Do you have a pregnant wife/partner? Did you?

CageyMack

Hi people!

I'm a non-pregnant expecting lady.  I just saw an intro and it really jogged my thinking brain: maybe other non-pregnant expecting people would like to jump in.  I dunno. 

Could we have a check-in? Maybe I just need an attention-hogging thread for a minute? Maybe I'm nervous because my lady is going to have a baby and I'm freaking out a little that I'm not in control of the birth thing ("WHAT?! I'm not in control?!"). 

Here's me:  37yo mama who had one baby girl 12 years ago and one baby boy almost 2 years ago.  My DW is currently 38 weeks pregnant with our beloved and tough-to-conceive third baby (a girl!).  Same known donor (KD) as baby boy.  There is so much wrapped up in this baby and birth and I find I'm getting more anxious as we get closer.  I did natural childbirth for the two I carried, but I have a high pain tolerance.  DW is thinking of getting an epidural and I'm so happy that that option is giving her some comfort--she is worried about the actual birth, and extremely modest and a bit anxious.  We have a good team of docs/midwives (same as who delivered DS) and are at a fantastic birth center attached to a hospital.  They do all the right things to help a mama have a baby.  

Words of advice?  What will I do?  How do I get through this? The thought of seeing her frightened or in pain makes me more and more anxious.  I know I can be a good support, but I find myself having more fear and anxiety as each day passes.  I'm also having a lot of worries about the baby herself; what if something happens to her?  I almost want to lobby for an elective c-section just to have her arrive safely.  It took a year of medical support and IVF to get her to this point.  There were only two viable embryos and we put them both in.  And she is SHE--she is so close to being here safely and I just want HER, not some other baby.

I don't know what I want besides support.  But maybe other people are in my same shoes?  Or similar shoes?    

Manada

Hi Cagey - I don't check in here much - but if Rocky 3 sticks around I would very much love to chat as a non-pregnant partner in a pregnant pair.

Karlamo

I was you 11 months ago when mamosey was weeks away from giving birth. I was a hot mess to say the least. I must have had 3-4 breakdowns worried something would go wrong and we wouldn't get the baby that we had worked so hard for. I too was pushing for induction. During my last meltdown I realized I wasn't helping the situation. My wife was about to give birth and she was scared too. She needed me to tell her everything will be alright. She had a dream delivery and in the end R came out perfect. The only time I was scared during the laboring was after she gave birth and I saw the amount of blood that was pouring out. Very normal but I was worried.
Like stringy813 said those early weeks/months were hard as I had to figure out my place in his life as his mom. I struggled too even though I was breast feeding him. The irony of this all, is that now at 10 months, R is attached to me at the hip.
I feel like you'll be better equipped than I was since you know what to expect having gone through it twice. You'll be a great labor partner. Just tell her over and over " you can do this!"

CageyMack

Wow, I already feel the love!  

Okay, I'm going to try to start up a check in.  I'm really bad at them, though, as I forget what day we are on and I live in Hawaii so my days start when East Coasters are already at lunch.  

Thank you so much for your thoughts.  And, yes, my DW and I already talk about how it is okay to love kids differently, that it does not mean you love them less.  I love my two existing kids differently, but I love them both just as much.  Just like it matters to grow a baby in your uterus, it matters equally that we choose to be a parent for those we don't grow (or maybe don't have a genetic link to).  I think that denying that people (including children) are different "things" in your life is a falsehood; we can love equally without having everyone be exactly "the same."  

Okay, all will be well.  "You can do this!" 

Breathe. Breathe. Post on thebump. Repeat. : )

ball.and.chain

I would like to add that as a formerly pregnant partner who will never be the non-pregnant partner, hearing from the non-pregnant partners here helps me have perspective on how my wife may feel about things. So I would lurk in a thread like this!