Hello Lovelies

rubysi

There has been a lot of change the last few days and not much of it good. We have lost many good, caring and supportive members and for a fleeting moment I wondered if this would be a good time to make my exit. 

   

 But for the past 16 months this has been my safe place.

   

 My go to when I wasn't quite right in the head.

   

My place to bitch about my day, and my actual thoughts on my ttc struggles so not to burden my dh with my obsessive thoughts...you know what I am talking about ( you're probably thinking about those test strips right now).

 

I have made this my home and depend on you way more than I should. I know I am not alone. So I think I will stay for now. We will need to make this a comfortable, supportive and safe place again. I respect the silence, I feel the loss, but we/I need this community and it serves a healthy and helpful purpose. When the silence has come to an end let's regroup and see what we need. Did we lose check-in leaders? Do we need something light hearted? I will be drinking and posting by 7 pm Pacific time. 

Hugs for everyone!

 

Nikolie93

Hey @rubysi. I also had a fleeting thought that I would move on as well. 

Like you, I am torn. I still can't believe this is impacting me as much as it is because I really haven't been around long. But you guys have been my rock since my 3rd loss in October and I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. 

Even with all of this going on I am finding it hard to walk away from here. I feel bad for the ones that are left behind that need support, especially any new people. I try to be active on the miscarriage/loss board because not many people are there and those ladies REALLY need support. It's the place they go with they recently or are in the middle of miscarrying. Sometimes it's their first time talking about it to someone other then their SO. 

It angers me that I am put in this position because of the way things were handled. I know that this forum is a revenue generator for them but we are real people that have been through really shitty times. 

It pisses me the hell off that to be here to continue supporting those that need it also gives them the traffic they need to continue making money. 

So, I guess I am here for now. 

rmpar29

I'm still here, but also there.  I am torn as well.  This was our safe place but just doesn't feel very safe anymore.  I feel sorry for the newbies that need support and won't find it here, which is one reason I keep coming back to this board.  On the other hand, I do not support what's happened and feel like a hypocrite for continuing to post here.  Sigh...this community's been torn to shreds and this has impacted me so much more than I thought it would. 

meredithcarole

My thoughts are a bit against the grain. I don't believe things by XO were handle in a totally transparent and upfront manner, but I am willing to listen to @PetraStonegirl‌ and @Rumbera28‌ when they say despite all the various rumors running rampant, the truth is not there in its entirety.

What I know is that what we do has value. It serves as a safe place as others have mentioned, we form friendships and bonds (and like many, I have been saddened by the departures, both voluntary and not), and we provide knowledge and experience for those who don't know what to think or do. When the women who have newly had their world crash down on them come seeking solace and understanding, we are there. Not with puppies and rainbows (unless it is @rubysi's Morning Giggles), but with real, pertinent information. Some may not like our straight shooting style, but we tell it like it is and if they don't care for it they don't have to stay.

I will stay, I never considered leaving. My journey is no where near done. I need all of you. And I hope that I provide the support and strength that you all need, too.

ETA: clarity

Ann612

I get we don't have the full story, but here's what I know for sure:  

1) At least one good, caring mod who volunteered her time here was banned.  

2) In retaliation for the "silence" boards, we were limited in our ability to post.

That's really enough for me.  It feels like Big Brother is watching.  

meredithcarole

I get we don't have the full story, but here's what I know for sure:  

1) At least one good, caring mod who volunteered her time here was banned.  

2) In retaliation for the "silence" boards, we were limited in our ability to post.

That's really enough for me.  It feels like Big Brother is watching.  

I hate to point it out, but we are on a public forum operated by a publicly traded company. Big brother may not be watching everything, but he is paying attention. What I can say regarding the trolls, haters, et al is: 

 Because I don't grant it. 

 ETA: mobile GIF fail - fine Universe, I will pull my lazy ass out of bed...

Rachaeleigh

Thank God some of you ladies are back...I missed you.
I do completely agree that things might not have been handled in a completely up front manner but like others, I'm going to trust Petra when she says we dont know everything and that our dynamics here probably won't change much.
I understand the silence, especially initially. Many of the ladies that I respect on this board participated both times and for that, I have zero judgment or opinion.
All I'm saying is that it was damn lonely the last few days. I really don't give a shit if people are watching. I'm sure they always have.
So, I'm staying here because I need support.
Period. And I'll keep trying to give support as well

mrswheelo

@rubysi‌ , I'm glad that you have (for now) decided to stay. Like @meredithcarole‌ , my journey is far from over and have leaned on the members here to help me heal. I would be lost without the guidance of the amazing women of this community and hope that many stay and continue to help those old and new needing that safe feeling. And hopefully not much changes in the way that we do that.

Also, I LMAO at the invisible pregnancy test gif. That cat..... Thanks for lightening my mood this morning

MrsG80inTN

I'm torn too... But I feel like if I had to go through this mess of 4 miscarriages and I received so much support, I need to be able to give support to people who need it too.  I'm not sure the new place will offer a way for newbies to find us and I don't want to leave people hanging... So, for now I'm going to lurk, try to post (I'm starting a new job at work in 2 weeks and am in crazy time right now any way) and I'll probably lurk at the new place and just see what I think.

I adore all of you ladies and know that I need the support of both the regulars and the newbies... if that makes sense?!!?

MrsG80inTN

Rcvb22 - I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday.  Sending you so many hugs.  Unfortunately you never know when to expect a rough day... they just hit you like a bag of cement.  

rmpar29

@Rcvb22 - so many ((((HUGS)))  Those days just have a way of sneaking up on you and boy do they suck!

aswedishbee

Looks like we're all on the page page, or at least overlapping on some points. 

AFM: I would like to see what these changes actually bring to the forum aspect of the site. This board is what we make it and I'm willing to stick it out and try to keep it a safe, open & honest place. 

Sending many Happy Friday { h u g s } to all of you!

scrang74

I'm glad to see you ladies sticking it out here. I agree with everything PPs have said. This was a safe place, my safe place. The place I went when no one else got me and thought I was "over" my 1st loss. It is unfortunate that things changed so drastically and quickly, but I have faith that it will be a safe place again with you ladies at the helm. I'm staying and hoping to learn so much more from your experiences and to help new members.

Littleowl913

Since last night I've been staring at this page contemplating whether or not I should stay (I already decided I couldn't leave the loss board). Then I see @Rcvb22 and I can't help but give ((hugs))!

CC1017

I want to stay so I'm happy to see others are staying too. This has been a rough few days, and I still don't quite get what happened, but I've been feeling a little lost without the board.  ((Hugs))

renegadewhit

rmpar29 said:

I'm still here, but also there.  I am torn as well.  This was our safe place but just doesn't feel very safe anymore.  I feel sorry for the newbies that need support and won't find it here, which is one reason I keep coming back to this board.  On the other hand, I do not support what's happened and feel like a hypocrite for continuing to post here.  Sigh...this community's been torn to shreds and this has impacted me so much more than I thought it would. 

THIS. I'm here and there. That may become unmanageable at some point, but for now it's ok.

Ann612

crimpgirl said:

I get we don't have the full story, but here's what I know for sure:  

1) At least one good, caring mod who volunteered her time here was banned.  

2) In retaliation for the "silence" boards, we were limited in our ability to post.

That's really enough for me.  It feels like Big Brother is watching.  

They were always watching, the ability has always been there. It's just only been this week that we've seen it executed. The difference to Big Brother is that you had no choice to participate.

Ok, so remove my last line.  Still enough.  

meredithcarole

LDubHawksFan said:

@rubysi‌ I'll miss you.

Wait, I thought @rubysi said she is staying (for now)? Did I miss something?

lcwed

Another on the fence person.  I'm so glad some people are staying.  I just found this place and cannot bear to lose it.  With all the PMs not working, I was feeling so lost.  I hate all the wonderful people we have lost and feel so bad for them, but also need someplace to go.  I hope the ones who remain can keep this the wonderful safe place it was.

Menrandes

I've been torn personally. I find myself lurking here and posting there. I think ultimately I will be back because even if the boards are less than ideal, the community still needs to be here for those that need it.
I don't like what has happened and I'm not sure how things will change, but people will need us either way.

Frenchteachermama

Hey ladies.  I'm staying too.  This has been my home for almost 18 months and I want to stay.  For now I'm looking at this as the inner city teacher I am.  The teachers and the kids are the important parts of my life and the administration comes and goes.  And I don't mean Petra, she is the best!

rubysi

meredithcarole said:

@rubysi‌ I'll miss you.

Wait, I thought @rubysi said she is staying (for now)? Did I miss something?

Yes, I am sticking around.

mcodea88

I'm staying.  I barely know what the heck happened to begin with but it appears we won't ever really know.  I'm sorry some people were banned who were apparently very good people.  That really sucks.  But I'm not leaving because I need this place.  I need you people.  When I logged in yesterday and saw all the silence posts, I wanted to cry.  I'm hoping things calm down and go back to normal soon. I'm staying!  

negritosmami

Ditto what many said. Although I disagree with what was done...this is the place that I find most comforting. The other site on my phone just is too all over the place and right now I just appreciate the familiar. I really hope all of this somehow works itself out. Ill be here in the meantime

nikiswimr

I agree with @rubysi‌.

I'm saddened by what happened to our community and not exactly sure how this will all play out. While I'm still relatively a newbie, this place has been my home for the last four months. I don't think I would've made it through some tough moments after my loss without the support of these wonderful women.

So while I don't agree with how things were handled, I'm willing to trust @PetraStonegirl‌ that we don't know the whole story. I'm going to stick around for you ladies but also for those who may need the support of this board in the future and are feeling lost like I was.

meredithcarole

mcodea88 said:

I'm staying.  I barely know what the heck happened to begin with but it appears we won't ever really know.  I'm sorry some people were banned who were apparently very good people.  That really sucks.  But I'm not leaving because I need this place.  I need you people.  When I logged in yesterday and saw all the silence posts, I wanted to cry.  I'm hoping things calm down and go back to normal soon. I'm staying!  

@mcodea88 just FYI your red avatar had me thinking you had been banned until I looked closer!  Eek!

Nikolie93

Same here, @meredithcarole‌ !

negritosmami

Soooo are we allowed to do both or nah??? I love everyone and if we're split up then I wanna do what it takes to chat with everyone...thats ok right?

negritosmami

@PetraStonegirl‌ yaaay..in my head I kept hearin "the friend of my enemy is my enemy" or however that saying goes lol glad to kno we can do both.

O2girl

@rubysi‌
Thanks for such a great post. I think there are a number of us who feel as you do. Personally, I am waiting for the dust to settle so to speak. I've been here almost a year, and while I'm angry over the treatment of a number of members and the lack of transparency by TB.... This has been a lovely home for me. Honestly, although the TOU really hit some of the other boards pretty hard, I don't know that they will affect us because I feel we have always governed ourselves on TTCAL with respect for each other. Of course if the hammer comes down over my use of my favorite word
I may feel different and say "toodaloo motherfuckers" to TB gods


But I will let all you ladies know before hand.

Also... @rubysi I'm a west coastian also and will be drunk by 1900 so I will see your happy drunk ass here at 1900

rmpar29

@PetraStonegirl- you always say it best. I hope everyone posts wherever they feel comfortable and if you want to post on both then go for it. I know we've definitely lost some of our check-in leaders. Some will only be posting on the dark side. I guess we will just wait until Monday to see who we have. We can always post the other months and see if anyone left for them 

mcodea88

Oh my! Time to change my avatar! Picked that when I first joined TB.

Elliecat17

Ladies I too am on the fence. I will probably be on both sides for now, because I want to be there for the new people who will need support just like I did when i first came here 8 months ago. But I am still also in need of support, and a lot of the answers moved with the ladies who have more experience, and are in the same parts of their journey that I am. This place has become the place I go to, the people I can talk to, and my sanity. I am saddened by what has happened, but I also understand it, and hope like @Petrastonegirl there will someday be a world where we cross post, and that there will be lots of CAH. I also think that because this board was strong and we dealt with many of this stuff earlier in November and December that there may come a time when people begin to feel safe again, but I also am realistic, and think that many will continue to look over their shoulder in fear. Nonetheless, I am here and on the other side, and I love you all!!!