Update on -Hostess a party with too many guest

ghwheeler

To recap I ask my sister if we could cut down the list of guest from 65 to 30 by cutting out the husbands and the kids.  She said that she already had it down as low as she could get it and that her husband's family always does the parties this way with the whole large family so that can't be changed.  So after a day I wrote her back and said I thought about it and I was sorry I shouldn't have stepped up to throw the baby shower and should have let someone in his family volunteer since they have a set way of doing things and they would know better how to do it the way they like it to be done.  And since they do this all the time they can put it together easily for her.  Remember I was trying to get out of this by not being the bad one.  But she wrote back and said I don't want to talk about this any more.  You had me so upset last over the guest list changes that I cried so much I started bleed and it could have caused me to have a miscarriage.  You are just don't want to do the party and using his family as a reason.  So yes I get to be the bad one again.  I told her how a baby shower works  you know the part about it being a gift and the hostess sets the amount and guest number and if the people who can't come what to have another shower for her then that is for them to put together but it was rude to think I would host a baby shower that is larger than her wedding reception was.  So we are not speaking any more.  I guess the only thing I could have done was spend $700 to host the party she and her mother in law wanted.  Even though she had said she had no problem if I didn't want to do the shower.  I knew that wouldn't be true.  I don't know, did I get out of it to rudely?

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VOR

msspeedymarie said:

Wow. Dodged a bullet there. 

Your sister is incredibly manipulative and self-centered. If this behavior is the norm, and you've been letting her get her way for years, and the rest of your family buys into this, I strongly suggest getting yourself to a therapist to help you get some perspective on your family and their manipulative ways, and to help you develop some coping mechanisms to keep their manipulations from hurting you.

And let me just say this up front, if by some chance your sister actually does have a miscarriage, I can guarantee you that you refusing to throw the baby shower she wants is NOT the cause, no matter what she accuses you of.

ALL of this. Your sister is manipulative, entitled, and really... not very nice. If she were to have a problem w/ her pregnancy, it is NOT over this. And Im going to amend what I just said - your sister is an asshole.

VOR

Coming back to this - on being the "bad guy", I'd bet you that a LOT of people have already clued in to how your sister is and, as such, will roll their eyes at whatever her complaints are about you/the shower. They may pat her on the back, but they'll be thinking "huh, don't blame ghwheeler!". For people who are sucked into her world (your parents, maybe? Other siblings? Or just other people who aren't around enough to really see how she operates?), if they give YOU a hard time - "how could you do this?" or what have you, don't get sucked in. Stick to the facts "I was unable to throw the shower that she wanted". They go on about how upset she is? "Yes, I understand she's upset". Period. Don't get into it w/ anyone. The less you say, the less they have to react to. And really, the less of a big deal YOU make it, the more hysterical it's going to make your sister look.

thelittlestbee

Your sister is a selfish, entitled, spoiled brat. To say that you're causing her to have a miscarriage over a fucking baby shower is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. 

I agree with PP that said to go spend the $700 on something nice and shiny for yourself. You've earned it!

159159

Thanks everyone.  I have decided to step back from my family and just be with my family that lives with me and not all of the others and not worry about what they think about me.

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Disneygeek77

I'm so sorry you have a sister like this, you have nothing but my sympathy.  Please know you did nothing wrong, nothing at all.  Good for you for having strong boundaries and putting your family's finances over your selfish sister.  Your priorities are in the right place and I wish I could give you a pat on the back.  

t loves r

I usual am just a lurker, but I just have to say there is no scientific way this baby shower situation caused your entitled, manipulative sister to start bleeding. Good. Flucking. Lordie. Who says that to someone to try to make them feel bad?!?

I'm happy that you are taking a step back from her. Good luck to you!

jobotrobot

Lurker here but what a spoiled brat she is. Screw her and stay strong. You are not wrong, not even a little bit

mamayo26

Family doesn't treat family like this...any by that I mean the way your sister is treating you. It is completely uncalled for, and she owes you a huge apology. I hope she grows ups so the she can be a parent to her child and he child doesn't have to be a grown up or become a selfish, entitled person like your sister.

Do you have a neutral party like your mom/aunt/grandmother who can talk some sense into her, so she doesn't think it is ok act like this (ever again)?

MySallyGirl

Wow I can't believe she is trying to pin a miscarriage on this.  That is seriously messed up.

nightdreamer98

Lurker here. She sounds awful. I can't believe she said the thing about miscarriage. Also I side eye the crap out of that.

During my first trimester my boyfriend almost died. We didn't know if he was going to live through the night, then I spent a day in the icu with him. I was cramping pretty badly because I couldn't calm down but my babies are just fine and I didn't bleed.

Being disappoint over a baby shower causing a miscarriage sounds fake. It was just mean of her to try to manipulate you like that.

Amstreagle

What a manipulative little bitch! I'm so glad you got yourself out of that. Shame on her for trying to blame you for giving her a potential miscarriage!
She sounds like the exact definition of a speshul sneauxflake! Good riddance!

JulieMarie21

Sisters can be the worst, right? Probably because they know you have to love them despite their irrational bitchiness.

Saratiff

You win! I promise to think twice before I bitch about my own sisters. Yikes!!! It may not feel like it but you dodged a bullet. Good riddance. I hope she learns to grow up quick before she has this baby.