SO having trouble bonding?

Bree2109

So I'm almost seven weeks and so far everything has been perfect. ( fingers crossed everything stays that way). My SO is like almost ignoring the fact that pregnant. I mean she doesn't let me lift anything heavy and is slightly more helpful then before the prenancy but it's pretty hard on me realizing she doesn't even acknowledge this baby. After all our losses I understand but at the same time it's rough. Does anyone have any experience with this? Or any advice on helping her bond to this little miracle?

stinybean

I'm sorry that your SO isn't really acknowledging your pregnancy. I think it's hard for those that are not carrying the baby to connect early on.

Have you had your first sono yet? That should help make it a little more real for her. Although it can still be hard when the baby doesn't look like a "real baby" yet.

Honestly I have only just noticed a difference in my DH recently- I'm 18 weeks today. Since I started showing he has seemed more aware of my pregnancy.

So my advice is try to wait it out and be patient SO just might need more time to understand that this is real.

GL & I'm sorry for the novel.

mrsjg2013

After three losses, MH had a hard time being excited this time around, even after several healthy ultrasounds.  We just had our 20 weeks anatomy scan and after a completely "normal" physical and genetic screening, he's finally able to push the worry aside and be excited.  I don't think that our SO's aren't happy or hopeful about the little lives growing inside us, they're just scared.  He's admitted to me numerous times how he's overwhelmed with a feeling of such helplessness.  I don't really have any advice, other than to be patient and understanding, and don't get discouraged- her love for that baby certainly runs deep and the bond will be instantaneous once he/she is born.

pblge

They say that women become mothers once their pregnant, and men become fathers once there's a baby, and I could see that being translatable to the non-pregnant partner of any gender. Some people also want to protect themselves following a loss much more than others, so she may be hesitant to bond too much until she can have more confidence. My DH didn't really start to be connected to the baby for many weeks--not really until he could feel the movement from the outside. The doppler was uninteresting to him. It was hard for me to not get upset about it, but it's totally normal and she'll come around. It sounds like she's taking good care of you, and that's super important. This journey is always going to be different for the person with the baby inside versus the one who's on standing nearby, so try to let her experience it in a way that feels right for her. ((hugs))

Bree2109

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I certianly feel better putting it out there and knowing it's normal/okay. Hopefully our ultrasound Wednesday will help a little.

sgio7485

My DH was not really connected and didn't say much at all about the pregnancy the anatomy scan and we found out the sex helped him to bond a lot, and once he could feel the baby move he changed a lot and said it "felt real" now. It did take him until feeling movement to really start talking more about it. It did take him a long time though and it was frustrating for me.