Custody

mhickey426

Sorry you are dealing with this. A lawyer is your best bet and do it sooner rather then later

AFrye0726

As a lot of PP's have said, definitely consult the state/lawyer.  

In our experience, My H wasn't listed on the BC and still isn't.  We forced the issued because we wanted visitation rights, and had the DNA tested etc.  He technically still isn't listed on his BC but is paying child support and is not getting visitation rights.  But if we hadn't pushed the issued on the father's side because she never listed his name, we wouldn't have been responsible for anything. 

So at that point it all depends on how much he pushes for it.  (At least that is what happened on our end.) 

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, good luck with everything.

janexo221

Robots gave great advice that is right on!

korobona

 I second what janexo221, obotsversuswrestlers ,snegde , and fiscally3 have said. 

korobona

korobona

Defintely get a lawyer and start documenting everything.  Also if he wasn't charged with drug possession and with selling than its your word against his.  In order for this to mean something you need to have a report written up.  Same goes for everything.  SO while you document what you can if you can legally have proof by having a police report DO IT because it is the difference between he said she said and something more concrete.  For example I have seen women who have been in abusive relationships and domestic violence situations not get the kind of protection they need and even not having their partner convicted of the crime because they didn't report the abuse to the police.  (((HUGS)))  Also my aunt was talking to me the other day about how I didn't need to have my fiancée sign the birth certificate ... she said that doing so gives the father certain rights that he wouldn't have if he didn't sign it like being able to leave the state with the child legally.  Just an FYI I'm not sure if its true but definitely look into it and seek legal counsel.  Don't be afraid to talk to the nurses and staff at the hospital about it either because they know more than you might think.

cam12345

He can still take you for custody if his name isn't on the birth certificate, the courts can order a paternity test and it will be determined that way.

lauraarran

Hey! I'm 17, 25+5weeks pregnant, my ex partner (baby's dad) did drugs and also assaulted me. Anyway, I've decided for safety of me and my baby that he's NOT going on the birth certificate and deffo having my last name for baby... I think it's important that you decide to do best for your baby, if I was you... I wouldn't give him any type of responsibility over baby... Your choice x

Knottie07737259

If you leave his name off the birth certificate he will have no rights until paternity is established or he pays child support. Unfortunately I've been there done that. Good luck!

knlouis

Sorry you are having to deal with this. I would but his name on the BC if you planed on getting child support without having a lot of issues with the courts. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I'm sure that no judge will grant him custody if he cannot prove he is stable and clean. A friend of mine had supervised visitations based on her discursions. And that was ordered by the courts. I do feel like kids have the right to know both parents but you also have to know when it is not healthy for them to be around an unfit parent as well. Try your hardest not to do things out of anger and think of the child's best interest. From experience with my parents, the truth will come out and they will see the bad parent’s true colors without you having to talk bad about them.

AshleighK305

melissah814 said:

Maybe i missed something but what does breastfeeding have to do with it? Good luck!

Breastfeeding means the baby will have to be with me most of the time if I'm his food source.

On this subject, I have seen a friend experience this. They will not deny his time simply because you breastfeed. My friend had to pump and send the milk if she wanted her daughter not to have formula.

As for the legal stuff, it's just that, legal. You need to talk to a lawyer, and most will give a free consult the first time. Here the father has to sign the birth certificate in order to be on it, you can't just put their name down. So if you aren't allowing him to be there and he won't be present to sign, then you can't put him on it anyways. And just because he's not on it doesn't mean he can't try to take you to court. It just means that he will have to go through extra steps, like a paternity test, in order to have his name put on it later. I think it is very wise that you give your child your last name, but understand that if in the future he does take you to court he can request the child's last name be changed to his, and usually they will make that happen. I hope that everything turns out good and he doesn't give you any trouble. Keep your head up, and see a lawyer.

AshleighK305

frownyface said:

melissah814 said:

Maybe i missed something but what does breastfeeding have to do with it? Good luck!

Breastfeeding means the baby will have to be with me most of the time if I'm his food source.

On this subject, I have seen a friend experience this. They will not deny his time simply because you breastfeed. My friend had to pump and send the milk if she wanted her daughter not to have formula.

As for the legal stuff, it's just that, legal. You need to talk to a lawyer, and most will give a free consult the first time. Here the father has to sign the birth certificate in order to be on it, you can't just put their name down. So if you aren't allowing him to be there and he won't be present to sign, then you can't put him on it anyways. And just because he's not on it doesn't mean he can't try to take you to court. It just means that he will have to go through extra steps, like a paternity test, in order to have his name put on it later. I think it is very wise that you give your child your last name, but understand that if in the future he does take you to court he can request the child's last name be changed to his, and usually they will make that happen. I hope that everything turns out good and he doesn't give you any trouble. Keep your head up, and see a lawyer.

What!? They will change the child's last name even if he doesn't have full custody? I can't imagine this is true. If it is, that's ridiculous.

Twice now I've seen the father fight for his rights (as soon as the baby is born though, not like years later) and get his "fair" share. Not having full custody shouldn't matter, if he gets visitation and is paying his child support then he's doing his part. But yes, after the paternity was determined, only because they both fought to have it done, the child's last name was changed to the father's. In one case it was hyphenated to have the mother's and father's last names.

SuperFudge00

frownyface said:

AshleighK305 said:

frownyface said:

AshleighK305 said:

melissah814 said:

jk3610 said:

Maybe i missed something but what does breastfeeding have to do with it? Good luck!

Breastfeeding means the baby will have to be with me most of the time if I'm his food source.

On this subject, I have seen a friend experience this. They will not deny his time simply because you breastfeed. My friend had to pump and send the milk if she wanted her daughter not to have formula.

As for the legal stuff, it's just that, legal. You need to talk to a lawyer, and most will give a free consult the first time. Here the father has to sign the birth certificate in order to be on it, you can't just put their name down. So if you aren't allowing him to be there and he won't be present to sign, then you can't put him on it anyways. And just because he's not on it doesn't mean he can't try to take you to court. It just means that he will have to go through extra steps, like a paternity test, in order to have his name put on it later. I think it is very wise that you give your child your last name, but understand that if in the future he does take you to court he can request the child's last name be changed to his, and usually they will make that happen. I hope that everything turns out good and he doesn't give you any trouble. Keep your head up, and see a lawyer.

What!? They will change the child's last name even if he doesn't have full custody? I can't imagine this is true.

If it is, that's ridiculous.

Twice now I've seen the father fight for his rights (as soon as the baby is born though, not like years later) and get his "fair" share. Not having full custody shouldn't matter, if he gets visitation and is paying his child support then he's doing his part. But yes, after the paternity was determined, only because they both fought to have it done, the child's last name was changed to the father's. In one case it was hyphenated to have the mother's and father's last names.


------

Well, if the mother wants it, too, that's one thing. It sounded like you meant it was done against the mother's wishes.


Idk how I feel about this. Why should the mother unilaterally decide which last name the baby has if paternity is established?

fourthtimesacharm

I know every state is different but a co-worker was engaged and living with her SO when they got pg. Because they weren't married yet, they both had to sign an affidative stating he was the father so that he could be on the birth certificate. If you aren't talking to him and he won't be part of the birth it would be hard to get his name on the bc if you even wanted to.

westie89

From my experience I suggest putting his name on the birth cert.... If you know who the father is apparently it's illegal not to say and can really get you in trouble, the only way I got away with it when my son was born was because his dad wanted a paternity test so I wrote a letter to say awaiting on results from paternity test.... (I knew he was the father there was no one else) I was being spiteful because he hurt me saying that but in the end we became civil and we added him and his last name to the birth certificate.....which cost money. I too wanted to breastfeeding and couldn't pump very well (took forever to get one bottle) the lawyer said until I could express sufficient amounts dad was only able to have regular three hour visits.... He also said he wouldn't get overnight until baby was atleast two if I wanted but I gave in to that because it annoyed me to have to see him and wait around a shopping centre for three hours every second day while they had their visits and in that time I could clearly see he loved his son and was good for them to bond my sons dad dealt but never took drugs I was ok with that until I fell pregnant and he decided to keep doing it until baby was nearly born to get up his savings but hasn't done it since my son is nearly 5..... We have had a civil relationship and done what's best for our child the whole way since getting our act together after he was a few months old until now my son starts school which brings a whole new beginning and discussion of custody and visitation ect we have mediation next week which is prob something you should do with your ex when bub is born to establish some rules the mediators will also help decide if supervised visits only are appropriate, you never know he might clean his act up and be a great dad or he might not bother at all to fight for any kind of custody and just go along with whatever you say in my experience and seeing friends every mother and father relationship ect is different you never know what might be sorry for the long story if it even helps at all or not but my one piece of advice get a hard cover book write down every txt call or conversation with date and time it all holds in a court and remember to try be calm and nice whenever you talk to him or his family as what you say can be used against you. Good luck with everything

OliveMom3

My father was not listed in my birth certificate and my life has been perfectly fine. My mom wanted kids, he was married and she had an affair with him. He said he would leave his wife but my mom really just wanted my brother and I, not to separate another family. She has a friendly relationship with him and my life is as fulfilling as any other. My biological father has respected my moms desire for secrecy as she has respected his relationship with his wife.

Whatever you decide will be what works for you.