Sadly, I would like to introduce myself, but hope that I can give and get support to your ladies through our similar experiences. I would also like some advice if possibles.
My husband and I had been trying for a baby for six months when I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared and happy at the same time. This baby was a blessing. I know in the scheme of TTC six months is not very long, but as many of you know when you want a baby so bad every month seems like a lifetime. Everything was going so well until my 12 week NT scan. There was an abnormal amount of fluid around the baby's neck. We met with the high risk specialist who was not optimistic and said there was an 80% chance that our baby would be completely healthy. I'm not usually a half glass full type of person with those stats, but I wanted to believe we could beat the odds so bad. If someone has to be in the 20%, why not us? We went further with genetic testing and the baby tested positive for chromosomal abnormalities and the fluid kept increasing. With absolutely not hope that the baby would have a normal life (if he would be blessed with life at all), we decided to end the pregnancy at 15 weeks.
I am so sad and feel so guilty. In my head and heart, I know I did it out of love for my baby. I would never want him to feel any kind of pain. I would never want him to live his entire life in a hospital. But my mind plays tricks on me and sometimes I question if I was strong enough. I am ashamed of myself and embarrassed. I am so depressed and have so much anxiety. I know that is normal, but it doesn't make it feel better. I need to talk to someone.
One of the things that I'm struggling with most, and perhaps someone can provide advice, is that there are several forums and outlets for miscarriage support, but I did not miscarry. People do not talk about what I went through and I feel like all of my feelings are stuck inside. Thank you for listening.