay for a few weeks in the summer holidays, to spend time with my children. To live with them, would never work. Every mother has there own way of being a parent, and that would always get in the way for us.

SMFB

If you're not incredibly easy going you're gonna have a bad time.

Swanigam

I lived with my IL s for about 8 months before we bought a house. It was rough, and that was before we had kids. I love my ILs, but MIL was going through menopause so she was very moody. Also her housekeeping style is very different from mine and it was definitely an adjustment getting used to that. I left the house and went "shopping" a lot to avoid the close quarters.

I'm so thankful for all they do for us, and if we had to do it again, I would! It's just not easy.

ChristineG25

@Swoon13 oops haha my husband is adopted and is really close with his biological brother.....but he was raised with his adopted parents as an only child. Sorry, I forget sometimes that his story is kinda complicated

aly&jj

I've never had to live with my in-laws, thank God! It's not that I don't love them, it's just that we are very very different, especially in how we raise (raised) our children. I would just make sure some very clear boundaries are set before you move in, and make sure you communicate. That is the only way it's going to work.

wolowizard

ChristineG25 said:

@Swoon13 oops haha my husband is adopted and is really close with his biological brother.....but he was raised with his adopted parents as an only child. Sorry, I forget sometimes that his story is kinda complicated

This is my life. My husband was adopted and is an only child to his adoptive family, but has several biological brothers and sisters. His mom is so obsessed with him that there's no way I could live with her. He had strep throat in December and the amount that she butted into his life was ridiculous. I couldn't do it 24/7.

ETA: I love my MIL. She's wonderful when I live at my house and she lives at hers and we visit on the weekends.

angelike81

My Mil came to live with us and it did not turn out well. She ended up moving out while we were out of town. Our cleaning styles where completely different. If I or my pets made a mess I cleaned it up right away and she would let it sit. She ended up getting upset because I would constantly remind her to clean up after herself and to turn off the tv and lights in rooms she was not In. I think as adults we don't like being told what to do but it's my house my rules. I think if you guys would sit down and have a conversation about the dos and don't that it might help. It's going to be hard but since your are living with them you need to respect her rules and her house and if you can't do that then you need to leave because it will put a strain in the relationship. I really loved my mother in law prior to her living with us but not so much anymore. I still care about her and want her happy but I can't deal with her for more than a day

JAP09-02

I didn't live with my inlaws, but did live with my parents for a year when DD turned 8 months.  My situation was a little different because my DH was on rotations all over the country.  Here are my suggestions to making things a little better:

1. I wouldn't assume upfront how they are going to act (good and bad behavior).  

2. Look at the positives (one year isn't that long, you'll be saving a ton of money, extra set of hands, babysitter for nights out if they are willing).

3. I'm guessing you'll both be working? If yes, then you really won't have that many waking hours being underfoot.  Make plans for the weekends to minimize time at their home. 

4. Let your DH deal with any issues that arise.

5. Does your MIL work? To cut on daycare expenses maybe let her watch the child one-two days per week.  That way she'll get her "mothering" feelings out while you aren't there.  Hopefully she'll be tired and ready to turn over all parenting responsibilities to you.  

Some of these may work for you and some may not.  It'll definitely be a learning experience, but based on the fact you actually like your inlaws I think you're off to a better start than most.  Good luck!

Amandysergio

I lived with my in laws for 2 years (financially we were struggling for a while then it took us a bit to save) and I hated every minute of it. I love them much more when I'm not living with them. They are way too controlling and we didn't even have any kids when we were living with them. I can't imagine. Good luck. Hopefully it won't be for long!

letina09

I love my MIL, but I would probably struggle living with his family. And he would struggle living with mine! Just two different environments. If you guys have your own space at their house to get away to (besides a bedroom, maybe a second living area?) it will make it easier.

ChristineG25

Thanks for the responses everyone! Luckily they built an addition on their house awhile back so we will have our own space (living room, bedroom for us and bedroom for baby) so the only space we HAVE to share is the kitchen, but I know it will still be a challenge!

carter604

There's no way I would want to live with my inlaws - we are grown adults. Unless there was a fire or it was very temporary I say you need to make your own way in the world. Can't you look at other ways to save? Give up a car lease, quit eating out, get a studio apartment? You might find you spend extra money trying to get out of the house or shopping to make yourself feel better and negate the savings. If they're wiling to help perhaps they could lend or gift you some down payment money.

mapledonuts

We lived with my parents for about 4 months and it was awful. For all of us. I'm so grateful that they took us in while we moved across country to job search but by the end we all couldn't wait for it to be over. They will always treat you like a child even though you are a grown adult. Not going to lie, it's going to be rough. But sometimes you gotta to do what you gotta do

court476

DH and I live with my in laws for about 6 months right after my son was born. I lkve my in laws. But was both a blessing and a curse... I wouldn't do it again!

ewilson74

If I had to, I could live with my parents. They are easy going and I truly enjoy spending time with them. My mom lived with my sister's family for a year to provide child care.

Could not live with my MIL. I start drinking at least one day before she arrives. Visits are limited to two, sometimes three days. And everybody is walking on eggshells the whole time.

autumnrose26

I've lived with my in laws for almost a year now and likely will continue for the next 6 months-year after baby is born. They are wonderful people but it has been an adjustment for sure. Patience, understanding their perspective, open and respectful communication with hubby, trying to set up and maintain boundaries, and lots of date nights help immensely. Just try to stay positive - there will be plenty of good days and things to be thankful for. If you are able to vent to your husband in a healthy constructive way and he is able to vent to you with you keeping your head on straight and not losing all perspective on them it'll really help a lot. My husband and I got into a rut of complaining about them every chance we got and it took over our conversations and he eventually felt really guilty and torn. I had to take a step back and actively work on the way I spoke about them and practiced just listening to him and supporting him more. Now we talk about things in a much better way. We put our relationship first always, but little things we can do compromise and blend more seamlessly into their way of life without losing our identity and autonomy as a couple we will do just to keep the peace. We don't compromise on things super important to us or our relationship - we just try to be respectful and ask that they do the same. Anything they do that steps on our toes really comes out of love and simply forgetting he is not their little boy anymore so I try not to lose perspective on that

kjuryfl

My daughter and I lived with my in-laws for two weeks while my husband finished his job across the country and I was searching for our current home. It wasn't terrible but I could NEVER do it long term. I need space and privacy. Their home is 1200 sqft and they have 4 dogs.. So between the 4 people and 4 pets (5 people and 7 pets once my husband and pets arrived) it was way too cramped. If we needed to do it out of necessity we could make it work but it wouldn't be ideal.