need behavior fix help

huzzahuzza

J has been pulling my hair. We started time outs for other behaviors and it seems to have fixed/detoured a lot of things (hitting, being rough with the cats, etc) but it has not stopped this. In a moment of desperation, the other day I tried pulling his hair. I must've done it wrong because he thought it was funny:-P Does anyone have any other thoughts or ideas?!?!

Kashy

DS has been hitting lately, mostly when he is getting tired and frustrated, but I have been doing the walk away from him thing like PP.  I will tell him that is not nice and set him down and then walk away.  He will throw his little fit and then he is ok.  Sometimes I will put him in his crib for a min and tell him why I am doing it.  It helps reset his mood or something because he will stop hitting after this. 

huzzahuzza

sct728 said:

An idea that may not be exactly what you want to hear... but maybe ignore the behavior. He could be seeking the reaction from you and if he stops getting it, he won't think it's so great anymore.

I hate to agree with you but I think this may be the solution... if it doesn't result in me losing all my hair!!! He pulls freakin hard! 

bakersck said:

When DD did that, I screamed very loud and said "ow!!" She got startled and let go. She did it one or two more times after that and I repeated what I did before. She hasn't intentionally pulled my hair since then.

believe it or not I tried this one.  And one time when he did it, I started crying.  Not.even.phased. 

coffeeandbooks

I am probably in the minority here, but I like the supernanny show and just watched one last night about her calm down corner technique.   The key to success had a lot to do with the tone of voice you take...how authoritative you are, and being consistent.  She gives the kid one stern warning, if he does it again, he goes to the calm down corner for 1-3 minutes.  You don't look at him or touch him while he is there, and if he comes away from the corner he goes back in.
I think our LO's are probably to young for this now, I will mainly do a timeout at LO's side, but this morning I really focused on my tone of voice being stern and authoritative when I warned LO about banging the chair against the wall and it seemed to work.   Knock wood!

huzzahuzza

@coffeeandbooks I LOVE Supernanny and have already used some of her techniques.  When I give J a timeout, I make sure to set him there and make no eye contact.  When the minute is up, I go back and look him in the eyes and tell him again why he is in timeout.  Then I make sure that he says sorry and gives hugs.  

I've stopped giving warnings though with hair pulling because he thinks it's funny... but damn it! It hurts!!!

snowgirl427

How do you guys handle time outs? They just don't seem to phase LO one bit

huzzahuzza

So when J misbehaves, I'll grab him and take him to the stairs and then set a timer for 1 minute.  During that 1 minute, we don't make eye contact or talk to him.  When the minute is up, we go over to J and say "I put you in timeout because..." and then ask him to say sorry and give a hug.  

Like I said, it usually works! Just not with hair pulling!

telicious2

When he pulls your hair, can you tell him ow, that may cause a boo-boo? DS is on a boo-boo kick. If I tell him don't touch or no he will ask "boo-boo?"

MamaOwl15

With stuff like hair-pulling, I'll grab my son's hand and redirect him to touch more gently, saying, "gentle." I think kids this age are still learning what a gentle touch is and what kinds of touching and playing hurt.

If the behavior continues and is obviously willful, as opposed to just not realizing that it hurts, I'd do a time-out.