Curious, registry on invitations?

HaruhiChan

I'm not doing this as I don't feel comfortable with it, but there's a debate going on in my family regarding this. Just kinda curious what the general stance is on it. Plus, my registry is kinda almost done anyways... so it's a moot point!

VOR

When it comes to shower invitations, i don't have a problem with it. As that's the point of a shower, why pretend otherwise?

sschwege

I appreciate it for shower invites, so I don't have to inquire.  Some people do think it should be left off though because my MOH hosted my bridal shower and she left it off because she read it should not be included even for a shower.  Most of our gifts were off our registry though, so obviously everyone figured it out.   I know my MOH said some people asked when they called to RSVP.  For both of my baby showers though the info was on there.  

dufferoo

Ugh no no no no no no no. No registry info on the invite. No insert. Just no. You don't tell people what to buy you without them asking you first.

HaruhiChan

See, I personally just feel uncomfortable basically advertising that I want gifts. To me, I'm grateful for anything someone chooses for me. That's just my stance on it, I know some people do it and some don't. I just don't feel comfortable about it myself.

I explained this to my host and she freaked out and backed out of the shower.

It wasn't a big deal, but it made me curious what the general stance is on it.

I am just very socially awkward and asking for gifts kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. I'd rather people be able to choose what they want to buy rather than give suggestions.

Not that I have anything against others who put registry info on invites, that's their choice, I just feel awkward and uncomfortable due to my own awkwardness.

jraeohyeaaa

We hosted a very small baby shower for a friend of ours (we are military and all live far from family so this was her only shower) and we added her registry information to the invitation.  She didn't ask us to but we did it anyway...not sure if it was tacky but the shower consisted of our close group of friends and her sister who drove from out of town.  I don't think it's a huge deal on shower invites.

Now for our wedding...no way.  We sent out a tiny card after people RSVP-ed.

MrsPDX

My hostess is including mine in the invite. As a large aspect of a shower is to "shower the MTB with gifts", I don't think its rude to include registry information. It will be in tiny print at the bottom. 

Mamamads

dufferoo said:

Ugh no no no no no no no. No registry info on the invite. No insert. Just no. You don't tell people what to buy you without them asking you first.

So you'd rather what? Let all the shower guests guess where you are registered or have to Each inquire about it? I find that far more tacky, it's a gift giving event no need to pretend it's not and that people are clueless as to what a registry is.
People expect to know where you are registered, it's up to them if they shop from the registry or not.

Whitfry

I never saw the invitation to my baby shower, so I don't know if it was on there or not. But the only things I got from my registry were from out of town friends who wanted to ship me something and asked where I was registered.

dufferoo

Mamamads said:

Ugh no no no no no no no. No registry info on the invite. No insert. Just no. You don't tell people what to buy you without them asking you first.

So you'd rather what? Let all the shower guests guess where you are registered or have to Each inquire about it? I find that far more tacky, it's a gift giving event no need to pretend it's not and that people are clueless as to what a registry is. People expect to know where you are registered, it's up to them if they shop from the registry or not.

Sure, those who are interested can inquire. It shouldn't be too terrible for friends and family to have to speak. I mean, they will be calling your host to rsvp anyways. And if they're so ridiculously shy or busy that they can't ask, then yeah they actually could guess. You're either registered at BRU, BBB, amazon or Target, right? Easy. ...The thing is, not everybody you're inviting wants to shop from the registry. Some people actually like to choose gifts that they think you'll love, just like they'd shop for you at Christmas or your birthday. They might even be planning to get you a gift already before they even get the shower invite. But when you put the registry info right there, it really sends the message that that is the only stuff you want. It's just too forward.

VOR

HaruhiChan said:

See, I personally just feel uncomfortable basically advertising that I want gifts.

But what do you think having a shower is?  Having a shower in and of itself says "I want gifts".

That aside - I won't lie that the argument of "how are the guests supposed to know?  Do they all have to ask" holds little water for me.  While I have no issue w/ registry info being included, at the same time, it's not rocket science. 

For every shower (baby or wedding) that I've been invited to where they didn't tell us, I looked up their registry info online in all a matter of a minute.  EVERY MTB that I know has registered at Babies R Us.  And if not BRU, I'd bet most moms register somewhere that's easy to find online in a couple minutes. 

I don't have a problem with it but it's also not the end of the world if it's not included.

HaruhiChan

No. I know a shower is for gifts. That's why I said it's just my own awkwardness. I don't disagree with either side.

Technically, I don't really need nor want a shower. We have all the big stuff already, for one. The shower is mostly for my husband, he wants the shower and one of the other hosts took over the planning.

I'm grateful, but I'm looking forward more to spending time with others. And grateful for whatever gifts they choose to get. But, I have little problem giving out the registry should they ask for it. I just don't feel comfortable putting it on the invite. But that's on ME lol I've always been really really awkward with gift giving things, I'm very self conscious and have trouble physically expressing emotions so I get really anxious over whether or not people think my reaction shows that I am happy and like the gift. I worry too much about if I show to them how much I appreciate it. But being put on the spot for christmas and birthdays makes me feel awkward as I'm shy and have bad social anxiety. I love the fact that people take the time out of their day to think of me, but I just worry maybe I don't express it enough. It's a childhood trauma issue that I do not wish to get into online.

There's other factors in this situation to that I won't go into detail on here. Personal drama with mother in law and family regarding personal boundaries regarding the pregnancy itself that have led me to speaking up for myself for once and calmly explaining how I feel, but it backfired.

That aside, I am grateful for the answers, I knew it was a grey area, but I know the bump is good for etiquette lessons, so I thought I would ask. I don't disagree myself with either side, I was just curious, mostly to see what the general consensus really was. Thank you for your time, ladies!

delujm0

The absolute number one purpose of a shower is to give gifts to the guest of honor. That's why it's ok to put registry info on shower invites. You wouldn't put that info on, for example, a wedding invitation, because a wedding is not by its definition a gift giving event.

If you don't want gifts don't have a shower. Have a luncheon or a bbq with your nearest and dearest, or have a sip and see once the baby is born. For those events people may ask for registry information and may bring gifts but they are not required.

kjandericka

I think it's perfectly fine to put the registry info on the shower invitation. If someone was throwing their own shower (which I never never never recommend) it would look tacky but, since the shower is normally thrown by friends, I think it's nice to have the info available with the invitation. For every shower I've thrown, I've put the registry information on the back and used a more faint font color. I wouldn't want it screaming at me from the top of the invitation or bolded for emphasis but I've always appreciated getting registry information on invitations of showers that I have attended. I do not think it's tacky at all. Everyone is different though, do whatever makes you feel comfortable.