Medical History Update

alishakay

So we were contacted by our agency yesterday that there have been some changes to the birth parents family medical history. Mind you LO is 5 months old. I'm told that birth parents can make updates whenever, which is fine and definitely in some cases understandable as some things may come up as life goes on. #1 birthmothers brother was diagnosed with ADHD, he's well into his 30s if not early 40s. #2 birthmothers daughter has bipolar (although they didn't disclose if it is I or II), she is 25. I guess I'm trying to make a point that neither of these are a recent diagnosis. And quite honestly after being around her daughter, I kind of have drawn my own conclusion to that. I love her but she has some issues! Do you think they would purposefully withhold this info from us? And it 100% doesn't matter at this point, because I'm not giving him back, lol, but does anyone have any experience, is this a genetic disease that may carry over to him? He and his older sibling do not share the same father. Does an environment contribute to these diseases, as I know neither of them were subject to the best environment. Input welcome!

alishakay

I did ask the agency why I am just now being told this, that was their response that the birth parents can update records at any time. The reason I speculate about withholding the info is because we have had very close contact and I know birthmom talks to her brother on a regular basis along with her daughter. I actually talk to her daughter regularly as well, thus me already knowing something was a little off. I know it doesn't matter at this point, and I'm more concerned about his risks, just kind of rubbed me the wrong way because we've had plenty of conversations about her family and their situation. I will definitely talk to our ped at his 6 month check up. Thanks for the input:)

CarolinaGirl2014

Your child's Birthmother COULD have been too afraid to disclose before. I remember being terrified that something would stop A from getting the family she deserved. I disclosed limited info at first and then more detailed info later (before placement but after match and getting close enough to truly trust them). It may have been wrong, but I would do anything all over again for my baby's well-being.

Also, adult diagnosis is not unheard of. My dear friend was dishnosed recently with ADHD as an adult. Same with my father and bipolar syndrome. There can be a genetic component but so much is nurture and one's own brain chemistry. My Dad and both grandparents had it but neither myself nor my two siblings have it in the slightest.

She may not have even thought of it in her time of severe crisis but could have occurred to her some time while thinking in the last few months.

My advice is assume the best always when it comes to his birth family :-)

alishakay

I'm pretty sure you're 100% correct in stating she may have been afraid, it's just my gut feeling about the situation. And again it doesn't matter now and I doubt it would have mattered then. I am glad I know regardless of how or when I'm finding out so that I can be proactive as stated. I just want to trust just as much as be trusted.

CarolinaGirl2014

alishakay said:

I'm pretty sure you're 100% correct in stating she may have been afraid, it's just my gut feeling about the situation. And again it doesn't matter now and I doubt it would have mattered then. I am glad I know regardless of how or when I'm finding out so that I can be proactive as stated. I just want to trust just as much as be trusted.

I would say trusting someone else to be your child's parent is the ultimate form of trust. I'm not trying to be mean or confrontational but it's impossible to understand the fear, pain, and complete state of panic and crisis that goes into making a plan to send your baby home with someone else to be their Mom unless you've been there. It goes against every fiber of your being. I'm sorry you didn't have this information before, but it could have been something she didn't even think of due to fear and grief. Make sense? I think it says a lot that she did send it through now instead of sitting on it.

Edit due to grammatical mistake.

alishakay

Oh I understand what you're getting at, well not technically because I have never chose adoption for a child of mine, but I get that there are fears and grief, to what extent of course not. I kind of feel as if our agency maybe knew this info, I would blame them more than her anyways if that were the case. I'm not blaming her though. There are a lot of fears that go into adopting a child as well. I was told in the beginning when completing the child characteristics portion, "don't feel bad about the decisions you have to make, this is the only time in your life that you can choose what child you get". With that being said, if these things were known we should have had the option to decide if that was something we were willing to take on. It would not be okay for me to not disclose certain information about our family in order to get placement. In the end I'm glad I know and I wouldn't change a thing, just wanted some opinions. I do appreciate your responses!!

CarolinaGirl2014

In that case, I would absolutely talk to the agency. They are not in a state of crisis and and know better than to not disclose medical history. It's not good practice in my opinion.

WannaBmomma

The forms the birth parents fill out are just as lengthy as ours in my state. It's an emotional time and perhaps she was overwhelmed and forgot to write those down and went back and updated the files.

I have bipolar in my family. Several of my dads sisters have it. Genetics maybe? Learned behaviors, perhaps? I think both contribute a little. It's the whole nature vs nurture thing.

My 5 month old sweet baby girl has a temper a mile long. Guess who else does? Her birthmom. When she is gassy she holds her breath and farts like her brother lol When she is curious she cocks her eyebrows like her birthfather. That's genetics. Baby girl laughs just like me. She even sleeps on her side just like me and cuddles in a blanket like her daddy.

I think both play a factor in it. Try not to worry too much and hold tight to your little one!

WannaBmomma

At first she may have feared she and the baby would be rejected because there was something "wrong" with him or her. There could be lots of reasons. Glad she did add it though