So Discouraged--month 5-6 TTC

irishgoth8822

My husband and I have been married since 9/14 and have been TTC since day 1. We were both sexually inactive prior to the wedding. We are both 25 and I have no apparent health issues or problems with my cycle. I have never been on BC. I have always been very aware of my body, so I had a very good idea of when I was fertile each month prior to and since we've been married, and I've been charting for going on two months now (including temping). 

But nothing is happening. We are BD'ing for nearly 2.5 weeks to get the time before and after ovulation (basically from the last day of my period until a week or so after ovulation), just in case, using Preseed, I'm taking prenatals and he's trying to eat foods rich in anti-oxidants etc etc.  We are both relatively healthy weights (maybe could lose 5-10lbs but nothing serious). My LP appears to be 14 days, and last month I O'd on CD12 (this month, it's CD14 and I'm still waiting, but I think it'll be in the next few days).

I have a breakdown every month that I get my period, and this past month when AF arrived I decided to make a doctor's appointment. I'm going in February, but in the meantime, I have just found out 3 more people I know are pregnant, including my sister in law, who is over 30 and still nursing a baby who had complications during pregnancy. I got a text from a 'friend' this morning asking "So when are you going to get pregnant? Wasn't it supposed to happen right away?!" as she is nearing her own due date in March, and I burst into tears. I can't even handle characters on TV shows we are watching being pregnant anymore. Facebook is a torment as I see baby pictures and hear about so and so hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, or so and so posting a picture now that she's showing, and so on and so on. It's horrible.

I know we haven't been TTC that long, but it seems like if we are timing our BD'ing for more than enough of my fertile time and beyond, for 5 going on 6 months, we should have had some results. What are we doing wrong? Can anybody give me some encouragement? I cry all the time and can't focus on anything but this (and I'm trying--I know that obsessing can only make it harder), and it's starting to wear on DH. He's patient and kind, but he can only take so much of me being a basketcase all month, and twice the basketcase when I get AF.

Cythe

bbg676 said:

You really should watch 'The Great Sperm Race' on Youtube - it will show you all the reasons why, even with perfect timing, that it can still take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant.

Sometimes I watch The Great Sperm Race just for fun because its a really kick ass show.

+1 for watching it, you will learn a lot!

Look, I'm even including a link because im so haplful!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAnMymnJiLM

TheBorg7of9

SInce you have already been trying every day, you might want to switch it up and try every 2-3 days instead.  Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  She suggests that strategy.

And also, don't borrow trouble.  It's perfectly normal to not get pregnant right away.  Lastly, no need to get snarky against your sister-in-law who is OVER 30 (gasp!) and still dared to get pregnant before you.  

Good Luck!

rbtrumpet

1) you really need to read "READ THIS BEFORE POSTING"

2) it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant, even with perfect timing. You are not doing anything wrong. I know, it's hard, and I swear the longer you try, the more *everyone* seems to be pregnant. There is no reason to go to your doctor until you've been trying for a year.

3) don't tell anyone you're trying, they, like your friend, will ask continuously! They will make you feel like you're doing something wrong when you aren't. As exciting add it is at first, people nosing into your sex life gets old quick!

4) wine. Wine is good. Wine makes things better! Also, I suggest finding a hobby to get your mind off things

ETA: autocorrect has bad grammar :-p

Cythe

KawaiiKitsune said:

MH and I had sex for a week+ straight last cycle and my ladybits were hurting. He suggested two weeks this month and I swear my vag cringed internally.

My vag is cringing for your vag. 

#vagbuddies

asoneill

I know it's discouraging, believe me, we all do. Please understand it can take an average healthy couple as long as a year to get pregnant. Making an appointment right now is probably premature.

As PP said, your fertile window sounds covered, but to help narrow it down, you might want to try tracking your BBT if you aren't already. The newbie blog at the top of this board has a lot of tips, as does Fertility Friend.

I know how hard it is to see announcements on FB - I go through the same thing myself sometimes. Just remind yourself that their fertility doesn't affect yours. Take a deep breath, do some reading/research, and try to stop thinking about it - find a hobby or something, it will help take your mind off it. (They help me take my mind off it, anyway.)

Good luck!

thechickencoop

Ok, one, CHILL.  Seriously, you're going to drive yourself crazy.  It sounds like you're doing the pretty standard 'everything' for right now.  

And I don't think a doctors appointment is crazy if it's been over a year or so since you've been, but are you seeing a gyn or just gp?  If it's been a while it's certainly not going to hurt to get a general health panel of bloodwork run and a pap if you're due.  BUT, if you've been recently, then don't waste everyone's time.

Like everyone said, it can take over a year, so give it at least 6 more months until you start seeking answers. 

Also, that's a lot of sex.  Is this preseed magic lube?  Because oooooo the friction.  And you guys had never had sex before September?  Your vagina is probably like, 'wtf'.  Woah.

Good luck

gscoville

irishgoth8822 said:

I have a breakdown every month that I get my period,

I cry all the time and can't focus on anything

The only appointment you should be making is with a therapist/counsellor/psychologist, because this extreme level of breakdown over not getting pregnant only 5 months into TTC is not at all normal.  If you can't even function because not getting pregnant bothers you this much, and just seeing pregnant characters on TV or hearing about pregnant friends IRL throws you into hysterics, you really should seek some help.  Seriously.  And cut ties to FB and turn off that TV, that should be obvious.

PrimRoseMama

Maybe take a break from TTC if it is causing you so much anguish? I mean, maybe just chill a bit & hump it out? It's perfectly normal for a couple to take 12 months to get pregnant.

Maybe look into therapy or other options if you are having a breakdown with every period? That seems like an extreme reaction.

mynameiscarrie

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You can't compare your experience with someone else's. You don't know if those people have been trying for a child for a month or for 2 years and, even though it can be tough, you really shouldn't let facebook upset you. No one posts the bad shit on facebook, only the glitter and rainbows.

Also, it is way too early for an appointment. Once you hit a year without conceiving, then look into it, but 5 months is not a lot of time. I think it was mentioned before but, even during your fertile week, the odds are not for you to get pregnant.

Tldr; don't compare yourself. Be patient.

irishgoth8822

Wow, I can see why this forum has a bad reputation. I do appreciate the few posters who offered constructive criticism and advice. 

For the record, I'm not 'stealing' anyone's doctor's appointment, since I've never been to a GYN and this one is both a GYN and a GP. 

irishgoth8822

Most of the replies were rude and callous. A A few were legitimately constructive. So.

Having never been to a gyn for a basic checkup to make sure everything is normal seems a necessary appointment to me now that I'm sexually active. But hey, what do I know.

Unknown

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AmberR09

Just curious: does the 1 year of trying start over after a loss?

AmberR09

Thanks @jefa621‌ that's what I figured. Guess I'll discuss w my doc at my annual next month

Cythe

irishgoth8822 said:

Most of the replies were rude and callous. A A few were legitimately constructive. So. Having never been to a gyn for a basic checkup to make sure everything is normal seems a necessary appointment to me now that I'm sexually active. But hey, what do I know.

Hi there, Stranger Danger. Can I just say that on today of all god damn days, no one gives a fuck about what you deem rude and callous? You asked, we answered. And yes, you are taking an appointment from someone who actually needs it because you don't fucking need it. 

Put on your big girl pants and wait for the year mark.

irishgoth8822

Specific instances of rudeness? Well, there must not be any, since I guess I missed the sarcastic good-natured wit in being told to find a shrink. And the snarky humor in being told that I'm a bad person for deciding that I need to see a gyn. All you strangers who know more about my medical history than me must be better equipped to decide that. I'm guessing the lovely, welcoming individual who told me I 'don't fucking need an appointment' is someone who can't get one herself and is just bitter? Once again, glad a stranger's head is so far up my privates that she knows if or when I'm permitted to make my own gyn appointment. (A gyn, for cripes sake. It's not like I called all of your fertility specialists for people with incurable fertility problems and replaced your appointments with mine.)

I posted my question/concern because I was seeking advice, tips/education, and encouragement, not judgment on my life choices. I included a few details about my situation by way of catharsis and to try and make some new friends. If this is your way of encouraging people who are struggling with ttc, then I hope it's vastly different from the form of encouragement you hope to offer your children-if you ever have them.

You are not welcoming to new members when your response to someone who didn't realize that any expression of emotion was forbidden on this board was to be 'snarky' (read: to be assholes). Heaven forbid you be kind or genuine (maybe you're all just genuine assholes?)

I can't delete my account, apparently, but my lack of response from here on out means I'm not reading yours.

And to whoever keeps quoting all of my posts and saying nothing but that I'm offending them: good. You offend me too. <--thats another instance of someone being rude and unhelpful, btw.

wallflwr926

@irishgoth8822‌ - I 100% agree with the other posters. I have been trying since August. I've had multiple ovarian cysts and my husband has a low sex drive. Bad combination.
It gets frustrating when I find out others are pregnant. I hate that my Crack head of a cousin got K'ed U but life goes on.
If you feel that you spend your days and nights obsessing about getting pregnant you need to speak to a professional. Not only for your sanity but for the sake of your marriage. It's not health to obsess to the point you can't watch TV.

AmberR09

jefa621 said:

irishgoth8822 said:

Specific instances of rudeness? Well, there must not be any, since I guess I missed the sarcastic good-natured wit in being told to find a shrink. And the snarky humor in being told that I'm a bad person for deciding that I need to see a gyn. All you strangers who know more about my medical history than me must be better equipped to decide that. I'm guessing the lovely, welcoming individual who told me I 'don't fucking need an appointment' is someone who can't get one herself and is just bitter? Once again, glad a stranger's head is so far up my privates that she knows if or when I'm permitted to make my own gyn appointment. (A gyn, for cripes sake. It's not like I called all of your fertility specialists for people with incurable fertility problems and replaced your appointments with mine.)

I posted my question/concern because I was seeking advice, tips/education, and encouragement, not judgment on my life choices. I included a few details about my situation by way of catharsis and to try and make some new friends. If this is your way of encouraging people who are struggling with ttc, then I hope it's vastly different from the form of encouragement you hope to offer your children-if you ever have them.

You are not welcoming to new members when your response to someone who didn't realize that any expression of emotion was forbidden on this board was to be 'snarky' (read: to be assholes). Heaven forbid you be kind or genuine (maybe you're all just genuine assholes?)

I can't delete my account, apparently, but my lack of response from here on out means I'm not reading yours.

And to whoever keeps quoting all of my posts and saying nothing but that I'm offending them: good. You offend me too. <--thats another instance of someone being rude and unhelpful, btw. </p>

Lot of new tou violations in this one @bumpmay

QFP-

I personally feel the "if you ever have children" offensive and rude.