Interesting situation

violetmarie61516

So I have an interesting situation that my best friend and her husband want to give us a baby. She's said her entire life that she would do whatever she could do help me to get a family and she would have children for me or carry. They are willing to get pg and carry and then we would adopt their child. Or, they are also willing to do inseminations with my husband's sperm and get pregnant.  I don't know how that would work once the baby is born in terms of me adopting and such.  Has anyone been in this situation before?  Even if it wasn't a known donor, have you adopted through a traditional surrogacy type situation?

bumpuser794640

You may want to check out the third party reproduction board!

hey_its_jenn

Ditto Gnome, the 3rd Party board may have more information.  Good luck! 

CarolinaGirl2014

How exciting! I also recommend third party. They're also fun and supportive.

As a birthmom, I have to discourage against her conceiving with her husband for you to adopt. I knew adoption was my choice from ridiculously early on. I chose A's parents around 20 weeks. It didn't even feel like a choice, because I felt she had been given to me to carry for them. In many ways, I felt like a surrogate. But when she came out she was still my baby, my flesh and blood. I can only imagine that surrogacy is painful, but nothing like being a birthmom. Even if it's her plan and choice, I would recommend conceiving with your husband's sperm for the sake of your friend and friendship. Also, that way you can draw up legal documents that are illegal if she is birthmom.

I'm sorry if the advice is unwanted. I felt I had to share my opinion. Best of luck to you and keep us updated!

violetmarie61516

Thank you so much for the information @carolinagirl2014  I was really looking more for adoption advice that's why I posted here and not the 3rd party board.  If she got pregnant with my husband's sperm, I would have to adopt.  Our state doesn't allow surrogacy so there would be no legal documents until after birth.  Then she would relinquish rights and I could adopt from there.  Correct me if I'm wrong.  Plus, I do understand she would have the right to change her mind.

WannaBmomma

We did this! My sister in law and her bf asked us to adopt the unborn baby last year. It was an amazing experience! It's an emotional road. We went to every dr appointment and she always told me it was my baby. She loved us enough to want to see us have the family we desperately wanted.

Check with an attorney about your state laws on this type of adoption. Our state doesn't recognize third party reproduction so we did a private adoption.

PM me any time if you like. It is an emotional ride and is stressful even with the closeness of you two. It will be hard for her too after delivery and she will need your support.

Good luck!

CarolinaGirl2014

Love4Labs326 said:

Thank you so much for the information @carolinagirl2014  I was really looking more for adoption advice that's why I posted here and not the 3rd party board.  If she got pregnant with my husband's sperm, I would have to adopt.  Our state doesn't allow surrogacy so there would be no legal documents until after birth.  Then she would relinquish rights and I could adopt from there.  Correct me if I'm wrong.  Plus, I do understand she would have the right to change her mind.

That's tough. I'm sorry your state doesn't recognize third party reproduction. I don't know your situation or friend but I still highly recommend using your husbabd's sperm. It may help her feel more like a surrogate since the baby would be genetically connected to your family instead of her and her husbabd's. I just know that she has no idea of what she's going to go through and I'd hate to see her change her mind or her grief end up ruining her and your friendship.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic. I do think it can be done and end beautifully. Could you all go to a counselor that specializes in third party reproduction to discuss options?

violetmarie61516

@WannaBmomma  Thanks so much for sharing!  I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this type of situation.  It does sound like your sister got pregnant unexpectedly and then allowed you to adopt.  Our situation is a little different in the fact that my friend isn't pregnant yet.  We are pre-arranging this.