Anyone here an only child?

dmlk413

I can't remember if there are or not. If you are, were you happy being an only?

I saw an article on FB about how women shouldn't feel guilty about being OAD and i really liked what she had to say. Then I read the FB comments and there were all these people saying how much they hated being an only and how they wished their parents hadn't been selfish and given them a sibling, etc. It made me feel so crappy! I would feel terrible if DD resented me for not having more kids but at the same time that's not a good reason to have another.

eyenigh

I wish I would've been an only. I have one sibling that I've never had anything but a horrible relationship with. Being an only child could've saved me from a lifetime of hurt and disappointment.

starrdiva211

I seen that article as well and she touched on a lot of points that were true. I am my moms only child and sometimes I think what would have been different if she did have another one besides me. I am not sure if it would have been for the better.

I think some people who are in the loud minority, say that because they may not have such a great relationship with their parents or dont have anyone to vent too when their folks get on their nerves or dont have anyone else to take the spotlight off of them. I can say that I may have been lucky to grow up around my cousins (seriously, at some point in time for what ever reason, I was living with an aunt and a set of cousins... LOL) so, I was able to form a sibling like bond to them (they call me the older sister). I do have that go to "vent" thing when my mom gets on my nerves. And, they run to my mom for everything too, so she can focus on them if she has too (it also helps that I am 300 miles away).

And I hate when these only children make the assumption that their parents were being selfish for just having an only child. There could be a number of reasons why so they should just ask. I know my mom lost twins before me so she said when she had me she was blessed! And when she thought of wanting another one, my dad wasnt being the best guy in the world. When she got remarried, her and my step-dad thought about having one together but decided not too because neither really wanted to start over (my step-dad had children).

Chapter79

I have two brothers that I love dearly.

But I have only friends that are thrilled they are. And I know some aren't. I know some friends that love their siblings. And some that haven't spoken to theirs in 10 years.  It's really flip a coin, like anything is in life.  

dmlk413

@NamasteBiotches‌ https://mom.me/blog/16799-why-i-shouldnt-feel-guilty-wanting-just-one/

Thanks ladies! I'm pretty firmly OAD but those comments really got me. I appreciate your input.

kristennd

This was one thing that made it difficult for us to adjust to being OAD.

I have a sibling that I got/get along well with and DH hated being an only child. He always understood that it was for valid reasons and that his mother would have had more if she could, but he was still lonely. He had many friends and even cousins his age in the same town. It just wasn't the same. 

He did eventually realize and accept that the particular circumstances that made it hard on him would not automatically apply to LO. The odds were againt it, in fact. And in the meantime, he could relate, and help LO that way.

I do think some articles go overboard in the other direction. "Don't worry -- The odds are they'd hate each other." Miserable siblings aren't really any more common than miserable onlies. Defensive generalizations don't help.

gabveltre21

I'm a an only child. I'm extremely close with both my parents and cousins. I was very happy growing up. Now that I'm older and see my friends relationships with their siblings sometimes I wish I could experience that. Now I have 1 child so far, I do not want to be OAD because my husband is also an only child. So my daughter will not have any "real" aunts or uncles and no first cousins. Which breaks my heart. We are having a hard time getting pregnant with baby #2 now so hopefully sooner rather that later I can give her a sibling. Over all as an only child I had/have a great, happy life so don't stress:)

Oh and also saying "I'm an only child" was my go to growing up when anyone asked "tell me something different about yourself"

michelle615

I'm sorry that the comments made you feel so bad!  I have one brother and he and I weren't close while growing up.  We have very different personalities, so we didn't spend a lot of time playing together or enjoying the same types of activities.  Having siblings doesn't guarantee a cure for loneliness.  It's a decision that needs to be made for you and your family, not for what others may think or pass judgement on.

netters625

I am an only child and happy. I never felt lonly, I learned early to enertain myself and find now that I don't need other people in my life to "make me happy" when I was 5 I wanted a sibling but now I am happy I didn't get one. My husband has 3 and they all fight all the time....we are seriously considering OAD ourselves.

Maladroit

I'm an only and I LOVED it.  Of course I went through a stage where I wanted a brother for awhile, but I had close friends that filled that void.  I shared a closeness with my mom that I can't explain and I never had to fight for affection.  All her resources, attention, and enjoyment went to me.  I wouldn't trade it for anything and that is exactly why I want my son to be a singleton as well.  I can still be my own person and give him the best opportunities possible while fulfilling my serious desire to be a mom.

IonaErebor

I am my mother's only child, and as she always had sole custody of me, I grew up as an only child. It meant that I deal with being alone a lot better than some people with siblings, and that I am very close to all of my mother's side of my family.

However, I do also have a brother and sister who are both much younger than me, and when they were growing up, our relationship was more like distant cousins that siblings. Now that they are young adults, we are very close, and do very much have a sibling relationship.

My partner is completely an only child, and she loved it, and is very close to both of her parents, and grandparents, and her first cousins.

My partner and I haven't decided on whether we want just one child or more, but I definitely don't think being OAD is at all selfish.

BeachBride1216

My husband is an only and I am an only.  We both agree that we prefer OAD for us as well.  There were so many benefits to growing up an only that I feel having more than one will only be taking resources away from our first and only.

groovylocks

No. And that is specifically why we are stopping at one. We both come from families of unhappy sibling hood.

LIly436

I am the only child. No problems being lonely growing up. You just learn to entertain yourself, enjoy peace and friends

NurseRieger

I am an only child, grew up wanting a sibling but got over it my tween years. As an adult I know my mom had to do what was best for her and I respect that. My husband only wants 1 kid and is adamant on that. He has 2 sisters he doesn't speak to and feels no need for a kid to have a sibling. Honestly my son is almost 4 months and I really don't have the desire to do another pregnant and 1st 8 weeks of a baby again. I also did not grow up spoiled or weird or anything. It's about how you raise the kid and the kids own personality, not the fact that they are the only.

smitch588

I have a sister who I couldn't imagine not having in my life.  But I don't think there's anything wrong with only wanting to have one child.  Once the child is old enough he/she can be put in dance, sports, daycare, etc. and can make friends and learn how to socialize.  It's not like the child is going to grow up secluded and alone in the world just because he/she doesn't have a sibling.  

J&CK2011

Only child here. 
It had its advantages and disadvantages growing up. I had a close relationship with my parents, our schedule was more flexible, I was pretty independent and self reliant. 
But as an adult I wish I had a sibling. I have the most amazing aunts and uncles, and I'm sad my kid won't experience that. As my parents get older I'm scared to not have a sibling to lean on for help and support. 

We'll probably only have one bio kid, but also plan on adopting at least one. 

schmoopie1-2

I second @J&CK2011 on the parents getting older thing...

Other than that, DH and I are both only children (raised VERY differently) and both had happy childhoods despite that.  The older we get and having been trying for nearly 2 years, we are coming to terms with the fact that we may only have or want 1 as well.  Nothing in life is ideal, you do what's best for you in the moment and that's that. 

valeryjackson

I'm an only child and i liked it, i had a happy childhood, althought sometimes i wish i had a sibling, mostly becouse when your parents die, if you are an  only child you will be alone. 
And for this reason i want at least two or three kids.

N00dles

My wife is one of 3 and I'm an only child.  We would have loved to have another but other than expensive options probably won't have another.  DS is 4 a we just hit our late 30's so probably not going to keep trying.  Nothing wrong with it at all.

retro_belle24

Hi all, I'm an only child and I love it. My family was just my mom and I. I adored our special time together and not having to deal with the trouble siblings can bring. I was lonely as a child but that stemmed from my being shy and insecure due to my facial syndrome. I think even if I had a sibling, I would still be shy. As an only child I was able to develop an active imagination, entertain myself, and learn to enjoy my alone time. Being an only child meant that my mom has more money to take yearly vacations and treat ourselves to a show in nyc. She told me that if she had other children, finances would be tight and we wouldn't be able to do the things we wanted to. 

As my husband and I are TTC, we frequently talk about being a OAD family vs having 2. DH has a younger brother and sister. They aren't very close but as they get older, they are becoming more friendly towards each other but are no means best friends. 

knottief94a3a24ec5fddf2

I was an only child, so was my husband. We plan on having only one. I think being raised without siblings gives only children the opportunity to decide how they want to live their life and the ability to hold strong convictions. They are proof peer pressure isn’t a all consuming force. My experience as an only child was a little lonelier and isolating. I spent a lot of time alone but I learned glass work at a young age. Kayaked all around the island our beach house was on. My husband was said he was never lonely because his parents included him in everything- decision making ect. His vote counted as much as his parents vote. I’m my family I was the child and they were the adults. I was out ranked and in a different class really. Benjamin’s parents also really pilot him on a pedestal, and practically worshiped him.
I prefer to have an only child becouse I get along well with only other children. We understand ourselves but I’m a little worried about the isolation that will be created by generational singletons. Our child would not have brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins. Both grandmothers have passed. Grand dads in late 70s. Just a vary small isolated family. Benjamin doesn’t seem bothered by that at all though