When someone owes you an apology - vent!

buppydups10

Im frustrated. My best friend (who is going to also be the godmother of our baby) really upset me. We live about an hour and half away from each other and see each other maybe twice a year. She comes down to my town (her mom lives here) and always finds a way to blow me off or not follow through with plans. I've brushed it under the rug for years. Finally, we made plans for her to come and register with me. She said the day before that it's snowing, "so sad". I said it will be 60 tomorrow. She said yeah but it's snowing now. That's all she said to me about not coming down the following day to register with me. She seemed so excited when I asked her, maybe she just wasn't. Anyways, I told her I was disappointed she didn't try to come down and she got super defensive. I had dropped things countless times to help her pack and move, when she got cheated on and a number of times when she's been in the hospital. I've never asked her for anything and thought that "so sad" was disappointing. She ignored me for days so I texted again and said im also disappointed that I told you how I feel and you ignore me. She said we aren't going to see eye to eye. Idk how to let it go. I am so frustrated and hurt that she's not being the friend that I am to her. If she couldn't make it, or didn't want to, I wish she could have just told me. She's blown me off enough to know I won't freak. It also makes me question the expectations I have for my first baby's godparent, and want to make sure we have clear understanding of the role she would play in his life. Anyone have friends like this? Idk how to move on without getting the apology I really feel I deserve.

Sarahbmcd

Honestly. ... I used to have friends like that.
"Used to" to being the operative word/s.

I am too old and tired for nonsense. I would always sweep it the rug and forgive them even though they never apologized. I got tired of it eventually and stopped doing stuff for them. Of course that didn't go over well.

MommaMacri

From first hand experience do not make ber the godparent. Similar situation and when baby came it got even worst. She was awful to me and now we don't even speak. Hold that title for someone who deserves it!

stephaniesee

I had a very similar situation, prior to becoming pregnant. I had to cut her loose, I was going through a tough time and she was just making it worse. Just always remember who she was to you and how much you loved her then and maybe you're just growing apart, and that's ok. It doesn't make it easier but just allow yourself to be excited and happy for you and your growing family.

MrsPDX

You live an hour and a half away and only see her twice a year? To me it sounds like possibly she may not care as much as you do. People change and move in separate directions. Honestly I would cut your losses, and reconsider her as the Godmother of your baby.

melissak1q

MrsPDX said:

You live an hour and a half away and only see her twice a year? To me it sounds like possibly she may not care as much as you do. People change and move in separate directions. Honestly I would cut your losses, and reconsider her as the Godmother of your baby.

Also consider, the street goes both ways. Is it possible that you've both drifted apart, not just her?

LimaD

Nothing new to add but agree with PPs that 

1. do NOT make her your child's godparent. That's a very important role, and I would usually only give that to family or a VERY close friend...which it doesn't sound like she is unfortunately.

2. Might be time to say goodbye to that friendship

It's hard I know...

obimom

I just wanted to say I am sorry you're going through something like this. I know how hard these situations can be.
FWIW, It sounds like you need to move on. You have no obligation to anyone to be "friends forever". Like PPs have said, it is a two way street.

Ballet80

Is your friend married or does she have kids? Just trying to figure out where she is in her life. My best friend got married at 24 which to me was super young, I guess I was just really immature. But I visited her all the time, no she has 2 children and it is a struggle to see each other. She loves about 4 hours away, but we are always there for each other, especially for every significant moment in each other's lives. I remember when I bought my first house, she took me to World Market and bought me wine glasses because she knew I had spent every thing on my down payment. No buying house was not as important as her getting married or having children, but she got it and was there for me to help me celebrate. Your friend might be super immature and this might be where your friendship ends. It takes a lot to stay friends throughout the years and both people have to work at it. She shouldn't have blown you off, especially for such an important event! Definitely not godparent material!

laur1020

I know how you feel. I live about 8 hours from my "best friend", and I was recently in town for a funeral. I was staying at my grandmother's house about 15 minutes from her job and her apartment. I asked if she wanted to go to lunch with DH and I and she said she couldn't because she was working. So I asked if she wanted to stop by (as in for only 20 minutes or so) on her way home from work, and she told me she was tired. I just let it go because it's pretty typical of her and I've learned over the years not to try too hard to make plans with her. If I see her, I see her. I didn't always feel that way, but it's just how she is. Honestly, I think she's depressed. I know she wants so badly to be married, but she has a hard time finding decent men to date. I was a little hurt that she wouldn't make the time to stop over and see me, especially since I was pregnant. But anyway, is your friend married/in a relationship/have kids? Maybe she's jealous that you're having a baby.

Lezzie82

Wouldn't put up with that, OP. It's her loss.

Some people just don't want to continue friendships. Whether it be for selfish reasons or whatever.... But turning your back on a loyal friend is stupid and a poor choice on her part. Let her go on with her bad self. Peace. You're better than that and deserve more. You actually value friendship. I would let her come to you and even then be very wary. She sounds like a total flake.

Don't feel pressured to pick a God parent straight away. Relax, take your time and let it come to you naturally.

peteresa

buppydups10 said:

Im frustrated. My best friend (who is going to also be the godmother of our baby) really upset me. We live about an hour and half away from each other and see each other maybe twice a year. She comes down to my town (her mom lives here) and always finds a way to blow me off or not follow through with plans. I've brushed it under the rug for years. Finally, we made plans for her to come and register with me. She said the day before that it's snowing, "so sad". I said it will be 60 tomorrow. She said yeah but it's snowing now. That's all she said to me about not coming down the following day to register with me. She seemed so excited when I asked her, maybe she just wasn't. Anyways, I told her I was disappointed she didn't try to come down and she got super defensive. I had dropped things countless times to help her pack and move, when she got cheated on and a number of times when she's been in the hospital. I've never asked her for anything and thought that "so sad" was disappointing. She ignored me for days so I texted again and said im also disappointed that I told you how I feel and you ignore me. She said we aren't going to see eye to eye. Idk how to let it go. I am so frustrated and hurt that she's not being the friend that I am to her. If she couldn't make it, or didn't want to, I wish she could have just told me. She's blown me off enough to know I won't freak. It also makes me question the expectations I have for my first baby's godparent, and want to make sure we have clear understanding of the role she would play in his life. Anyone have friends like this? Idk how to move on without getting the apology I really feel I deserve.

You sound like me, you're a giver and some people just keep on taking until we're just DONE with their selfish ways and that entire "FRIENDSHIP"... I eventually had to see a counselor about my so called "friendships" and why I always felt "burned"... apparently my giving nature attracts VULTURE type of people. After I learned to say NO and quit just "GOING with the flow" the taker friends vanished from my life and boy did that feel soooooo good! I used to bend over backwards and basically do back flips for people that wouldn't do a DAMN thing for me, even if I was in an emergency situation....you deserve better! Hope this helped!

mp03jp

I would always cut my best friend slack over everything. She worked and I worked. Then she also was going to school full time. I had DH and DS. I always thought those were good reasons why it would be hard for us to get together and do things.

 Then we moved out and needed a roommate so she moved in with us. That's when I saw who she really was and what she really thought of our friendship. I quickly found out I was that back up friend. She always had money and time to go out with other people for drinks, dinner, have girl nights that I was never invited to, went on day trips to water parks or theme parks. We paid for everything and did everything in the apartment she ended up being a complete mooch.

I thought we could work on our friendship after she moved out. I found out she was coming back to town to visit about 2 months later. I only found out because she created an even on fb to come see her while she was back and it showed up on my newsfeed. Only I wasn't invited.

It's like the saying "the devil is in the details" Most of the things that were going on could easily be explained (conflicting schedules, short on funds, we didn't have all the same friends) and didn't seem to far out there. But slowly they added up and things became clear.

Don't let that happen with your situation OP. Don't overlook all the little things. Don't let someone be a God parent to your child that can't be there for you when you need it. They wont be there for your child.

RustyGirl3

I am sorry to say that she doesn't really deserve to be Godmother or to have the title of "Best Friend" either.

I had a situation with a friend who I was always there for. We have known each other since 7th grade. Drove with her to DC to meet a guy she met online. Let her stay at my house when her Mom kicked her out. Went to her Baby shower, visited her 3 hours away in PA when her son was born.

She responded yes to my engagement party...never showed. Didn't even respond to my Bridal Shower. Responded yes to the wedding...didn't show up and always had a lame excuse for why she couldn't make it.

It really hurt me since we had been friends for so long but I had to just realize that she was not a true friend. I never called her out on any of it because it wasn't going to change anything. We lost touch for awhile and we are now friends on FB. I will always want good things for her but I will never think of her as someone I can count on.

I think you need to let her go.