PgAL check in 1/16/15

ikrystal

Hi ladies.  I hope you and baby have been well this week!  Please feel free to post any questions you may have for each other.  

How far along are you? 

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable).

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

ikrystal

How far along are you? 33 weks

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? NST and BIO in two hours (three times a week now).  Growth scan not for another two weeks. 

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Nothing in particular anymore, although I am just starting to miss margaritas!

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable). We went to a support group at the hospital once, and it just wasn't for us.  They were a great group of people but I realized that I was not in the same mindset as everyone else - I wanted to remember my boys and focus on how to honor their memories, and the support group was just in a different place in their grief. Maybe one day I'll go back. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Waiting for her next growth scan.  I am really hoping for good news so that we can keep her in until at least mid-February. 

BrittianyM

How far along are you?     25 weeks and 2 days

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?       Had my 25 week appointment and Glucose Test yesterday. LO seems good and I passed my Glucose Test! I was worried b/c I felt a little off during it but not to bad. Plus, I am the heaviest I have ever been.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?        Just tired all the time and alot of dreams everynight.

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable).          

After we lost Brooke, we went to a few support group meetings but they really didn't seem to help. I started seeing a Christian Counsler for a while and she did seem to help. I haven't gone in a while but I don't feel I need to right now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?    Just still taking it day by day. I want to start on his nursery but that would mean changing Brooke's room and I am having a hard time with that. It hasn't changed at all since Brooke passed. My DH did build her a "hope chest" to put her things in that will sit at the foot of our bed so all her things will be always in arms reach. He did an amazing job! It's built out of notty pine to match our bedroom set. (pictures do not do it justice)  

bunnybun4

Hi ladies!

@ikrystal -t's and p's for a good appt. today!  still rooting for baby girl!

@brittianym - I LOVE the hope chest!!!  such a great idea.  Sorry you are having a hard time with packing up Brooke's things...I can't imagine.

how far along are you?  7 weeks 1 day

any upcoming appts/milestones?  US next friday

qotw: I was already seeing a therapist when Bunny died and she was extremely helpful to me during those first few months of grieving.  Now I go to 2 different support groups- one for loss and one for IF (but there are loss moms in there too)...I find them both extremely helpful.  For one I like to talk about Bunny and that is really the only arena I have for it.

open topic:  just trying to make it thru first tri...I had a bleeding scare on tues/wed that scared me to death...I was sure I was miscarrying but the Baby looked good with a good heartbeat.  There was zero blood in my uterus...just a little on the outside of my cervix.  I am so glad things are ok but I'm still just scared.  I told myself that once I saw a good HB I could relax a little bit but I can't.

dadalou

How far along are you? 26 weeks 5 days

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Appointment and blood draw on the 27th. Down to appointments every two weeks now.

Nathaniel's 1st birthday is 3 weeks from today.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? No cravings or aversions. 

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way? Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?

I attend the monthly support group at the hospital most months. DH comes with me when he can. We were also attending a weekly support group for the fall but it ended before Christmas. They were both helpful in different ways. The hospital one is a babyloss group so everyone is in somewhat the same situation. It was good for us to see how someone is dealing with their grief several year out. We also made some pretty great new friends. 

The other group was a general grief group. Only one other couple there had lost a child and no one was in anywhere near the same situation. Sometimes it was hard to hear about the memories that people had that we didn't, but I'm glad we went. If nothing else we were able to educate people about babyloss and how often it happens. We also made (and reconnected with) some good friends there. I'm sad that it's done now and we won't see them every Monday night. We are inviting them all to Nathaniel's birthday party though.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I had my blood drawn for my glucose test this week. They also did some other tests I didn't know they were doing. It turns out that my platelets are high. They were with Nathaniel and I had to go to see a specialist to get my blood tested every month. I worry that the high platelets were a symptom of what was going on with Nathaniel and that it is happening with baby girl now too. There is a blood test to check the levels of fetal blood in my blood. I was going to have them start doing it at some point for my peace of mind, but I didn't ask about it at my last appointment. I think I'll have them check it at my next appointment. I know there is probably nothing wrong, but it would make me feel better.

CheesyPeas

How far along are you? 8w2d

 

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? I had my 8 week ultrasound a couple of days ago, and our LO is now measuring right on track or a day or so ahead (up from a couple days behind at my last one), and the heart rate was 170!  So that made me relax a little bit.  My next appointment and ultrasound are in a couple of weeks.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Not really.  I'm getting thicker in the middle, probably due to the progesterone, and I'm tired but that's about the extent of it.

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist? Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason? (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable). I used to go to a group grief group that met monthly at the hospital and was for pregnancy and infant loss.  I found it helpful the first two times I went but the third month was the month of my EDD and I was feeling a lot of anxiety about that.  That happened to be the week that we sat around and talked about someone's vacation to the Dominican and freaking baby goats.  I kept hoping the leaders would circle back to the point of us being there but they didn't until the last 5 minutes of the meeting.  That burned me enough that I haven't been back.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  I've actually been somewhat relaxed since my last ultrasound, which is the first so far this pregnancy since I started off with low progesterone followed by an ultrasound where baby was measuring slightly behind (which my rational side knew was normal but come on, pregnancy after a loss is no place for rational thinking).  Next appointment will put me past my first loss milestone but I can't say milestones mean much to me anymore.

GymSpaz26

How far along are you? 19 weeks 4 days

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? I had my Anatomy Scan and a Midwife appointment yesterday. Baby was all over the place during the ultrasound, which was fun. When we had the ultrasound with Zedekiah he slept through the whole thing. The only time he moved was to uncross his feet at the very end. This baby was turning, punching, scratching his head, all sorts of stuff... No wonder I feel him move so much more than I did with Zedekiah.

We found out baby is a boy. We were both kind of hoping for a girl. I guess we just thought it might make it a tiny bit easier. The more different it can be, the better. I think I was also hoping for a girl in the sense that it would give us the excuse to buy clothes and in a way be able to do more to prepare for baby. We still have almost everything of Zedekiah's, which we'll be using for this baby (other than a couple special things he used). So I kind of feel like I don't really know how to prepare.

Baby measured in the 87th percentile, which is crazy. Both my husband and I are fairly small. Everything looked good except they did find something on his heart that I guess can be a soft marker for Downs Syndrome. We have very low probability and there are no other markers, so most likely it is nothing, but it's there.

We're moving across the state sometime in the next month or so also. So this was probably my last appointment with my midwife before leaving. She delivered our son and has really walked through this with us. We absolutely adore her and she's called to check on us, asked how we're doing emotionally, cried with us. It is hard to think about starting with a new person in a new practice at this point.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?

I still just don't like a lot of foods and am having trouble finding things that sound good to eat. I did gain about 3 pounds over the last 5 weeks though finally. I'm still under where I started the pregnancy, but for the first time am gaining weight. So weird! I think I'd gained like 10 pounds by now the first time! (And yet baby is bigger this time!)

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable).

I've been seeing a counselor since about 3 months after our son died. Usually weekly, but more recently more like every other week or so. It has been really good, but I'm nervous now about moving. I'll probably try and find someone in our new city, but it is always hard to find someone you really connect with. Our son passed away in his sleep of no apparent cause. I know that the closer I get to his birth and then having him home from the hospital is going to be terrifying. I definitely need the support of the counselor. I don't get to have the, once baby's born everything is okay relief that many women do.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?   We still haven't told most people I'm pregnant. I'm getting to the point that I can't really hide it any more though. I wanted to do something like a picture with a little chalkboard that says something like "Little Brother Coming June 2015" that kind of include our son. But now my husband doesn't want to share that it is a boy yet! The few people who do know are going crazy because they knew I had the ultrasound, but now my hubby doesn't want me to tell them it's a boy!

shandorfml2

Hi ladies! TGIF

How far along are you? 26w2d

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?Just had one today. I now begin my weekly check ups, and weekly ultrasounds! Next Fri I have an u/s and another OB appointment. We scheduled my C-section for 37 weeks, so happy and relieved. I just got a message that it had been scheduled so I called back and of course she wasn't there, so waiting for a call back with my date! So exciting. I feel like things are finally happening . Also doing my GTT this week, yuck.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?Tired, aches and pains. I have a touch of a cold which is not fun 

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable). I started therapy right after I lost Ana. I knew how important it would be (I'm a therapist). I continued to see her approx. every other week to once a month depending on how things were going. Since I've become pregnant, and my Mom's passed, I am back to seeing her more frequently. It is really helpful and I would recommend it. I did attend a support group for loss mamas, and that was really helpful after my loss. A lot of those Moms have had rainbows, and we keep intending to get together for an informal PGAL group but we haven't.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Excited that we are starting to make plans and it's feeling real!  

shandorfml2

@BrittianyM LOVE the hope chest idea. It's beautiful ! Congrats on passing your GTT. I've been working on the nursery, and it is hard to change it. It's been the same since we finished putting it together for Ana. I finally moved her girly stuff out of there last week, and it was hard. BUT we are keeping some of her things, and I really see it as a nursery for both my children, and we'll have memorial items of hers in there with him

@ikrystal I hope she stays put for a little longer! Are you working? three times a week is tough! I will be doing that as well, once they add in NSTs.

@bunnybun4 I am glad that things are going well. Hopefully your next u/s will relieve even more anxiety!

@GymSpaz26 Congrats on team blue, even though you were hoping for a girl. ((hugs))) GL with finding a new provider, that would be hard. Hopefully you click as well with the new one as you did with the old.

msunshine123

How far along are you? 19 weeks

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Anatomy scan Wednesday:)

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? fruity and sugary things still and I want all the food

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable). Support groups have been very helpful to us - we did one in the state we were living in before we moved. We found one in our current state - we miss our old group which we think was better, but are happy to have a group here. We met with a therapist after our son died and found one in our current area, but haven't gone lately.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just wish I could fast forward to Wednesday. Also a friend from my loss group shared this with me and I think it's great: https://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com

msunshine123

@ikrystal - hope your little girl continues to do well and that the NST and BIO went well.
@BrittanyM - I love Brooke's hope chest - it's beautiful! Yay for passing the glucose test!
@bunnybun4 - sorry you had the scare, but I'm glad your LO is doing well. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is very boring. ((hugs))
@dadalou - thinking of you as Nathaniel's birthday approaches. I say do whatever you need to do to have any peace of mind during your pregnancy - blood draws...
@CheasyPeas - glad your LO is doing great and that you feel a little relaxed after your appointment.
@GymSpaz26 - congratulations on the news of a boy. I'm glad you got to see him and that he is doing really well:) It's hard thinking about telling people about the pregnancy. When we do share that we are pregnant my husband and I want to include our son too.
@shandorfml2 - glad your appointment went well and that you are all set with your c-section date. Just a few more weeks!

ikrystal

Hi all..my Internet is out so I'm mobile right now. Apologies if the formatting sucks and I have typos!!

@BrittianyM I haven't heard of going to a Christian counselor, that sounds interesting. I had a hard time starting this nursery too because I didn't want to changet what we had for the twins. We ended up buying them their own dresser to put their things away. I love the hope chest. What a great idea, and it looks very well made!

@bunnybun4 I'm glad the support groups help and that you still go. I often think of going to infertility support groups as well and I may when we do another FET. I'm happy to hear that you saw the hb after the bleeding scare, but so wish you didn't have a scare in the first place.

@dadalou that's so wonderful that you made friends through those support groups (and good friends who you can invite to Nathaniels party!). We get so few opus to connect with ppeople like that. I am sorry to hear about the high platelets. Thinking of you as Nathaniel's birthday approaches and hoping that the high platelets do not cause issues for baby girl.

@CheesyPeas I would be frustrated too! You come all the way to a grief group aND don't talk about loss until the last 5 minutes... I'm so sorry. Like I mentioned before, its hard to get good support. I hope that doesn't happen again, if you decide to go back. FX for a great next appointment.

@GymSpaz26 congrats on having a boy! I know you are having difficulties finding ways to prepare, but I think you'll be able to find special things to do as the pregnancy goes on. Good luck with your move. I can only imagine trying to do all that while pregnant! Hats off to you. And sending lots of love and strength... I know it'll be hard for you to relax for awhile once you bring your baby home. I hope that you have a ton of support throughout all of this. And we are all here if you need us.

@shandorfml2 glad to hear support groups and therapy help! And wow they scheduled you already!!! I'm excited to hear the date, if you are sharing that information. It must really make this seem so real! Good luck with your GTT. I feel like many of us just had it or are having it soon. Yuck, indeed.

Also, I work part time from home (self employed) so it actually works out really well for me. Three times a week is still a lot, but I'll do whatever I need to for a healthy baby. Plus, it calms my nerves down a lot since I'm going frequently or check on her.

@msunshine123 thanks for sharing that link! Ill check it out once my internet decides to stop sucking. And glad to hear you found a new support group, although bummer you don't like it as much as your old one. FX for a great A/S! Please update us after

shandorfml2

@ikrystal You are totally right, it is worth it! My work seems to be understanding as well. I got my call and my c-section is scheduled for April 2nd! I was suprised they were scheduling it so early as well, but they wanted to guarantee it would be my OB! Works for me!  

ikrystal

shandorfml2 April 2nd!!!!  Congrats on having a date - it is sneaking up!  I'm glad they scheduled it early so that you could have your OB. The practice I go to has two OBs, and I love them both, but I definitely have a preference for one of them. It must feel so real now that you have a date!!!  

Maybe Joleisa

How far along are you? 10w

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Next appointment will be the NT scan on 2/4.

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? I have a low level of nausea that lasts throughout the day, as well as monster burps. Surely monster burps are a symptom, right? I'm usually a lady about things like that, but these days the louder I burp, the better I feel.  \:D/ Cravings: cheese and carbs. Aversions: vegetables and meat (unless it is ground beef or ground turkey)

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist? Has it helped you in any way? Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason? I reached out to a couple therapists soon after our loss, but never followed through. I'm sure it would've been (and still might be) helpful, but it is not something I'm looking into any longer. I did attend a 4-day grief retreat a few weeks after our loss and I think that helped me a lot. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Anthony & Benjamin's angelversary is next week and my mind is playing the what-if game with me. I used to relive January 26th over and over again trying to pick up clues (of my cervix silently & quickly dilating), but there were no clues so I engage in this circular talk with myself. 

Another thing on my mind is a friend who gave birth to her 2nd daughter a couple weeks before I delivered. I never got the chance to see her before our loss and to this day I have not met her daughter. I feel guilty, though in reality I know my friend understands and is probably just grateful she's not me. I never got to give her a gift for the baby last year, so I'm thinking I'll send something this week as a belated 1st birthday gift.

shandorfml2

@maybe jolesia GL with your NT scan, and getting through the boys' first birthday. ((hugs))

Mel&John2013

I just wanted to stop in and say I'm sorry I missed check in this week! I'm traveling for work and can only hop on for a couple minutes at a time. But I'm thinking of all you ladies and sending love!

ikrystal

Maybe Joleisa I've looked into grief retreats as well and they look like they give a lot of support to people who need it.  I'm glad you found that it helped you.  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as the boys' angelversary comes up. Let us know if you need anything. 

Mel&John2013 No apologies necessary!  Thank you for stopping in.  Hope all is well with you and Harrison. 

erinel

I am terrible about responding to this thread when I'm not at work!  Sorry!

How far along are you? 34 weeks

Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Not this week

Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Just tired and continuing with terrible indigestion.

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable).

Oh yes!  We started going to a therapist right away, like within a couple of weeks.  At first we went every week, then it tapered off some, and after five or six months stopped for a little bit.  Lately we've been going back, I think it's good before the new baby comes.

I also go to two different support groups.  One meets monthly, and it is for women who have lost babies to miscarriage, late term loss, or infant death.  The other group meets twice a month and is for parents who have lost children, so it could be an infant or a 25 year old.  That group is for men and women,  so DH and I both go, but we separate for the actual meetings.

I do a lot of sharing!

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I am feeling like baby girl is going to be here any day, and I'm just not ready!  I don't really have reason to think she is going to be early, except that my son was born at 35.4, so I'm paranoid thinking she will come early too.  I just REALLY can't imagine having to go back to the NICU, even if it's for a much different reason, I just don't know how I could handle it.  Q didn't really have to be in the NICU before he got sick, so I am hopeful that if L can hold off for at least two more weeks that we can avoid it and I'll be fine.  We will see!

msunshine123

@Maybe Joleisa - your grief retreat experience sounds great. I laughed when I read about your monster burps. I'll be thinking of you with Anthony and Benjamin angelversary next week. ((hugs))
@erinel - I'll be praying for you and L  - that L stays put a little longer so you don't have to worry about the NICU.

DH and I I found out today we are having a baby girl:)

hsabyan

I'm a little late to the show this week! Ooops. 

How far along are you? 

9weeks, 4 days.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
My 12 week appt and NT screen is on Feb. 10th.  I did get to see the little gummy person I'm growing last week at my first appointment.  Baby is exactly on track for growth and had a strong 164bpm heartbeat. I had thought seeing the heartbeat would change my frame of mind, and it was comforting to see- but I just feel so disconnected. 
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
I'm mostly just tired.  Some nausea, but less than my first pregnancy. I did buy three different kinds of gummy candy last weekend though... that was pretty important (gummy peach rings, sour gummy worms, and gummy life savers). 

QOTW: Do you attend a support group or see a therapist?  Has it helped you in any way?Would you recommend going to one? If you haven't, is there a specific reason?  (I also realize how personal this question is, so no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable).
I haven't done either.  My husband and I attended a memorial ceremony in October that the Children's hospital puts on for baby loss families, and it was nice (candle lighting, dove release, comforting words/music), but I just haven't felt the need to go any further.  My husband is a great release for me when I'm having a particularly rough day, which I am so thankful for. I'm pretty effective at internalizing my feelings and working through them.  I feel like I'm adjusting relatively well without intervention.  I totally get why people seek out support groups and the like though, it's why I come to this board- I am just not good with talking with strangers (ya know, in real life...). 
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I've been thinking more and more about whether the baby will be a boy or a girl.  My pregnancy feels so much different than my first, which makes me feel like it's a boy.  And then I feel sad, because I have an entire nursery of little girl clothes and things that won't be used.  I had always told my husband that all I ask is that I have a girl first- then after that, it didn't matter.. because I was scared I would end up being the woman who keeps trying for a girl and has a minivan full of boys instead. I feel guilty that I thought that way and scared that it would be true... because I got my baby girl- but only for 40 days.  I feel like a terrible person for even caring if it's a boy or a girl- I know that whatever comes, I will love this baby just as I love my firstborn...but it will definitely be something to work myself through. I feel like that was a babbling mess and I apologize if it rubs anyone the wrong way. 

BrittianyM- I love your hope chest! It's beautiful! I'm completely jealous.

shandorfml2- April 2nd is a good date.  Georgia's bday is April 1st (4/1/14) 

GymSpaz26-Good luck with your move- I imagine it's going to be hard to start over with a new provider for the remainder of your pregnancy.  I love your idea for announcing your pregnancy- we're also including our daughter in ours (I think we'll announce after my 2/10 appointment). 

ikrystal

erinel Glad to hear that the therapy and group meetings helped!  All of this positive feedback about therapy makes me want to go.  Also, sending lots of prayers that baby girl does not come early.  34 weeks is a great milestone, though.  Keep growing, baby girl!

msunshine123 Congrats on having a baby girl!!! How exciting  what a sweet addition to the family!

hsabyan Glad to hear the HB is strong.  It is normal to feel disconnected when you are PgAL. I felt that way for awhile. I hope that changes for you soon, though. The memorials that hospitals have are nice - ours have had a couple since our sons passed away, and they gave us some comfort. I also understand having a preference for a gender - I think many of us do, and we want different genders for a myriad of reasons.  But you are right - you will love this baby no matter what

msunshine123

@hsabyan - glad your LO had a strong HB. It's hard thinking about the child you lost and the new baby you currently have and I think it's normal to feel so many emotions thinking about the gender. I lost my son and we just learned we are expecting a girl. First we are just thrilled to be having a baby again and second we are so happy for this little girl and our future with her. But learning the gender did make me miss my son too because I never got to see him grow up and part of me wonders if I'll ever have a son again. ((hugs))