Guest List Fight

BPWifey04

My MIL and her sister agreed to co-host a baby shower for me. This is amazing because my family does not live close to us. I told her I had a few friends I would like to invite (only about 10). She informed me the guest list was full with family members and it would not be possible. I know I am not supposed to be involved with the planning but I'm feeling frustrated that I can not invite the few friends I have so she can invite cousins I have never met. Can someone bring me back down to earth and tell me I am being hormonal or is my frustration justified

sabriel1

A shower is a gift for you given by the hosts and the guest list is ultimately up to them since it they are the ones planning the party (though many people often give the MTB a say). If these friends are so close to you I'm sure one of them will offer to throw you a shower (without prompting from you of course)

ginger1228

I can see why you would be frustrated - who wouldn't want friends there over cousins they don't know? Unfortunately it's up to the host. Maybe one of your friends will volunteer to throw you a shower.

BPWifey04

I know and that is why I didn't say anything to her...with the guest list at 50ish how could my 10 friends add that much... such is life living next to in-laws

Amstreagle

If it's not the shower you want then decline.
This is HER party thrown in your honor. The host calls the shots.
It's like someone generously offering you a well thought out gift and you saying it's not what you wanted or you wanted more.
Do you see how that could come across?

BPWifey04

I think this is the grounding I needed... I for sure did not want to say anything to my friends because I don't want anyone to feel/think I a fishing for another shower. I for sure don't want to be that shallow... Having a originally stressful relationship with my MIL makes me naturally grumpy add crazy pregnancy hormones and I tend to be... not so rational.. 

Thank you ladies

Mamamads

I dunno I would be bummed about that. If you had a huge group of friends who would likely throw you a shower anyway it wouldn't be a big deal but I think it's a bit upsetting she won't include your ten friends. Yes the party is a gift to you but any shower I've hosted the mtb basically told me who to invite because otherwise I would have been clueless and probably left important people out. Same with my own shower my sister and friend threw me I had to help them a bit with the guest list or important people would have been forgotten. Hopefully your friends do throw you a shower or your mil realize she's being a bit silly inviting second cousins you don't know Vs close friends who would legitimately like to celebrate with you. I think you are right to feel that way, imo

ginger1228

I don't think it's irrational to have a certain vision for your shower and to want your friends there. The irrational part is when the mom-to-be stomps her feet and and throws a fit (which you're not doing). I wouldn't want people I don't know there either. It would make me feel awkward.

VOR

It sucks.  I feel you.  But hopefully one of your friends will throw a small friends shower.  Which would actually probably be a LOT more fun for all of you than them attending this huge shower where you, nor them, really know most of the other guests. 

Pix3lle

I agree with PP, if a friend did throw a smaller shower it would in the end be nicer (in my opinion) then an awkward shower full of family you've never met!
If no one jumps up, maybe just spend a nice day out with a few friends

thelittlestbee

msspeedymarie said:

From what you are describing, it sounds like this shower is more about your MIL than it is about you. Sometimes, you gotta suck it up for the sake of harmony with your inlaws. Your MIL wants to show off a little (is this her first grandchild?), and you get to come along for the ride. If you have a good enough relationship with her, you can decline, but if you want to keep the peace, go and smile and be gracious and grateful.

This is what it sounds like to me. Same thing happened to a cousin of mine. Her MIL threw her a shower and invited like 20 people that my cousin never met before. We all knew that the MIL was just doing it for herself. She even told my cousin to contribute to cover the cost of the party. It was so sad. My cousin felt so uncomfortable the whole time and I felt really bad for her. 

The thing is, the shower is a gift and you're not allowed to make demands. But you know what, your MIL also being rude for not letting you have friends there. This shower is definitely more about her than you. 

*edited for missing words