New Here *Child mentioned, possible siggy warning

Greco1014

Hi everyone,

  I have been trying for a second baby since November 2013. DH and I conceived LO#1 very quickly, and we started for #2 O I never dreamed how hard this was going to be. We tried for months with no luck, and finally I went to my doctor for help. She ran some tests, didn't find much, but decided she wanted to start me on Clomid. She gave me the prescription. Before I could fill it, I got pregnant (on the twelfth month of trying). Unfortunately, I lost that pregnancy about a week after getting the BFP.

I went through about a month of depression and anxiety, and then DH and I started trying again. THis month, I thought maybe we had done it. My period was late (and actually kind of still is). But then I remembered that I might have ovulated late, and yesterday I took a test and got a BFN. 

I know I'm lucky to already have one healthy kid--believe me, I do know that. But trying and failing to have a second baby has been one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced. I feel like I'm failing, and I'm also failing my son because I wanted to give him a sibling. I quit my job about six months ago to stay home with my son, and the plan has always been that I would stay home for a little while, have a second baby, and then go back to work when the youngest starts preschool. I had hoped to be pregnant when I quit my job, but even though I wasn't, I though I would still get out of there and probably would get pregnant soon after (I was a teacher, so it made sense to go at the end of the school year). Now, I'm seriously wondering what I'm going to do...if I should go back to work sooner, etc.  It's all just such a big mess, and I don't have many people I can talk about this with IRL. My DH tries, but he just can't comfort me the way I need. He never knows what to say.

When my period officially comes, I'm going to call my doctor and ask her about the Clomid again. She also recommended a Hysterosalpingogram before my pregnancy/miscarriage, so I'm going to see if I should still do that to.

Sorry, I don't mean to sit here and whine to all of you who are also going through this... I just don't know what else to do right now. I just feel really lost...

Greco1014

My DH did get an SA: checked out mostly fine, although the doctor recommended that he get it redone just to be sure.

You both have given me a lot to think about, though. Looks like I've got some more research ahead of me...

Greco1014

I really, really appreciate everyone's kind words.

Yes, we do plan on doing the SA again. DH isn't excited about it but he gets why it needs to be done.

I wasn't sure if I was going to do the HSG or not, but I feel like I've got some of my thoughts in order now and I do think that's a good next step. I need a referral from my regular doc for insurance reasons, so I already called up and made an appointment with him. While there, I plan to pick his brain about the clomid and ask about an RE (he would prob need to officially refer me to the RE anyway). Since we've been TTC for over a year, I don't think an RE is premature. I'm 34, BTW...not super old, but not too young, either...

I have been hesitant about doing too much google research because I've definitely been sent into an unnecessary panic by that before, by I do appreciate the "less alarmist" tone here. Thanks! 

Remylove1011

I agree with PP's on seeing and RE and having the HSG before beginning treatment. From your follow-up post it sounds like you have a good plan in place. Good luck!

SND1231

PP have given great advice. I just wanted to say sorry for your loss and welcome.

Greco1014

Thanks, everyone!

BunnyBerry

So sorry for your loss.

Congrats on your son, but I'm so sorry about the trouble you're having conceiving this time around. Secondary infertility is also painful.

HSG is a definite necessity before doing treatments. Monitoring while on potentially dangerous fertility meds is, too. Sounds like it is a great time to start working with an RE to make sure your health is being taken care of and you get the best treatment.

As far as the plans to raise kids and then go back to teaching...I just want to encourage you to try and take it one day at a time. I feel crazy sometimes because my plan was to have several kids in my 20s, and only be a teacher for a few years before becoming a SAHM. Whelp, almost 30 now and nary a BFP in sight - and in my 7th year of teaching, which makes me really frustrated. It's hard to think about how my plans were messed up. But the reality is, you have plenty of time to decide whether or when to return to teaching as your son gets older. At this moment it's just not possible to know if or when you will have a second child, so try not to worry about whether it will be close enough together to just stay out of work, or whether it will be a longer break between kids and you will want to go back to teaching - there's time to see. Perhaps hold off on those decisions until your district's hiring season starts?

home2sara

I agree with the others. I am also new to this but getting an HSG is very important and insightful and meeting with an RE will take your TTC to the next step. It makes me sad to hear so many OBGYN's are prescribing fertility drugs. I wish you lots of luck and hopefully you will get all your answers from an RE.