Terrified of labor

klirwin82

I'm hoping some of you who have been through it can give me some reassurance...I am completely terrified of child birth. I know it's a ways away but as the weeks tick down I am getting more and more anxious. I even started having panic attacks if I see the slightest reference to giving birth, like even the commercial with Salt n Pepa saying "push it" at the Lamaze class. My rational mind says people get through it all fine and most people have more children after so it can't be THAT bad. I don't know if going to a birthing class would help or would freak me out even more so I'm scared to go. I started reading Jan 15 birth stories hoping it would calm me down but when I see people are in labor for 20+ hours my heart starts racing and I start sweating. So please, any calming words or advice? If this doesn't get better I will ask my OB about seeing a therapist at my next appt, I'm driving myself crazy with fear about this.

valigrl21

Ok I have to run to a meeting so this will be quick but remember that women have been giving birth for THOUSANDS of years. Lots and lots of those women have more than one child. If it was THAT bad, our population would die off.

So I know labor can be scary, it's unpredictable and you aren't in control. But try to read some positive birth stories. That might be a good first step is to read some good stories (not the horror ones that every one loves to tell about their third cousin that was in labor for a week and then had to get a c-section and can never sit again).

It sounds like a class might help you so you can learn more about what may or may not happen during labor and different ways to deal with it. There are a bunch of "tools" that can be used for pain management from lamaze to epidurals to laboring in the tub. I bet if you do some research about those tools, you will feel like labor is a lot more manageable.

Emeraldeyed315

Best advice I got was NOT to listen to anyone telling you a negative labor story. 

Contractions only last about a minute. 

This is the only time in your life the pain is "good"...you are working towards something positive and amazing. It truly hurts so good haha. pushing felt good! I had a 3rd degree tear and labor and recovery was not bad at all. 

You can do this. Your body was made for this. Take some prenatal yoga classes, read Ina May Gaskins book. Possibly try hypnobirthing CDs if you are feeling anxious already? You'll be more than ok:) 

imavera

Take a class! Getting informed will make you less anxious, especially while you're in labor.

I've done it twice and enjoyed it. It's not a cake walk, but it doesn't have to be a scary experience.

Mamamads

Ya labor is not fun. I won't sugar coat it and say it's a breeze because it's not.. For most people. There are coping methods you can learn through courses like hypnobirthing that have really helped people. Also like pp said meds are available, I got an epidural with my first and it helped tremendously. I would look into birth classes that help teach coping methods as well as fill you in on how labor will usually go. I am going for a vbac and hired a doula which I HIGHLY recommend. You can email them with questions through your pregnancy and you have a few appointments during your 3rd tri and they are present for your entire labor/birth to help you deal with pain and be your advocate! There are so many benefits to a doula like a shorter labor(it's proven) and being less likely to need medication or interventions. I would look into them if you are that afraid because let me tell you most significant others are pretty helpless when the time comes.

MaritimeMama3

Most people don't labour for 20 hours, and the contractions aren't super intense the entire time... But honestly, if you're that terrified of it, get the epidural! And don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. I wanted an unmedicated birth last time, but I was having back labour, it was more painful than I had expected, and I was exhausted, so I got the drugs. I SLEPT for the next three hours until it was time to push--that's how well the epidural worked. 

Your body was built for this, and modern medicine is there for you if you need it!

law&order

Take a class and read some books. It can be scary if you don't know what to expect. I cried to my nurse that I was so scared at one point. But, and I don't know if this helps you, labor is almost inevitable (unless you have a planned c-section) so it's going to happen! You have to just accept that it is the way to meet your baby.

Educate yourself about pain relief options if that is what is scaring you. Once I had my epidural, I slept and relaxed, basically snoozed and watched TV for many hours.

BarefootContessa

First of all, I don't know that anything any of us can say will help your fear because you've yet to face it, but I hope it does.

Second, I wholeheartedly agree that it's easy to fear the unknown of labor as a first time mom. 

Is it painful? Yes; the pain is more intense at times than others. But I promise you that the time, your body is "in the zone". Trust that your body knows what it is doing, listen to it, and care for it as you experience it. (Do I sound all granola-ish here?) You will be with professionals who will be able to tell if something is going wrong, and they are there to start the intervention process if necessary-- trust that, too. 

Read books, take a class, etc. I found  our class beneficial for positions while laboring, for learning tools that you may need when you get there (you have no idea if you will want to be touched/not touched, hot/cold, spoken to/silence, etc.) I remember being so grateful for my husband applying counter pressure with a tennis ball to my lower back-- who knew I'd need it?

This sounds silly, but it's such a sacred, beautiful pain. I promise. And if it gets too much (which it did for me...) there is no crime in an epidural. 

sschwege

A childbirth class might be helpful to you if you choose the right one for you.   You might check out Hypnobirthing or Hypnobabies, a huge part of Hypno is not being afraid, releasing all that fear and anxiety. 

What exactly worries you?  Perhaps if you name specific things it will be easier to address?

You mentioned a long labor.  With my first I was in labor for 17.5 hours, but it really did not seem that long and most of that wasn't challenging labor.  You see women playing cards, watching movies, knitting, etc in the beginning, so if the labor is long that doesn't mean like Hollywood style contractions for 20 hours or whatever.  And keep in mind that contractions come and go and you always get a break.  Between contractions you will more or less feel pretty good.  And even when you are having a contraction it starts out small, builds, peaks and fades away.  So even if you picture having a contraction for one or two minutes it's not like its two minutes of intense take your breathe away feeling, maybe 20 sec of the two minutes will feel that way. 

TeresaWE

It's terrifying not knowing what to expect, never having witnessed another woman labor or give birth.
That being said, prepare yourself. Labor is different for everyone. I had a positive birth story with my first, not so happy with my second but that was more the nurse and violating HIPPA than the pain itself.
You do forget the pain of it, it won't be ever present in your life. Knowing labor is temporary might help.
When I was in labor with my son my mom's advice was to stay calm, laugh through the contractions, they're as bad as your worst menstrual cramps and they don't last forever.
Take some classes, read a few books. Know that as PP have said, women have been doing this for a long time.

MsOCT

People like to talk a lot about their long labors and horrific birth stories because they get attention. A brief labor with no dramatics doesn't make for a very exiting story to tell. Distance yourself from those who insist on telling horror stories.
Also, I really recommend Ina may gaskins book, "Ina mays guide to childbirth". Full of good birth stories.

MisSmartyPants

I keep telling myself that this is what my body was created to do. As of now, I decided to go raw and all natural - no painkillers etc lol. I did make a strategicly bad move, and watched a clip with vaginal birth lol.

0ashley

I had the go-with-the-flow attitude the first time. I took a basic class/hospital tour but it didn't teach any birthing methods. I had a hard time "effectively pushing" and had a long labor. I felt like I didn't know how to push the way they were asking me too? Finally, they gave me the choice of c-section or turning off the epidural, which did the trick. I am interested in learning more about birthing, maybe taking a class but my H thinks I'm crazy since "he came out just fine last time, you don't need that". 

I am going into this labor with the plan of taking some pain meds but maybe not an epidural if I can help it, or a light epidural if that's really a thing? I can't remember most of my labor day due to pain and being tired, and I really want to be more "present" next time.

Bottom line- You can do it. Even if you're not doing it right, like I was. You figure it out or the doctor can do it for you. 

DecemberGirl1216

It is painful...and exhausting. It is also one of the most empowering moments you will ever have in your own body. You will find a way through the pain that works for you (breathing, movement, meds, etc). It will not be a walk in the park. At some point you and a beautiful human being that formed and grew inside of you will make eye contact and the magic of that moment can make the memories of the pain a haze. It is truly one of the most incredible events that will ever happen to you. I hope that some of the ideas that the previous poster's have given you help to ease your fears!

jlbaker08

My water broke and I was hooked up to the most pitocin they can pump you full of for 19 hours, I didn't feel anything until the last 6 hours (no epidural or other meds, just a high pain tolerance?) It was not easy for those 6 hours and I might have thought I'd die then ended up with a c/s anyway... however, I say that all to say I will be going for a med free VBAC this time, so it couldn't have been that bad, right?
It's new, it's scary, it's tough, it hurts, but it's all worth it. So worth it in fact, that people have babies over and over again, by choice! And truthfully, you'll forget what it really felt like by the next day anyway, it's how we're wired!

JennyJensing

I agree with what a lot of PP's have said. What you're feeling is totally normal...I remember those feelings very clearly the last time I was pregnant! At that time, I would always try to remind myself that women had been doing this for thousands of years and that no one would have more than one child if it were that bad!

People like to tell horror stories for whatever reason...God knows why. Try to tune them out when you hear one coming. Labor sucks and it's no walk in the park, but you can do anything for a few (or 20) hours! Plus, as soon as you see baby, all of that will fade away.

I was induced with my first and labored for about 11 hours total. I tried to hold out for the epidural, but contractions were fairly intense after the dr broke my water. I got the epidural at 4cms and was laughing and talking to my hubby while they waited for me to finish dilating. I had to have an episiotomy, but pushed the baby out in 30 minutes! My recovery was a breeze.

The thing I should've been more worried about was sleeping after the baby came!! HTH!

kjsmith9

I didn't read the other posts, so maybe this was already said, but I was in labor for about 9 hours with DD, and in recollection, it felt like 10 minutes (seriously, I barely remember anything that happened, and I didn't have an epidural until after 6 hours).  In the moment it's tough, but your body is made to do it.  Even if birthing class scares you, I think it's a good idea if you're freaked out - I would be MORE freaked out not knowing what's coming.

ifwisheswerefishes

Bathe yourself in positivity. I might sound like a total hippie (because I kinda am when it comes to birth and stuff like this), but you need to fill your mind with positive energy. Read books by Ina May Gaskin, whom I love. Realize that your body was made for this. Labor isn't pleasant, but I wouldn't be doing this a second time AND shooting for a VBAC if it wasn't super fulfilling and weirdly wonderful in its own way. 

Birth hurts. But that little baby...oh, I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Stay away from people who try to fill your mind with negative birth stories, worse-case scenarios, and all manner of crap. 

foreverMorgan

There isn't much more to add, I think everyone covered it. Just stay positive and keep an open mind. And, if your feelings don't get better it would probably be good to talk to someone about your fears. I think it's important for labor and delivery to be as calm as possible.

mehlaknee

Just remember its temporary. The pain will hurt but it is temporary. When youre done you have what you have been working so hard for the last 9 months in your arms. 

stakeshta

We all have different pain tolerance. Bigger babies can be a more painful experience. We are all so unique! I was good till about 8cm. That's when then pain became something I was shocked I was experiencing. Either way ... Our beautiful babies will enter this world through our pain. Deep breath, classes and mindset;)

FSUNole31

Like others have said take some classes and try and avoid all those friends and family who love telling their birth horror stories. Honestly the labor and delivery for me wasn't near as painful as recovery. I got an epidural for both of mine and like a previous poster mentioned I was able to relax a bit after before it was time to start pushing. You can do it and you will do it and the baby you will get in the end will make you want to do it over and over again!!

yelah250

It was only extremely painful as I was in transition - pushing didn't hurt - it felt like a major relief for me. Educate yourself so you know what to expect. Knowledge is power, friend!

BabysMomma4

It's normal to be scared. I fear it and this is my fourth! Lol But I don't fear it for the unknown like you are. I just know it's not easy. However, you will have less anxiety if you take a class and do some reading. This is my fourth but my dh's first and my OB stressed I retake the labor class again just for his knowledge. You will be fine! Like someone else said - if it were so horrible women wouldn't do it multiple times .

masabmom

Take a good class, research who had the best one in your area. I'd been in the delivery room 3x before I had my own. I thought I would know what I needed, I was wrong. It was incredibly helpful and informative. It took away a lot of the unknowns ya know the scarey stuff.

The best thing I took away was yes there's pain but it's pain with a purpose. I held onto this with both hands. I almost welcomed it at the end, every Braxton hicks I hoped would be more then it was. It's not like a headache that's not productive, generally it's productive. Like a previous person said women have been doing this for thousands of years. I agree it's very empowering to know what your body is capable of.

You need to sort out what thought is triggering the panic. Check out Anxiety BC website. It's for teens but I think it could help.

My labours aren't bad. No one tells normal stories. My "active" labour was 6 hours total with my first. At 8 cm I told my husband it wasn't that bad. When people talk about 20 hours they include early labour, before they are 3-4 cm. early labour is not bad I was shopping during mine. I don't count it at all. If you were in "active/hard" labour that long you'd be getting a c-sec. Something prenatal taught me. She even said when a women says that to you "I was in labour for 24 hours" you say "oh wow so you had a c-sec?"

JennyJensing

Just wanted to add...I went to a birthng class and turned away when they turned on the video. I didn't watch my own baby coming out of my vag, and I don't want to watch a stranger do it! Also, I think there is a grand plan here...the last few weeks of being pregnant will make you ready to get the baby out--by any means necessary. Not that it's completely miserable, it's just that you feel giant, your body starts to ache and you're sick of being pregnant!

Laurie12820

If you are like me and fear the unknown then the best think you can do is take a class/classes.  I was afraid last time of what labor would be like and after taking our childbirth course at the hospital I felt more prepared.  I knew what to expect, what my options were and how things were going to go down once I was in labor.   So, like most of the other ladies have said, "Knowledge is power!"

c-elizabethf

I agree about taking a class and reading books. Watching videos helped me too, lol I made Dh watch them. The labor part wasn't bad for me, when they broke my water the contractions got worse but was more crampy then anything. I got an epidural and that helped until it wore off because dd was sunny side up. Things started getting painful at one point but I believe it was towards the end. It's kind of fuzzy to me, the pushing wasn't bad with an epidural. And when she came out, it was a relief lol. I'm not going to lie this is my second baby and I'm more scared this time then I was with dd. It's so worth it though and once it's over, it's over. My focus the whole time was to get my baby. The recovery sucked, only reason why is because I was severely constipated and it was horrible. I think if was a mix of pain meds they had given me. Let's just say I hate prunes and don't want to look at them ever again.

Marlee8

I agree that taking a class may prepare you for what to expect, but for me the class just freaked me out even more. They gave us a few pain relieving techniques (like your partner massaging your lower back with lots if pressure) but I found both times before that I've given birth that you don't need to be prepared at all, because each labour and delivery is different and flows in it's own way.
I agree that your body knows what it's doing and you will also know what you need at the time to feel better, a bath, a walk, a massage, etc. Just do what feels right to you at the time because there are no right answers or manuals for this, everyone needs and feels different things.

I wholeheartedly agree that no one would do this more than once if it was so terribly painful. This is my third and my first labour was super long, and I needed an epidural which was totally against anything I had planned. And my second one was super short and my baby popped out before we got to the hospital. Not saying that to scare you out, but it's going to go however it goes and your body will know what to do!!!
It's great to have a plan but don't be scared to deviate from the plan if it doesn't feel right at the time. I was deadset against an epidural with my first but I was getting nowhere and my midwife urged me to have one to not be forced into a c section....and my second came so fast I had no time for anything. I'm still waiting for someone to give me my medal for a drug-free birth....it doesn't happen! Just do what you need to do at the time! Your body will tell you and you will know!
It's natural to be scared, but it's like 10 seconds of pain and then the most amazing happiness you will ever feel!!

tiamiaxx

This is different to pps but I actually found a lot more peace in just knowing the absolute basics. I knew basics about contractions and how adrenalin makes it worse (which was a crazy thought for me as i originally pictured thats how id get through it) and that's all I can remember learning about. I had no way of knowing what it felt like so I felt that staying calm and not trying to imagine it helped me.
That's what worked for me also my mum told me a little tip that made it heaps easier. It can be the most beautiful thing! I love the advice from pps to read positive stories and I think I'll be doing that too just to get myself in the best frame of mind

SepiaMoon

I didn't read all the posts, this was prob mentioned.

I highly recommend you read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth book. I got a copy for like $5 on Amazon. There are so many great, positive, beautiful birth stories is there and also information about techniques. I'm a FTM and after reading the first part of this book I felt so much less anxious about the whole process.

A class will help you, not scare you. I plan on taking one (or more). Start asking the women in your life about their positive experiences, people tend to only share the bad/ugly side and that is NOT the only way it happens.

Good luck.

inLOVEalready715

I'm a ftm also, and yes I'm scared and wish I could skip that whole part of child bearing. BUT, I have had the good fortune in school to see two women have vaginal births totally naturally. One woman barely had pain, she looked mildly uncomfortable and didn't take any pain meds after delivery or the next day, totally stoic. The other was having more pain but they both were able to walk around, take showers for comfort, rock back and forth on birthing/Pilates balls. It wasn't a miserable experience, and both women seemed to bounce back instantly after the babies were born. When I feel nervous I just remind myself that women have been doing this since the beginning of time, they wouldn't keep on doing it if it was soooo bad. You will be ok. Just relax, take classes, try not to stress yourself over it so much.

wells2010

Take a class! It helps to be informed!! I was in nursing school during my last pregnancy so I got to see a ton of labors and c-sections so I knew exactly what to expect for both. That helped me visualize what I had to do. 

I never made it to the "pushing" part, so no advice there. The C-section was a little freaky for me as I felt like I lost all control. 

Also, by the end of your pregnancy, you will be uncomfortable. That is a very strong motivator for laboring!!

dragonladysarkany

I have already had 2 kids, big ones too...expecting my 3, & no worse of dreading the birth. But one thing is...your body takes control over the whole process, its pretty amazing. What is not amazing is the pain factor we have to maintain with...but that being said the pain stops when the baby is born...so there is end in sight! All I can suggest is when a big contraction comes along you need to put your mind on the ride of it, you need go focus on something something tranquil...ex a leaf falling from a tree..imagine a leaf falling from the top of the tree til it slowly goes to the ground. As long as you can focus & keep yourself focused through the contraction process you will keep yourself sturdy...if not you will feel like a fish out of water flopping around in extreme pain! This is from someone who is afraid of epidurials..& basically has done it drugfree....& no I am not all about the Zen & spiritual guides...just a normal human being!!

JuneBug0611

Transition is the only part that is terrible, and as they tell you in birthing class, by the time you're there it is almost over. I had a med free birth with DD and look back on it as the most amazing experience of my life. I was on such an adrenaline high the next day I couldn't sleep even though I hadn't slept at all the night before. You will do great!

BabyNewbury2012

With my first I was scared to death of labor! My water broke in bed at 3:45am. I showered, packed my bag and got to the hospital around 5am. We had our girl at 6:56am. It went so fast that I never had time to think about anything.

I will admit the labor and delivery class helped me alot. I did close my eyes during the video but just the nurse explaining how important it is in labor to breathe and to try and not tense up helped me alot!

 

CharlotteVol

You will be so tired of being pregnant at the end that the pain of labor will seem quite inviting.  The biggest thing I can tell you is try to avoid being induced.  Pitocin contractions are much, much harder than the real deal.  I wound up with two inductions for two different reasons and survived regardless  

Let your body "labor down".  Once you are fully effaced and dilated, you WILL eventually get an urge to push - even if you had an epidural.  

I think a class or a book would help you feel more informed.  I read a lot of natural childbirth books (and then wound up with an induction!).  My kids are here and healthy so I wouldn't change a thing though.   While I'm not looking forward to labor and delivery, I am very much looking forward to meeting my new baby.  I promise- it's all worth it or people wouldn't do this multiple times!

Lentil1137

This was me with my last pregnancy- even though it was my third! I was still scared. Someone recommended the book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth to me, and it literally changed my life. I cannot recommend it enough. Like, buy it today. Lol I found the beginning of the book kind of still had me afraid, but by the end of it I was ready to tackle natural birth after having two previous epidurals!
(I'm not saying you need to have a natural birth! I'm just saying that's how much the book calmed my fears.)

catahoulatte

I didn't read the other responses but I don't think a therapist is a bad idea. For me, my mindset was "well I know this is going to hurt so I need to just deal with it." I was able to have a med free childbirth and I plan on it again. You know it hurts. You also know it ends. You just face it and own it. Freaking yourself out in labor absolutely doesn't help.

slweaver0626

The first 6 hours I was in labor I watched TV with DH, ate pizza and chicken wings, walked the dog, and took a hot bath.

Then there were 7 hours after that where I argued with the hospital... and then DD arrived.

Mackalack

I had a pretty rough labor and delivery, but I'm doing it again.  Why?  Because the child you hold at the end is worth any pain you go through.  You will get through it!