Do you have a pregnant wife/partner? Did you? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Do you have a pregnant wife/partner? Did you?

Hi people!

I'm a non-pregnant expecting lady. :)  I just saw an intro and it really jogged my thinking brain: maybe other non-pregnant expecting people would like to jump in.  I dunno. 

Could we have a check-in? Maybe I just need an attention-hogging thread for a minute? Maybe I'm nervous because my lady is going to have a baby and I'm freaking out a little that I'm not in control of the birth thing ("WHAT?! I'm not in control?!"). 

Here's me:  37yo mama who had one baby girl 12 years ago and one baby boy almost 2 years ago.  My DW is currently 38 weeks pregnant with our beloved and tough-to-conceive third baby (a girl!).  Same known donor (KD) as baby boy.  There is so much wrapped up in this baby and birth and I find I'm getting more anxious as we get closer.  I did natural childbirth for the two I carried, but I have a high pain tolerance.  DW is thinking of getting an epidural and I'm so happy that that option is giving her some comfort--she is worried about the actual birth, and extremely modest and a bit anxious.  We have a good team of docs/midwives (same as who delivered DS) and are at a fantastic birth center attached to a hospital.  They do all the right things to help a mama have a baby.  

Words of advice?  What will I do?  How do I get through this? The thought of seeing her frightened or in pain makes me more and more anxious.  I know I can be a good support, but I find myself having more fear and anxiety as each day passes.  I'm also having a lot of worries about the baby herself; what if something happens to her?  I almost want to lobby for an elective c-section just to have her arrive safely.  It took a year of medical support and IVF to get her to this point.  There were only two viable embryos and we put them both in.  And she is SHE--she is so close to being here safely and I just want HER, not some other baby.

I don't know what I want besides support.  But maybe other people are in my same shoes?  Or similar shoes?    

CageyMack
37, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (12) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.

5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn: 5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered.  All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd.  4 fertilized.   Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853.  Yay!


Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



"Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing

Manada[Deleted User]

Re: Do you have a pregnant wife/partner? Did you?

  • Hi Cagey - I don't check in here much - but if Rocky 3 sticks around I would very much love to chat as a non-pregnant partner in a pregnant pair.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

    Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

    Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

    7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

    My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
    Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
    dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  

    image

    Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
    Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

    We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.

    image

    CageyMacktrisholio
  • I was you 11 months ago when mamosey was weeks away from giving birth. I was a hot mess to say the least. I must have had 3-4 breakdowns worried something would go wrong and we wouldn't get the baby that we had worked so hard for. I too was pushing for induction. During my last meltdown I realized I wasn't helping the situation. My wife was about to give birth and she was scared too. She needed me to tell her everything will be alright. She had a dream delivery and in the end R came out perfect. The only time I was scared during the laboring was after she gave birth and I saw the amount of blood that was pouring out. Very normal but I was worried.
    Like stringy813 said those early weeks/months were hard as I had to figure out my place in his life as his mom. I struggled too even though I was breast feeding him. The irony of this all, is that now at 10 months, R is attached to me at the hip.
    I feel like you'll be better equipped than I was since you know what to expect having gone through it twice. You'll be a great labor partner. Just tell her over and over " you can do this!"
    CageyMack
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  • Wow, I already feel the love!  :)

    Okay, I'm going to try to start up a check in.  I'm really bad at them, though, as I forget what day we are on and I live in Hawaii so my days start when East Coasters are already at lunch.  

    Thank you so much for your thoughts.  And, yes, my DW and I already talk about how it is okay to love kids differently, that it does not mean you love them less.  I love my two existing kids differently, but I love them both just as much.  Just like it matters to grow a baby in your uterus, it matters equally that we choose to be a parent for those we don't grow (or maybe don't have a genetic link to).  I think that denying that people (including children) are different "things" in your life is a falsehood; we can love equally without having everyone be exactly "the same."  

    Okay, all will be well.  "You can do this!" 

    Breathe. Breathe. Post on thebump. Repeat. : )


    CageyMack
    37, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (12) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.

    5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn: 5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered.  All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd.  4 fertilized.   Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853.  Yay!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



    "Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing

    [Deleted User]
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