do i have a right to be upset?

padleylynn

hello. I'm a lurker, but I something happened today and I wanted someone else opinion on if I have a right to be upset. I had my monthly check up with the doctor today and since I knew it was going to be a basic one (no exam) I took my 4 year old DD with me. While sitting in the reception room, my DD saw another lady knitting. She has never seen anyone knitting before, and being a very outgoing little girl, she asked the lady some questions about what she was doing. After 3 simple questions (what are you doing, what are you making, is it for your baby) the lady answered that she was so glad her mommy was doing something and not just sitting there watching.  I was so mad, the chairs are set up in a u shape and my DD was still sitting next to me. At that point I moved DD to the chair on the other side of me and pulled up some games on my phone for her. I couldn't help thinking that if those questions bug her now wait till her kid is 3/4 and asks a million whys. What do ya'll think, was the lady rude or am I over reacting?

Bluediamondgirl

Rude. That would have pissed me off (although my fuse is a little short these days!)

padleylynn

Sorry. My DD was sitting next to me asking the lady knitting 3 questions After the last question the lady answered sarcastically "I glad your mommy is doing something, instead of just sitting there." I got mad because of instead of saying something to me or trying to politely tell my daughter she would rather not talk, she decided to be snarky with a 4 year old. My 'DD never got out of her chair, so it wasn't like she was in the lady's space.

KonaCoffeeBean

Yeah, I'm confused too.

JuneBug0611

I would have taken that the same way you did -- rude!

padleylynn

I would totally agree with you if I was on my on phone, but I wasn't. I was listening to the conversation and watching DD. (The office shares a reception area with a child specialist practice so kids come in all the time and DD has a habit of running off after other kids) I'm just gonna chalk it up to hormones (possibly on both sides). My DD didn't understand what happened and the lady was called back almost right away.

ruemorgan

I see where youre coming from. But I agree with PP that if she was straight forward about not wanting to talk, she would have still been viewed as rude. I also dont want to talk to kids/adults/anyone when im out. Thats usually my only ME time. i really see both points of views and vote let it go. Its not worth the energy.

JuneBug0611

ruemorgan said:

I see where youre coming from. But I agree with PP that if she was straight forward about not wanting to talk, she would have still been viewed as rude. I also dont want to talk to kids/adults/anyone when im out. Thats usually my only ME time. i really see both points of views and vote let it go. Its not worth the energy.

Eh, I think she could have told the DD, "You know, sweetie, I really need to focus on my knitting right now so I can't really talk anymore, ok?" in a sweet tone of voice and then everyone would have been fine. But I agree, not worth fixating on. She was probably just having a bad day.

KonaCoffeeBean

DaisyBlinks said:

I thought it was pretty common knowledge that you shouldn't make small talk with people at the doctor's office. Maybe she was there for infertility treatments. Or carrying a baby that's she knows isn't going to make it to the outside. When I take my son with me to appointments, I make sure he is contained and entertained and not bothering people who may be there receiving devastating news. 

All of this. OP, it does seem like you missed out on a chance to teach your child waiting room etiquette. Maybe next time.

PrimRoseMama

Perhaps she could have handled it differently, but holding conversations with toddlers isn't half as entertaining for others. Sure, your DD was just curious, but often folks just want to be left alone in waiting rooms.

I might have curbed the questions after the first one & redirected to a book or coloring. You never said if the woman answered (not that she is required to).

It's my job to entertain my LOs & I generally don't let them get too chatty with other adults. Truthfully, I would make other arrangements for child care in this situation because I'm a firm believer that the OBs office is not a place to bring toddlers.

FreddyisReady

I would chalk it up to the lady has her own problems. Maybe she was on a follow up ultrasound to see if her baby was still alive and talking to your daughter just made it worst. Who knows. Let it go and move on.

And when your daughter starts talking to strangers, size them up to see if they are receptive.

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ipumpkin

I don't know. This might be a tough one. It's only a one sided story, so it's really hard to say whether or not you're entitled to be pissed or not.

Some people are just mean grouchy people sometimes. No use being pissed about it, you'll likely never even see her again.  Just teach your child to make the most positive out of a shitty situation. Maybe something recently happened in the ladies life and she isn't always like that.

 

Who knows.

jennygirlmt

I don't think DD would ever speak to a stranger. If she was curious, she would ask me what she was doing. 

I love little kids but I've even been annoyed when I was zoned out, thinking, doing my thing and had a child start asking me questions. Though usually that involves getting in my personal space. Like the time some little girl no more than 2 sat down pretty much in my lap at a play place and kept reaching for my phone with no parents in sight  @-)

That said I can't imagine saying something rude like that directly to your face. Though I do read people's body language and never let DD talk to someone without their encouragement of it.

And I take DDs to my appointments all the time (usually just DD2 while DD1 is at school, but DD1 went to all of them last round.) The appointment takes 10 minutes, DD is good (a box of raisins and Mickey Mouse clubhouse can fix any excitement) and the nurses love it. I'm not getting a sitter or asking MIL to drive 15 minutes up the road for me to be gone for 30 minutes. Is it really not considered normal to take a child to a routine OB appt?

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wtbratcher

I usually take those moments as a learning lesson for the kiddos. I definitely do not think you should teach your child to not to ask questions, ever. I teach my child to question everything and everyone but not always verbally or directly. Also, Too many kids these days have absolutely no social skills due to electronics; they don't need more of a push in that direction. However, you should teach them how to take ques that someone may not be interested in conversing with them. Such as, ask one question and if they do not answer, take her next step to get the question answered; perhaps, ask you (or whomever she is with at the time). There are so many things below the surface that we do not see in others; it's not our job to figure them out. Bottom line, as a mother, if you noticed that the lady was not engaging with your child, it was your responsibility to step in.

ashiscute

I usually take my kids to my appts.  Now I schedule them for while DD is at school so I just have DS.  I don't know how it's possible to always have a sitter.  I bring DS a snack and we play a game on my kindle.  

I have never had either of my kids approach a stranger and ask them questions like that.  They would ask me but I can't see them directly asking the stranger.  But I've also never had anyone act like that about a kid in a doctor's office.  I think it's odd to be at an OB/GYN and expect no kids around or be that upset if someone's kid talked to you.

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niknak1208

So basically she was irritated that you were sitting there allowing your very young daughter to ask totally normal questions to a person who was doing something that interested her?  lol I think that's incredibly rude and I probably would have said something.  I'm just not that nice anymore. lol  I get mad when people make rude comments about my children.. especially when my children are not doing anything wrong.  If she's a FTM... she has a rude awakening coming because questions are kind of a normal kid thing. Geesh.  

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wtbratcher

@ladycersei - it was my bad saying electronics in general. I was thinking more along the lines of texting or playing with electronics while in a group setting or at the dinner table, for example, impairs them socially. I believe these are times when kids have a chance to observe and try out social skills. I definitely agree that one can let their child use electronics and teach them social skills. We live in a very accessible electronic world... I have just seen too many kids lacking the discipline to put the gadget down and look someone in the eyes when they are speaking to them; perhaps, out of fear or addiction.

When it comes to the original post, I love when children do not fear asking questions or are so very curious about others and the world. I believe we are here to help guide them to find their own answers. How to over come adversity when seeking those answers. If no one in their life nurtures this, they may stop asking questions due to fear of rejection and/or their curiosity may dwindle. Hence, a possible push in the direction of little to no face to face interaction; and a possibility of hiding behind electronics ( or any other distraction; even knitting) to avoid such moments.

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niknak1208

ladycersei Let me clarify,  I certainly do not expect that every random person we come across should interact with my child. Kids ask questions. That's what they do. They don't have filters like adults do. Anyone who has kids knows that. Personally, I would have removed my child from the situation. That said, had I been the adult who was not the parent of the child, I also would have behaved like an adult and not made a rude comment toward another child's mother. Maybe I'm crazy. I'm a kid person. I don't say snotty things to kids or their mothers just because a kid is asking me questions that I might not feel like answering. My husband hates interacting with kids that aren't his own. He always has.  For some reason, kids are drawn to him anyways but he doesn't react in snotty ways to their parents. I mean you act like an adult and you get over it and you move on. It's pretty simple actually. 

janda426

The OPs kid shouldn't have been pestering the lady, but it doesn't make the lady's response any less rude or childish. Being an adult means not always responding or saying shit we'd like to say, especially around children. She got called back right after that anyway, it's not like they were gonna be together all day.

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MrsCarroll.6-10-07

Do you know how fast a young kid can ask those questions?! Like 10 seconds. Not enough time for anyone to really redirect a child at all. I would have grabbed my DD and just said "Looks like she is knitting and doesn't want to be bothered" and move on.

I agree she was a bit rude in her response but she is allowed to say what she wants. My waiting room has people chatting too. I've chatted with many kids that weren't mine when I was there solo. I don't rhink the problem was OPs kid or the OP but not a big enough problem to worry about. "Big problem or little problem?" That's how we get our kids to chill about issues.

Meery82

I'm always happy to talk to a child and answer their questions. Actually, I'd much rather talk to a child than adults most of the time. They improve my mood instantly.

bedzaidarodriguez

I DONT THINK ITS RUDE THAT SHE SAID THAT SOMETIMES I DONT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES KIDS BOTHERING ME, THATS WHY WHEN I BABYSAT MY BABYSISTERS AND BROTHER I NEVER LET THEM BOTHER PEOPLE, SOME PEOPLE DONT LIKE TO DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN 

taboullio84

I personally don't like entertaining other ppls children. And I teach my children not to bother other ppl . having said that I would have not been snotty about it. It's still a child who was being friendly. I'd rather them talk to me then run around the office.

ruby2315

I agree that the woman's response was rude, but I can understand not wanting to talk to random people (even if they're little kids) in a waiting room.  I think it would have been better if she said something like, "I'd rather not talk." or "I need to concentrate on my knitting," but I don't think it's wrong for her not to talk to your daughter (no offense).  I definitely have had times when little kids were asking me random stuff when I was just trying to read in a waiting room, train, or wherever, and I said something along those lines or stopped responding.

JellicalParker

I am a crochter myself. I really think what she said was not appropriate. I don't mind answering questions and then redirecting them with nice replies, but I would never say something like that to a small child! I think there are a thousand ways she could have redirected your child back to you, conversationally, without isolating you and your daughter. Like, "maybe someday your mommy will teach you how to knit..." this makes me sad