July 2015 Moms

Anyone besides DH in delivery room?

Hi all - FTM & I am trying to figure out if I want anyone in the room besides my DH? As background, I'm really open (no body bubble / privacy issues) & am really close to my mom & sister. But will I want it to just be our moment? Maybe they are there for part, but not all?

Looking for thoughts & opinions.

Thanks!
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Re: Anyone besides DH in delivery room?

  • I think it just really depends. For me, no, just my DH.

    My mom and sister would be be uncomfortable and I'm not *that* close with my MIL or SIL.
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  • No one else for me.
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  • c-elizabethfc-elizabethf member
    edited January 2015


    With dd I had my Dh and mom. My mom took pictures towards the back and was very quiet so I actually don't remember her intruding or anything. Dh stayed by my side. I haven't really thought about it this time, I'm open to it again. But I'm not having my vag on display for a bunch of people like sister, mil, etc.

    ETA: Before I started pushing my aunt, uncle and there two kids, my grandmother, parents, and in law were there. Everyone except my in laws, parents, and Dh stayed. They all were in the waiting room except Dh and my mom who were with me. I know my sister and brother swapped to be up there at one point, they were watching my little brother.
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  • Just DH for me, but my mum was a life saver for my sis as she did everything for sis in the waiting room until midwives were ready for her (8 cm dilated) My mum had a lot of experience (8 kids) so she was very helpful for my young sister and her husband, and if it weren't for her my sis would've had baby in the waiting room! Depends how you and DH feel about it and whether or not you think they'd be helpful I think :smile:
  • Dpatto93Dpatto93 member
    edited January 2015
    In England you can only have 2 birthing partners. It's usual for people to have there mam and baby's daddy. I don't know my mam so I asked my step-mam last time. I felt I needed a mother figure there and someone to keep me calm if things went wrong. She kept my partner entertained and also had been through birth so I had her to lend a helping hand massaging my back ect and general gossip when I was calm.

    I was birthing partner to my BFF in June and it was magical. I will never forget being the one to massage her, talk to her through the contractions and be one of the first to meet my god daughter and hold her. This time I have asked her to be my birthing partner. I can't wait!
  • The delivery room at my hospital is pretty small and I think they let 2 people in there at a time. I don't think it's necessary to have anyone else in there besides DH. I'm fully capable of giving birth without a pep talk or unsolicited advice.

    My MIL expected to be allowed in the room because she was in the room with my SIL. She was a little disappointed but she got over it.
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  • Just DH for me. My mom wanted to be there to help me, but I told her I was only comfortable with DH being there. She got over it.
  • I am actually in debate on this as well and bringing it up. My DH said something to me about ONLY us at the hospital even after the baby is born so it would be just between us. I told him that was ridiculous and family should be able to come see us at the hospital for afterwards. I wouldn't mind my one sister in the room, since she wants to be an OB and would be really excited about it. I just figure that my DH will be totally opposed considering his first suggestion.
  • The hospital allows 2 birthing coaches to be with you where I'm delivering. With my first, it was DH and my mom. My grandmother had been my mother's birth coach and I thought it'd be nice to make it a "tradition" by having my mom with me. For my 2nd, it was DH and my aunt. My aunt never had children of her own and I thought she might like to experience bringing our 2nd into the world. I had originally made the offer to MIL but she wasn't comfortable.

    With my 3rd, it was just DH and I. It'll just be us for this one, as well.

    I really enjoyed being able to sharevmy experience with the people I love and it was a lot less boring than it was with just DH. But I'm sure it's not for everyone.
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  • With DD, it was a full house. DH, my mom, my sister, my MIL, and even my FIL and dad for the first part. 

    For this one, it will be DH, my doula, and my sister who is also my birth photographer. 
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  • I will have my DH and my doula. Doulas are such a great help if you want a natural child birth. They know all of the pressure points and talk you down when you get to transition. DH doesn't do well in stressful situations, so it is nice to have someone with me that stays calm.
  • I plan on having DH and my mom. Maybe not my mom the whole time, but at least part of it. My mom is a nurse and I want her to be able to interpret for me as the doctors and nurses are talking. Also, DH doesn't do great when I'm upset or in pain. He is getting better, but still freaks out a bit and doesn't know how to react or what to do.
  • With DD I had DH, my mom, and MIL. With DS it was just DH and my mom. Not sure this time.

    Both of our parents were at the hospital while I was in labor after I got my epidural for a bit. But when it was time to push I just sort of said who it felt comfortable letting stay. The bonus of my mom and MIL were they took lots of good pics once babies were here and they were awesome at getting me things I needed while I was stuck in bed. And I don't really remember them being there at THE moment but I remember DH.
  • I'm not private, but I loved it being just H and I. It was special for just us. We will do that again.
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  • Mterr11Mterr11 member
    edited January 2015
    With DD I had my mom and DH in the room. My mom was a saint during contractions up until pushing. She was super calming and attentive and I'm glad I had her there. However, during pushing I could hear her making sounds and exclamations lol. She kept saying oh my goodness. I think she was really overwhelmed and it was hard for her to watch me in so much pain. I was kind of out of it so it wasn't that distracting. My MIL really wanted to be there but honestly I didn't want her seeing my downstairs mix up. She didn't make it in time anyway. I also had friends in and out of the room before pushing started...DHs friends too...talk about awkward!

    With DS it was just me and DH. No other family or friends at the hospital. It was SO peaceful and nice! I had more privacy and it was just our little moment which made it more special.

    Edited to say:
    With this one it will just be me and DH again.
  • DH and my mom.
  • With my first my mama and my daughter's father were there. I was so thankful my mom was there because her dad was a grumpy ass.

    Second go around it was just my DH and me for the delivery. Our mothers were in there a fair bit leading up to delivery but left when it was time to push. It was perfect with just my hubby. We had an hour after her birth to bond with her before we had to share.

    Also all of DH's family came and waited in the waiting room as soon as they heard I was in labor. Most of them stayed the whole 25 hours of my labor which I find insane! Sweet but insane! I recommend not telling everyone right away when you go into labor. I felt like I was being a meanie not wanting them to come back, but who really wants there FIL and BIL to see them bra less in a gown going through contractions. Not me!
  • I want my step mom in there with me. And dh. No one else. My aunt was offended when I told her to fly out here after because she wanted to be there (to represent my mom who died when I was 16) but I'm much closer to my stepmom and would prefer her.
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  • With DS I had DH, my mom, my best friend and her husband...it happened so fast, lol.
  • Nope. Just MH. 
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  • I had my mom and sister visit before it Got too painful or intense but for the hard part dh, doula and necessary staff only. I don't even like student nurses or what not. Too many people in the room is overwhelming but that's just me.
  • It will just be DH. Minutes after telling my MIL that we were pregnant, she asked us to consider letting her be in the delivery room. I was gearing up to have the conversation with DH that he had to let his mom know that wasn't happening. Luckily, she's since retracted the question. 

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  • DH by my side, and my mom, as she is a retired midwife and will keep an eye on things!! :-) nobody else!!
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  • DH and my mom. My MIL mentioned how my ex-SIL let her be in the room and I just said, "Oh, that's nice." I love my MIL and all, but no. Not when I'm half naked, in serious pain and look like crap.
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  • Just DH.

    I like to handle pain privately and not let people know when I'm hurting. I didn't even want to admit I was in pain during labour because I didn't want any more attention on me. My family all knows that's how I am, and no one has ever mentioned being there. If I did want my mom there she would do it, but I know DH would pull the 'well why can your mom be there and not mine' card.... No effing way would I ever let my mil in the room.

    I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital when DS was born. I didn't even stay 24hrs at the hospital, there was no reason to have people there. DH's family guilted us into letting them come.... And then they came to our house when we got home.... MIL actually came with a big thing of food, but it was to send home with BIL, nothing for us. My parents got to town when he was 3 days old, they stayed with us and did absolutely everything for us, I wanted them to stay forever.

    This time I'm staying in the hospital as long as possible and hoping for no visitors. Hopefully my parents will come stay with us again, and the IL's will be too busy to come to our place after.
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  • My mom was really disappointed when I told her it was going to be just me and DH. And even more so when I said we probably wouldn't call them if I went into labor in the middle of the night; or did not wan them in the waiting room. I'm a people pleaser; and if I know family are waiting to see us and baby, I will let them in and not take the time for just our family unit. Which we desperately need with older step sons. Then I shocked her with wanting a natural/birthing center delivery. I know I will only want DH in there to comfort and help me relax. And I want as few people as ossicle witnessing every part of my body being exposed in who knows what positions.
    I did say 12-24 hours after birth for visiting family. I know they will provide meals and do anything I need them to at home. My aunts have already scheduled time off around my due date :)
  • DH and my mom. Hoping it works out that way again. My mom was my main coach, even held my leg. Then, she stepped back and got all of our first moments as a family in pictures. I still go back and look at them. :)
     
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  • I had DH mom MIL grandma and cousin. Will be the same people this time. My FIL and DH's siblings were in the hall and came in right after to see us! The whole time I was in labor people were in and out! It made me forget about the pain I was in and just have fun joking with my visitors
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  • I just want DH and whatever nurses or doctors are needed. My mom is an NICU nurse and a diva, so the birth would somehow become all about her instead of about baby if she were allowed in. MIL, I would be okay with, but she would have to travel, and I would feel really guilty if she traveled out here and I was pregnant for another 2 weeks.
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  • Probably just DH. My Mum is the only other person I would cosider but she's not the greatest in stressful situations. She gets a lttle bossy lol. DH is very squeemish though so I'm a bit nervous that he will be to busy freaking out.
  • With my first, it was DH, my mom and MIL.

    With my second it was DH and doula.

    This time, I am hoping it will be DH and my mom. Maybe MIL or my cousin who is studying to be a nurse.
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  • I just want my DH with me. He calms me down, and I feel like I want that to be our moment. Everyone else can come by once we're all cleaned up, etc. 
  • Just DH. My SIL let my MIL be on the room for their first and I pray that she doesn't expect an invitation. I think for me, more people would = more drama. I don't want to have to worry about anyone else and their needs.

    We'll let everyone know when we're up for visitors at the hospital. I'll probably want to see my parents right away but my ILs can wait a bit. They're wonderful people, but a lot for me to handle. They like to show up before the baby is due and just wait for the birth. I want those last few days to be just about me and DH and not be full of pressure from hosting them.
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  • DH and my mom.  

    My mom serves as a rational voice and really functions as my doula.  I couldn't have had 2 med free births without her.  She will definitely be there again as I attempt med free for #3.  DH gets the role of announcing the sex so that is fun.  :)
    Married 2008 - DD 2010 - DS 2012 - Team Green due July 1st!
  • My plan is to have DH, my mom, and MIL. I'm pretty close to my MIL. Also, he is the only child, so I think that would be very special to her.
  • Obviously DH. Probably my mom, I'm very close with her. I'm also very close with my MIL and I know she was in there with her 2 daughters. I'll either let her in too, or have her in the waiting room with my stepson.
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  • My SIL asked because she's a nurse and wanted to see a birth so I said sure.  I really only looked at DH and I still felt really connected to just him.  When it came time to push I couldn't care less who was there I just wanted the baby out since it hurts like a bitch.  If you think they would be encouraging and supportive then go for it, you'll need someone to hold each leg  ;)
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  • With my DS I had my best friend and my mom. For this one, it's just going to be me, SO, and the birth photographer
  • I feel like I will probably start with DH, my mom and my dad. DH is my rock and will be there the whole time. He will then be the bouncer and kick out my dad when shit gets real, because my dad is a big ol' softy that will not be able to handle watching me in pain. I would want him there to start because he is also very rational and calming. My mom is pretty much the opposite, she would handle it better herself but she might drive me crazy.

    Definitely nobody else though. I don't want to feel any more on display than I already will be.
  • DaniousDanious member
    edited January 2015
    Honestly? As much as I love DH, he kinda dropped the ball when it came to what I personally needed during DS birth. He pulled it together when the complications hit, and once DS was born he was great. But it was the first baby and neither of us knew what to expect.
    I feel like I was too dependant on him to be my everything for me the first time. I figured he'd be fine, even though I knew he doesn't do well in hospitals. It was unfair of me.
    He has his strengths and that's what I'm playing to this time. I'm incredibly close to my mom, so she'll be there for the comfort. I'll have DH there for the strength. Physically and emotionally. He's a rock. My doula will be there for the distractions and the technical stuff. If complications hit, she'll be my less emotional party who knows my wishes and can help us remain calm and focused.
    I'm pretty happy with this idea and DH and I talked and the relief on his face that he wouldn't be alone was huge.

    I've thought about this a lot, and I think it's what will work best for us.
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