I am thankful for this board, as I am just going through a loss for the first time. A little background info: I am 30, my husband is 29. We have a 3 year old son together who was conceived after 2 months of trying. I had a perfect pregnancy and delivery, with no concerns whatsoever. Fast forward to June 2013 when we started trying for a 2nd child. After a little over a year with no success, we visited with an RE. After more unsuccessful medicated cycles, we moved forward with IVF. On November 19th, I had my egg retrieval, retrieving 24 eggs. 23 of them fertilized, which was fantastic. I had a 5 day blastocyst transfer on November 24th, with the embryo getting the highest quality rating possible. 10 days later, I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon excited.
Last Tuesday, 12/30, my husband and I went for the first ultrasound at the IVF office. The ultrasound technician began the ultrasound, and was very obviously concerned. She was looking all around, and finally said, "here's the baby, measuring over a week behind, with a heartrate of 92. That is very low. You should prepare yourself," and shook my foot. Needless to say, I was traumatized at the fact that the ultrasound technician was the one to give me that news, and also that I was receiving that news to begin with. It was explained to me that my pregnancy could "go either way" and that the only option I had was to wait 7-10 days for a repeat ultrasound to get another data point. Yesterday, 1/6 I went for a followup ultrasound, and was told there was no longer a heartbeat. The baby was still measuring the same size as 12/30, so the heart likely stopped beating right around that time.
I had a D&C this morning, and am home resting now. While I am in no physical pain and only slightly spotting, the emotional pain is real. As you all know.
I very much so want another child, and do want to try again as soon as we can. It doesn't take away the fear though, and I am afraid that I won't be able to experience pregnancy the same way that I did with my son. I fear that I will have so much anxiety and fear throughout the entire 9 months. For those of you that have gone on to have children after your loss, are there things that helped you along the way to find comfort?
I know this is all so fresh for me, just hoping that I won't feel so traumatized forever, and that I will be able to find the strength and courage to keep trying.